Chapter 193 - Secrets In The Drawer
Chapter 193 – Secrets In The Drawer
To avoid further tempting myself, I didn't swaddle him with kisses for too long. The consequence of staying awake all night hit me after a little while, and I went back to sleep with my head resting on his shoulder. The luxury of lying in his arms felt heavenly, and I didn't wake up again until it was almost noon.
"You can keep sleeping," he said as I rubbed my still bleary eyes and reached for my day robe. "I can get up on my own now if I need anything, and—"
A loud growl of my stomach interjected, and he paused. Then we both laughed. "Looks like it's me that needs something," I said a bit embarrassedly.
Reluctantly letting me out of his arms, he fetched his own clothes that I placed beside the bed last night. "When would you give me permission to start cooking for you again?" he asked. "I'm not the only one that needs to be nurtured back to health. You've grown thin yourself since … since I left."
I gave him a sideways glance and bit back the words on my tongue—of course I had grown thin. I hadn't felt like eating for almost three months, first from the heartbreak of his "betrayal" and then from the constant fear that he might die any moment. He should know those reasons, and he should know that the nourishment I needed wasn't food.
"Not until our deal is over," I replied. "Your only goal right now should be to focus on yourself. As long as you stay safe and sound, I will naturally get my appetite back soon enough."
He quieted, lowering his head in obvious guilt. My hands paused for a moment as I finished dressing—I wasn't sure if it was the return of his sight that made all his expressions so much more vivid, but that disappointment looked so vulnerable on him that I almost wanted to take my words back. Secretly, I felt just a tiny bit thankful that he did lose his sight for the past month—had I been arguing with him while he gave me looks like these, I wasn't so certain who would've won.
Slipping out of bed before he got another chance to sway me, I restarted the fire and straightened my robe. "Is there anything else you need from your room besides your clothes?" I asked. "I'll get it for you on my way back from the kitchen."
"The books in my desk drawer would be nice to have … if you'll let me read them." He smiled brightly, showing every intention of keeping his part of the deal and following my command. "I can't practice swords anytime soon, and if I am to stay in this room with you for the rest of the month … I need something else to distract my attention away from you."
"…" My momentary relief at hearing his plan to rest well by reading books was quickly shattered. How could he be filling his head with those thoughts again so soon! Someone was definitely not going to get any rewards today, I thought while gritting my teeth. Giving him another hard glare, I stomped out of the door.
~ ~
It turned out that my appetite was already starting to make its return. I ate a wholesome meal larger than what I had eaten all day yesterday, and by the time I made my way to his room, I was already feeling hungry again. If things continued at this rate, it wouldn't take long at all before I could gain all that lost weight back.
I hadn't stepped into his room ever since he left for that "retreat". When the door opened for the first time in three months, I hesitated a little over the threshold. Everything still looked the same way they did three months ago—in my haste to question him, I had dashed out of the door that morning without cleaning up anything. The curtains were still drawn closed. The blankets and sheets were still in a messy lump. The crystal that he gave me was still lying on the floor, after I had dropped it from my grip and let it roll off the bed.
I padded over and picked it up. The stone was cold to the touch, almost like the way his body felt when I first found him in that meditation chamber. I rubbed my fingers over its smooth surface, and my heart clenched. The pain from that day was still too fresh … so was the shock from everything that had happened since then. But at the same time, it felt as if a lifetime had already passed since then, and in a way, I suppose that it did.
Thank Heavens that all of it was in the past now. I couldn't be more grateful that fate had given me all those clues to lead me to the truth, to bring me back to him and help him step out of that darkness. At last, I was able to come inside this room again, and there was more than just pain and hurt left in my heart when I did.
Carefully stowing away the crystal, I cleaned the bed and folded the blankets neatly. I opened the curtains, let the afternoon sunshine fill the room with light, and started going through the desk drawers for the books Bai Ye wanted.
There was only one book in the first drawer—the meditation script that I copied years ago. The one that I saw him reading the night before he left for the "retreat". My heart clenched again, now that I understood the real reason why he was reading it at that time. Moving my eyes away from it, I closed the drawer softly, continuing with the next one.
A small chest sat inside the drawer below, lid tied shut with a sturdy knot. I examined it curiously. Did he place his books inside a chest? Knowing how much care Bai Ye treated his books and swords with, I suppose that wasn't impossible. I took the chest out of the drawer and untied the knot, sliding the lid open.
My breath caught at what was inside.