Chapter 188 - I Believe In You
Chapter 188 – I Believe In You
I made it back to Mount Hua with a troubled mind. The excitement of finding a solution at last was shadowed by worries, and I cringed at the thought of making Bai Ye suffer even more after what he had already gone through. Was it worth it? Or should I take some more time looking for a different alternative?
The room was still warm and quiet when I stepped in. Bai Ye turned towards me, a faint smile on his face. "Luck was on our side this time," he said. "No one came while you were away."
I halted by the entrance, and I wondered from his reassuring tone if he had expected the result of my trip to be disappointing. Revoking my spell mark on the door, I dragged my feet a little while moving to his side. "Some luck was with me at the Misty Mountains too." I managed a half-hearted smile. "Although … I could've used more."
I sat down next to him and told him the details of my encounter with the bixie family, the solution that the mother gave me, and the story of her lost children. "After you fully recover," I said at the end, "we'll go look for the young bixies together. Maybe it'll appease the mother's enmity towards cultivators if she knows that the person she saved helped her reunite her family in return."
He nodded, laying his hand on top of mine. "You did the right thing," he said, and I heard the pride in his voice, along with a slight tremble. "Although … You don't sound as excited as you should be about getting the answer from her."
"Excited?" I stared at him. "But with such a risk …" I shook my head. "I want to keep looking. We still have time, and maybe luck will stay on our side. I can make the mixture now, but we don't have to use it yet …"
"Why not?" He closed his fingers over mine, holding my hand. "This is the solution that you've finally found after all your hard work, Qing-er. It's much better than what I was able to achieve in over two hundred years. What are you worried about?"
I stared at him harder. Did he just ask me what I was worried about? Was he not listening? "The risk, of course!" I repeated. "The bixie said it would threaten your life if you lose control of the spiritual power flow—"
"IF," he stressed. "The demonic power may have weakened me physically, but my consciousness is intact, and I've told you before that I'm not sensitive to pain. Why do you expect that I would lose control?"
I remembered then that he did tell me such, and I had witnessed it myself at Misty Mountains when the yazis left those terrifying wounds on his back. "W-Why aren't you sensitive to pain?" I suddenly wondered. "Is it because of … heart's blood?"
His brow knitted. Although he didn't admit or deny it, I already knew the answer from that look, and my heart ached. Again, it was because of me … Because he had been taking a knife to his heart for two hundred and fifty years, and he had grown so accustomed to it that he could take what others consider excruciating torture without batting an eye.
"Qing-er," he said softly, tightening his grip on my hand. "You are overthinking it. You asked me to trust you to find a solution, and I did. Now it's my turn to ask that you do the same for me. My task is much easier than yours, and I promise you that I won't fail."
"But we don't have to resort to this yet," I argued. "This is not the final solution that we need anyway. Only a few decades, and at such a high price! If you just give me some more time—"
"Some more time while I stay like this?" he scoffed, shaking his head slightly. "You have no idea … how much I wished I could help you when the Gatekeeper cornered you at the door that day … how much I wished I could walk on my own and not have to trap you in this room to take care of me … how much I—" he lifted his hand, laying it a little clumsily over my cheek, "—wish I could see you, so that I could tell you how much I missed you, and …"
His voice trembled again, and he paused. Then he shifted and circled his arms around me. "This is a far better solution than I could even wish for in my dreams, Qing-er. Any extra day with you is priceless, and I'll do this a hundred times over if that's what it takes to get a few decades. You asked me to come back to you, and I am sorry that I've been hesitant this whole time, because I couldn't see that ray of hope the same way you did. But now, you've found it for me, shown it to me … I can't tell you how grateful I am, and I swear I will not disappoint you again."
My heart skipped a beat. He had never said anything like this to me ever since I broke through that seal. For the whole week, I had thought that part of the reason he kept trying to push me away was that he had truly lost the desire to live. That was why I had tried so hard to tell him how much I loved him and wanted him back, but I didn't realize until now that it wasn't what he needed. He wanted to live too, and he would do everything he could to be with me just like I would do it for him … as long as he could see the light through the darkness that consumed him.
I wrapped my arms around him as well, completing that embrace. "I believe in you, Bai Ye," I whispered. "I will prepare the mix right away, and once you get better, we'll go search for that method to heal you the rest of the way.. Together."