Chapter 181 Innermost Desire, the Prelude of an Awakening, or...
Chapter 181 Innermost Desire, the Prelude of an Awakening, or…
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While Dale thought about what to say, given he couldn’t choose between either side, between the Devil and the potential survivors, Tina waited silently for Testros to voice his own opinion on the matter.
… If Dale had his time to ask questions and if she already had hers…
Then it was now time to give the old man some screen time as well.
So Testros spoke: 𝓝𝔬𝑽𝔢𝑙𝑵𝑒xt.𝒞𝞸𝓶
“… Would it truly not be possible to…”
“I’m afraid that may not be possible.” Kuddan replied as he shook his head, interrupting Testros as he was already aware of what he was trying to say
He took out a long scroll from within a shelf full of circular holes on the side, placing it on the table before unfolding it.
It was the real map of the forest!
At least, a small part of it…
“Allow me to explain how it wouldn’t be possible…”
“From here to the Epicenter of this event, it would take several days on foot, at most half a day if you all were to rush there through the temporary path we made.”
He then turned to the other side of the map.
“In comparison, the location of the Last Fortification is almost completely opposite, it would likely take days if not an entire full week to reach there while also avoiding all sorts of ancient traps and the beasts that somehow bypassed the battlefield.”
“Even if you’re all efficient, it would take a week no less to get that far as there aren’t any roads to speed up the process.”
“And even if you assume you can convince whoever is out there to cooperate instantly, it would still take another week to come back…” Kuddan said with some disappointment as he let out a sigh
“That is, if you even can, mayhaps you can traverse through the battlefield unharmed once, but twice?”
“I don’t even need to talk about going around it… Get too close to the Wall and the Devil would be the least of your problems…”
“Get too deep into the forest and the result would be the same as just going across the battlefield, not to say the time loss it would be.”
“Above all, that is all only to reach here again, you would still have to arrive at the battlefield where the fight will endure afterward.”
“It would take close to three weeks no doubt, by them, wouldn’t everything already be over?” Kuddan asked as he turned to look at Testros
“…”
Testros couldn’t reply to what he said…
His desire to meet his past and confirm for himself what happened… He couldn’t easily let go of it.
Dale knew of it also, and he was very much aware that if they were to resolve the problem and come back…
If the survivors were dead by them… If Testros realize he could’ve saved them or met them if he had chosen to turn back…
Testros wouldn’t be the same anymore, he may not even be able to move on.
Dale couldn’t grasp why he put so much importance onto the wall, but perhaps, after so many decades of putting the entire meaning of his existence onto something, it kind of engrained his mentality.
And scrapping it off is something that will take a lot of work to resolve, something Dale had been doing, one step at a time.
Like before, when Testros arrived at the Wall, he managed to throw away a part of the weight on his shoulders, finally awakening and achieving enlightenment, wishing to seek out a better tomorrow and to be part of it.
With a new mindset, Testros decided to carry on the will of those long lost and pass it on to someone else… Himself.
Dale wasn’t so dense as to not understand the inner thoughts of this old man, but he also understood that there was no way of refusing this position.
He wanted to learn, he wanted to get stronger, so was it right for him to refuse the responsibility that came with it?
He may find it annoying, but considering how the Southern Corps was just a shell composed of himself and the old man, Dale let it go if it meant easing the heart of this old soldier while also progressing the world around him.
Even when he arrives at the end, would things really be that heavy on his hands?
Dale did not imagine his responsibilities would ever reach the same stage as that of the Last Commander… And that was his biggest naivety.
But was he wrong to think so? In a sense, he was making use of the old man’s fragility to grow…
Albeit that was a very very grim way of looking at their relationship.
If Dale was only after gains all this time, then he wouldn’t have been able to come this far.
Despite so, everything had been fine and both he and the old man had been progressing…
That was… Until Testros learned of the potential survivors.
The hidden worries he threw away and buried in his heart were suddenly reawakened and now, if he cannot quench the fire that has started to rage…
The flames of regret will eat him alive.
Slowly but surely, his potential will wither away as doubt will once again plague his mind, making him unable to progress or advance.
But at the same time, this was an opportunity.
A past he was unable to resolve had now appeared in front of him, giving him hope of the likes he had never felt before…
And unbeknownst to him, it was clouding his judgment.
Even if they were all dead, he needed to witness their last struggles and remember their names, the presence, and the accomplishments of these warriors that fought for decades in the depths of this green abyss.
Testros needed to know, he needed to see it, so he could give his past its proper farewells…
This was his obsession, the only one he possessed in life.
One so strong it defined his very being.
Testros might hide it, but that was due to his immense patience cultivated over long periods of meditation and self-reflection.
He was like a drug addict suffering from withdrawal.
He could not see that his real life was already within him… He could not let go of the past.
Dale could not tell why he was so adamant about what happened in the past, he never had the chance to ask…
He was concerned about digging too far as well.
Testros lived 80% of his life in the tiny decadent Village of Resko as an Elder that gave and received many advice… His current self was built upon the shoulders of many before him, and many that were now who they were was all thanks to his influence during their growth.
Normally, he would understand that… No, it would be best to say that he used to know.
But after Dale arrived, this part of Testros was seemingly buried within himself.
He was trying to grasp at something greater than himself for validation, forgetting that no one ever asked him of such.
They already respected and loved him for who he was.
Tina already saw the signs of his corroding mind from the moment the old man during this moment of sensibility.
Muddan mentioned the survivors in the meeting, and ever since then, she spoke very little about the subject, trying to not entice the old man during this moment of sensibility.
However, she knew she had pushed the subject too far, it was time to confront it.
After all, he would not stop until he was there, and it was clear to all that in his current state, Testros was completely unsuitable for this operation.
She understood that everything would be resolved the moment he reached there…
Nothing could go wrong, because if it did…
She would be losing an old friend.
“Sigh… If you’re so bothered by it just go.” Tina added as her eyes sharpened
Her fingers clawed at the table as she spoke, her tone and aura deepening as she spoke.
“…”
‘She’s… Actually breaking the table…’
This was Dale’s first time seeing Tina this… Angry?
But was she truly angered?
He had seen her show many expressions but despite her aggressiveness… She was never angry.
In a sense, she was too old to feel such fleeting emotions… But wasn’t she Human too?
Tina was seething with rage at the foolishness of her century-old friend, but she had to hold it in as she knew that bashing her would only make things worse.
She would do so later next to everyone so they could take turns at beating him up.
“What…” Dale said as his eyes opened wide
‘She’s actually agreeing with this?!’
“T-This isn’t something that can…”
But Kuddan was interrupted, no one could change her once she set her sights on something.
Perhaps Dale and Yumi could, but they preferred to not risk themselves by dancing too close to the fire.
“Let’s be frank here, we’re all too old for this… Except him.” She said with a sly smile
“Huh?”
“… It’s not like he’ll do anything in this state, and neither can we keep him chained here as I’m sure the first thing that’ll pass through his mind will be of escaping and going there on his on.” She said in a sharp tone as she turned to Testros
“… Sigh… Am I that obvious to figure out?” He asked with a broken smile as he couldn’t bear to look at her face
“…”
‘So you can’t even face me, huh? What a pathetic sight you’re giving the kid.’
‘It’s… Already time for you to grow up.’
“You… Should definitely reconsider.” Said Kuddan as he touched his mask
‘I can feel his emotions… They are chaotic…’
“No… She’s right, I can’t think of anything else.” Testros replied as he grabbed the edges of the table
“In this state… Much less talk, I’m a liability.”
He turned to Kuddan, saying:
“I deeply apologize to have come this far only to waver at the last moment…”
“But I…”
/Shakes head/
“Sigh… You sure pressure an old man like me…” Kuddan replied as he tapped on the table, lightly shaking his head as his gray hair swayed in the wind
“If you truly wish to delve into a place we’ve long forgotten… Then I may as well comply, given you already answered our call.”
“To risk your life for us… It’s only right we risk ours for yours too.” He said deeply as he looked forward
“! Really?
“Don’t look at me like that… There is little I can provide you.” He said as he shook his head
“One week… Perhaps less than that.”
“You must achieve what you seek within that time, we’ll stall for as long as we can.”
As the atmosphere in the room slowly warmed up, seriousness overtook all of their faces.
Was there a solution to their plight?
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Notes
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