Chapter 399 - D-DO YOU L-LOVE ME?
The sudden look of defeat in Ruth's teary eyes made Edwin more aware of the situation. He saw her nose turning red as more tears gathered in her eyes.
"Ruth-"
"Stop right there!" She showed him her palm.
For some reason, she was feeling like riding an emotional ride. Perhaps it was because of visiting the kidnapping spot. And his clueless behaviour did not help her situation. She wanted him to understand, but she did not know what it was.
Edwin pursed his lips but did not stop stalking her way. When Ruth realised that, she was alarmed. Her brain told her to run away, but she was too drained that she could not find enough energy in her for that.
She expected Edwin to demand answers instead, she was taken by surprise, when he hugged her. They did not realise how long they stayed like that, but it felt good. It felt light and warm.
Ruth slowly wrapped her hands around his bare torso. She again heard his fast-beating heart. But she was too lost in his touch to give it more thought.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Edwin asked slowly.
He felt her shaking her head as her cheek rubbed against his chest.
"Why?"
"Because you will not understand." She answered.
"Then make me!"
Ruth's head snapped up to search his face. That was the exact thing she had said to him months ago.
Ruth bite her cheek, for which she was received by a glare from Edwin.
"How many times I have told you to not do that?!" He said, lifting up her chin.
"You know I don't call you handsome beast. I call you-"
"The blue-eyed monster." Edwin completed her sentence.
She tried searching for a hint of anger or displease in his eyes, but they only shone with love.
"Now tell me, where did you hear that title?" Edwin asked.
He saw the veins in her neck rise under her skin. Her eyes hardened.
"The maids. I heard them talking in the morning when you were out with Lord Lester."
"And what were they saying?" Edwin asked as a small smile fought to appear on his lips.
"They were saying that they used to think that Lord Lester is the most handsome man with his olive green eyes but now that they had got a glimpse of you, their opinion is changed."
Edwin listened to her as she grumbled more than just narrating him.
"They also said that they had now no chance with Lord Lester as it is rumoured that he has found his mate. But Lord Edwin is still the most eligible bachelor- the handsome beast! And they would not mind spending a night-"
Ruth stopped abruptly. Only she knew how her heart pained when she heard that. The thought of a woman with the man she loved, made the bile rise in her throat. She recalled how she was furious seeing Edwin hugging Florence.
And that time, she was not even aware of her feelings for him.
Edwin did not mock her, nor his chest boasted with manly ego. No! Instead, he felt Ruth and what she must have gone through when she heard other women talking that way about him.
He had been through the same situation too. Ruth being a distinct beauty attracted male attention easily, and unwaveringly. Her innocent acts like smiling, giggling, speaking softly, attracted men towards her as a bee gets attracted to the honey.
"Ruth... you know that I am not interested in any woman but you!" Edwin tried.
But she was not ready to buy his words. "Really? Then why were you enjoying the company of those flirtatious maids. I even saw one of them pulling her dress a little down just to get your attention. That is just ridiculous Edwin!" Those images disturbed her greatly.
Edwin paused for a moment, then he decided to let his heart take control and dictate his speech.
"Ruth... to be honest, I am not good with explaining such delicate things. I am also not great at expressing my feelings. So please pardon me if something wrong comes out of my mouth. Just trust me that I never had, do not have and will never have any intention of hurting you!"
Ruth blinked, looking up at him. His face was not a mould of seriousness. It was a mirror of his heart, just like his eyes that gave the testimony of sincereness of his words.
"If you asked me then a part of me is actually elated. It is elated because... it liked this possessive side of yours."
Ruth's eyes widened as his words made sense to her. She tried snatching away her gaze from him, but he held the left side of her face with his palm to make her look into his eyes.
"The Ruth known to the world is prone to sacrifices. She is willing to give up for others' sake. She is always ready to share anything. She is ready to let go and not regret it if it means she can make someone happy.
And I never wanted my woman to be that when it came to me. I never wanted a woman who will not put up a fight against every odd for me, for the bond we would share.
I did not want a woman who would leave my hand in the midway no matter how valid her reason seemed. I am selfish like that Ruth. I am a no-good man. I never was! But I want to be the one... for you!"
Ruth did not realise that the fresh tears had already begun running from her eyes as she listened to him, mesmerised.
"I understand your insecurities. Honestly, I also have mine. I get cautious when I interact with other men. I get jealous when you laugh with Henry or touch him. Forget about Henry, I even sometimes mind when you get close to Rees.
My mind is crazy like that. If I can not put a lid on my jealousy, my insecurities and my fears, then I also do not have a right to expect you doing that."
"Edwin!"
He rubbed his thumb on her cheek, wiping the tear that glistened on her skin.
"I love you, Ruth! I am in love with you when I realised what I was missing in my life- a pair of hands that would never leave me alone. Which would hold me while we walk through every storm and dust.
I am no poet, I am no writer. Nor I am a good painter or know any art other than fighting to express my deepest feelings in the most effective way. I never felt a need of learning any of that. But every time I look at you, I wish I had."
Edwin was holding back these three words for a long time. He was waiting for a perfect time to tell her how he felt about her. But when he witnessed her possessiveness, saw the fear of losing him in her eyes, it dawned upon him that there was nothing as perfect.
He should not wait to tell his woman how much he loved her because any and every moment in which he would say those three words, would become their perfect time.
"I do not blame you for having insecurities, Ruth. We all have them at some point. But I want you to rise above them because the only woman who has ever captured my heart and soul is you... only YOU!
People will talk, women will wish. But none of that matters to me until you are holding my hand. I love you, Ruth... I love you very much... always and forever!!!"
Edwin hoped he had not frightened her by his sudden confession. He hoped he had successfully sent his feelings to her.
Ruth could listen to him until the end of time. She knew that he was not making up things only to flatter her. He was not that kind of person. Every word he said came straight from his heart and passed straight through hers.
"D-do you l-love me?" Edwin tried masking his fear of rejection.
But the way he stuttered gave away his insecurities to her. Ruth always had this inferiority complex, thinking Edwin was better and perfect than her.
But at that moment, she saw a vulnerable man with a fear of losing the woman he loved. He had the cracks on his walls too. The only difference between them was she tried filling the gaps by being content in what she had, and he tried filling them with dominance and power.
But that did not change the fact that they both were broken and only they could heal each other.
Ruth slowly nodded her head. Her hazel eyes pierced through his cerulean ones as they communicated their stories... stories that the words could not express.
"I love you too, Edwin! I do not know why and when I fell for you. But I did, and I do not regret it even a bit. You are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me, Edwin.
I promise I will rise above my insecurities and fears. I will always hold your hand through every thick and thin. I will not let it go until my last breath. I never imagined that I would romantically love a man so passionately. I always feared giving my everything to a man."
Ruth gulped down the lump formed in her throat. She did not want to ruin this moment by sobbing loudly, as she had by now known that Edwin did not like noise.
"But with you... I did not even realise when I offered my everything to you. I know that you have been with many women before, and I am no match to any of them. But can I tell you that I do not want to be like any of them?
Because if I share any similarities with them, then I will keep fearing losing you like them. I do not want to be like them. I want to be the woman you want me to be. I want to be the woman you will feel proud of. I want to be the woman who is strong enough to hold you at your lowest, only to fly high beside you. I promise I will be that woman... I will!"
Edwin did not want to waste more time, and he leaned for their first kiss.. But before their lips met, someone tried reaching him through the mind link.