Chapter 170 - Repentance
Chapter 170 – Repentance
At the far end of the room, a lone figure sat in the corner, leaning against the wall. Maybe because of the loud noise of the seal breaking, he turned his head slightly towards me as I entered, as if the sound had just woken him up from sleep.
A huge relief washed over me, and I closed my eyes for a moment, steadying myself so that I wouldn't faint. Thank Heavens, at least he was alive … As long as he was alive.
But when I opened my eyes again and drew closer, my heart sank once more. I almost couldn't recognize him. He had grown so thin, his cheeks hollow and colorless. He was looking at me, but there was no expression on his face, not even a sign of recognition. A strange haze of whiteness stretched across those dark eyes, and they stared at me lifelessly. The long sleeves of his white robe sprawled over the floor, dotted with scatters of scarlet.
It had only been fifty days … What had happened to him?
My steps slowed. Slowed some more. In the slowest and most careful way I could manage, I knelt at his side. But I didn't know what to say to him. Too much had happened over the past month and a half … and I had never expected our reunion to be like this.
He was the one that spoke first. In a raspy voice that was almost a croak, he asked with a frown, "What are you doing here?"
It had probably been too long since he last said anything, and that simple sentence sent him coughing violently. I hastened to help, but he waved me away, covering his face with his sleeve.
I stared at his sleeve, suddenly realizing that the scarlet stains I saw earlier were all gone now. Then I stared into those still hazy eyes. A bit hesitantly, I raised a hand and waved it in front of him, and when his expression didn't change, I finally understood what was going on.
The demonic power was already weighing too much on his soul. Even though he was still alive, he was so close to his limits that his body was starting to deteriorate. He couldn't see anymore, and he was coughing blood …
But even now, even at this point, he still didn't forget to use a cleansing spell and try to hide all of it from me.
I thought my heart wouldn't be able to hurt more than it already had, but it did, and I finally couldn't hold back my tears anymore. "Bai Ye …" I reached for his hand and held it between my palms. He felt cold as ice. "I know it all now … The berserk sword spirit … heart's blood … the traveling medicine man when I was six … the modifications you made to the binding technique …"
He tensed. Although his pupils were no longer focusing, I could still see the astonishment and fear on his face, and his reaction stabbed me like a thousand knives. I bit my lips and stopped before my words turned into sobs. Closing my eyes, I let my tears roll down soundlessly. I didn't want him to know that I was crying.
The room was silent. After a long while that seemed like centuries, I felt a little tremble in his hand. "I'm sorry," he finally said, his voice still weak and airy. "I am a coward. I told myself all the time that I'll wait just a little longer before telling you everything, but the more I waited, the more I …" He shook his head. "I became greedy. I wanted to spend more time with you while I could, and I didn't want anything to change. I was afraid … to see that hate in your eyes again once you learned the truth."
I stared at him, not understanding at all what he was saying. But he couldn't see the look on my face. Turning away from me, he closed his eyes. "I know you said you'll never forgive me, and I don't dare dream of changing your mind. I only wish that you will accept my repentance … and don't let hatred consume you a second time."
"When did I say I'll never forgive you?" I asked in utter confusion. "For what?"
His lips pursed. "Do we have to revisit that day again?" he whispered in almost a plea.
That day? Did he mean that scene in the crystal? I searched hard through my memories, and it took me a little while to remember that towards the end of the vision, the ball had dropped out of my hands, and I never heard what the girl had said to him upon her death.
Her last words for Bai Ye … were those?
I suddenly wanted to tear my past self to pieces. He owed her nothing, and he had done everything he could for her, but what did she do in return for him? Leaving such heartless words upon her last breath to haunt him like a curse for two hundred and fifty years? To make him think that all I wanted from him was revenge?
"You think I came here today … to blame you?" I asked.
He didn't turn back towards me. "Anything you want from me," he said quietly, "I—"
"Bai Ye!" I shouted. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. "I came here to tell you how much of a fool you are! What are you repenting for? What do you expect me to hate you for? You know I wasn't myself under the demonic power's influence, so why do you take those mad words so seriously? Why do you keep trying to convince yourself that I still think the same way?"
He finally turned to me then, and his eyes widened. My heart ached even more seeing him like this. I lifted his hand, pressing it to my chest. "You saved me, Bai Ye, and you gave me a new life and new dreams to live for. I don't want your apologies or atonements. I don't hate you.. I love you … and all I want is for you to come back to me."