Chapter 178 - Changed And Unchanged
Chapter 178 – Changed And Unchanged
He didn't argue more. I knew it would take more than one try to convince him, and I was in no rush, so I didn't speak further either after carefully helping him lie down. Draping an arm over him, I wrapped myself lightly around his cold body, and we quietly went to sleep.
I didn't fall asleep any time soon though. He had revoked the spell over the window seal, and the faint moonlight glowing through the edge of the frame fell on his face, casting a long shadow over his gaunt features. I stared at him for a long time, resisting the temptation to lift my hand and touch his cheek as I tried to match this unfamiliar face to my memory of him.
Before today, I had imagined many ways of what our reunion would be like when he returned from his retreat, but I had never expected this. He had turned into a completely different person, and it wasn't just in appearances. The overwhelming grief and despair emanating from all over him suffocated me, and I couldn't help but wonder which Bai Ye I knew was the real him. Had he always forced himself to look spirited for me in the past years? Were those deep sorrows that I occasionally glimpsed in his eyes the only true feelings he had left?
And he wasn't the only one that changed. After learning our past and the true reason why he had taken me as a disciple, I couldn't think of myself as a mere lucky girl that he picked up from a faraway village anymore. Even though I didn't have any of my past memories, it didn't free me from the responsibilities that resulted from what I had done before, and it didn't change the fact that I could never do enough to reciprocate the sacrifices he had made for me.
What did all of these mean to our future? Would things ever go back to the way they were between us? Despite everything I had said earlier to comfort him, I couldn't stop my own worries, and I lay awake all night.
~ ~
I waited until Bai Ye woke up before I climbed out of bed the next morning. He slept light, but at least he did sleep, and his body warmed up some more after the rest. I let myself feel a little gleeful at the improvement—any small progress would add up, and anything that made him feel better lifted some weight off of my mind.
"I'll head to the library soon," I said as I added more wood to the fire. "If you want to help me save some time, you can tell me what you've found on all those previous trips and point me in the right direction. Otherwise, I'll just start with the books on herbs and poisons to see if I can find a better potion recipe for you, and I'll work my way through the tomes on demonic swords next."
He hesitated as I expected, but only for a little while. "I didn't find too much," he said. "Believe it or not … There are no records of anyone doing something like this before, and therefore no answers on how to deal with the consequences."
I could believe that he was telling the truth this time. After all, Luo Ji had told me that they had spent months searching for a method just to keep the souls alive within Twin Stars. What Bai Ye had done was even more astonishing and unbelievable than that, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if a written solution to our problem didn't exist. But that didn't mean we couldn't find one. "What did the master at Azure Dragon Palace say?" I asked. "Did he suggest any possibilities to look into?"
"Azure Dragon Palace specializes in cycles of souls. Healing is not what they are known for." He paused. "That was why I spent most of the past years focusing on the path of medicine … But it appears that the solution might not be in that direction either. Regular remedies don't have enough strength to offset the damage of a demonic sword. I've already experimented with all the most likely options from those medicine books in the library … None seemed effective. No need to waste more of your time on them."
I wasn't sure if he was trying to help or persuade me to give up, but that was more information than I had expected him to share, so I decided to treat it as a tiny success. "Then I'll start with better understanding the demonic power of the swords," I said. Straightening myself from the fire, I strode towards the entrance. "Wait for me for just a little while. I'll be right back."
Dashing out of the room, I ran to the library and headed straight to the section of sword arts. The book I had read last time—"The Forging of a Demonic Sword"—was still there, along with a few dozen others on the same topic. I didn't want to spend too much time choosing and make him wait, so I dropped all of them into my storage artifact, then dashed back to the meditation chamber. Chuckling at his confused face, I sat down next to him, pouring out the books into a pile by the bed.
"I'll just sit here and read," I said, leaning him closer against me and placed the first book in my lap, "so I can keep you warm and make sure you stay safe at the same time. I promised never to leave you again, and I'm keeping my word."
Holding his hand, I flipped the first page with my other hand and started searching the text. We didn't speak, and the crackling fire was the only sound echoing in the quiet space. But just as I was starting to accept this new norm between us, I felt him move. Slowly, he turned his palm over in my grip, threading his fingers through mine.
I looked up, staring at him in wonder. There was still no expression on his face, but as the morning sunlight glowed lambently over his cheeks, I suddenly realized that I might have been all wrong last night. The Bai Ye I knew had never changed.. He was still here, right next to me.