Chapter 181 - How Dare He!
Chapter 181 – How Dare He!
He stiffened, as if I was a hissing viper threatening to sink my teeth into his neck. "What did he tell you?" he asked, and I heard a rare nervousness in his tone.
"Not much … considering someone made him swear not to." I gave him a glare. Glaring had quickly become my new favorite expression now, and I found it regretful that he couldn't see it. "But thanks to your recent training, Master, I'm getting better at solving puzzles day by day. You gave him a gift, and all of sudden, he had so many bad things to say about you … Does that not sound suspicious at all?"
He fell silent. Knowing that he wouldn't respond with anything other than excuses to fool me, I didn't push him to speak. "I have to admit it was a good plan," I said instead. "If not because we ran into someone at Clear Spring Village that remembered you, and if not because Master Su Nian tried to make me jealous by talking about your past lover, I might have totally been tricked, and I might still be outside that seal right now thinking how much I'd hate to see you return from your retreat."
His brow knitted. "I didn't ask him to lie to you."
"No, but intentionally misleading isn't much better than lying. You are still trying to make me believe something that isn't true."
Another silence. At last, he sighed. "I was only trying to … make things a little easier for you."
"Easier?" I glared at him again. "You misjudged it horribly if you thought that was 'easier' for me. You have no idea how I spent those days before Senior Xie found me and talked some sense into me … Even if you did succeed in making me doubt you and despise you, what makes you think that I'd be able to recover from that pain? What makes you think that I'd enjoy spending the rest of my life regretting that I fell in love with a liar and murderer?"
He opened his mouth to argue, but I didn't stop to hear it. "And you've always promised to keep me safe," I continued. "What makes you think I'll be safe here after dozens of years if you still haven't come out of the retreat? You know the Gatekeeper already wanted to get rid of me. What would he think if something this big happens in our hall?"
"No one can blame you for someone else's retreat going awry," he replied quickly this time. "Even if it really comes to that day … Xie Lun has promised to help you with anything that might happen as well. He'll make sure you can leave Mount Hua safely. You've always missed a commoner's life … It might take some time to get used to it again, but it will suit you in the end."
I stared at him in disbelief. He was talking about all of this as if it was already a fully fleshed-out picture in his mind, as if he had planned and revisited that life for me over and over already. "Is that why you asked him to take me back to my village? Not just to cheer me up … but to ease me back into that lifestyle as well?" I heard my voice starting to tremble. "You did plan everything for me, didn't you? Maybe I worried too much about not being able to recover from the 'betrayal'. You've probably thought of that as well and even planned a daoist companion for me to take your place?"
I regretted those words immediately after I said them. I was too mad that he went this far to paint my life after his death, and I couldn't stop the sarcasm before it rolled off my tongue. But before I could apologize, the color drained some more from his face. Turning slightly away from me, he lowered his head as if in guilt.
Astonishment petrified me. "D-Don't tell me you've actually considered it." I stammered. "You— Tell me that wasn't why you asked me what I thought of Senior Xie back then … You weren't planning to …"
He pursed his lips, and that silent response made my heart stop. "BAI YE!" I bellowed. How dare he! How could such a thought even cross his mind? How could he think I was so heartless that I'd forget all about him and be with someone else? "BAI YE!!!" I shouted again and grabbed his collar, hoping to shake some sense out of him. "You—"
But I had forgotten that his weak body couldn't take physical shocks like this anymore. My grip had barely closed over his collar when he started coughing, so violently that I thought he might suffocate. I loosened my hold on him and hastened to help him smooth out his breathing, all the while cursing inwardly. This stubborn fool was impossible to understand … impossible to reason with … and I couldn't even show him the slightest anger without triggering consequences! This wasn't fair!
"Qing-er." I heard him struggle to speak. Between residual waves of coughs, he raised his hand and clasped it around my wrist, and I realized belatedly that I was shaking. "I'm sorry," he said weakly. "But don't anger yourself like this, it's not worth it …"
I winced a little at his begging tone, and I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. I had really felt a surge of rage then, but I reminded myself that anger wasn't the right way to deal with this stubborn fool. "You are ridiculous and manipulative beyond reason," I mumbled and pulled back my hand.
"I'm sor—"
"Apologizing doesn't make me feel any better," I cut him off. "But if you want to make it up to me, I can consider giving you a chance."
Moving closer, I leaned into him, and I stopped just before our lips touched. "Kiss me," I breathed. "Kiss me until I'm calm. Until I'm satisfied.. Then MAYBE I'll forgive you."