Chapter 213 - A Friend's Fear
Chapter 213 – A Friend’s Fear
I winced internally at her reaction. Bai Ye was right when he said that Wen Shiyin wasn't persistent enough to be the person to change Xie Lun's mind. It was obvious how much they both cared about each other, but how would they ever be able to cross that barrier between them, if Wen Shiyin didn't want to confront Xie Lun and fight for a chance to be with him?
Although I knew it was none of my business, I didn't want to see such a perfect pair miss each other just because of this. Since Wen Shiyin had just given me her completely honest advice, it was only fair that I gave her mine as well.
"Senior Wen," I said. "This is actually related to why I'm here today. I was hoping to find you and explain the gossip that's been spreading lately between me and Senior Xie. I assume you should see by now that it was only a misunderstanding … He went on that 'mysterious trip' with me to help me through some issues related to my master, and I had visited Master Teng Yuan afterward for the same reason. The events simply lined up too well for speculations … And I'm very sorry if the rumors caused you trouble or bothered you in any way."
She smiled a little, covering the slight awkwardness on her face. "It's kind of you to think of coming and clarifying this to me," she said. "The news did catch me by surprise, but I wasn't troubled or disheartened by it, so no need to apologize. I was more curious as to … whether Xie Lun would accept such a request this time."
I raised an eyebrow. Wen Shiyin's reaction to events seemed to always contradict my expectations. She actually thought Xie Lun might agree to it? "What would you have done if he did?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I won't deny that I will feel jealous, but I have a lot of respect for you, Yun Qing-er. Compared to all these other admirers that have been swarming him, you are one of the few that's sincere and trustworthy. I can at least be relieved that he has chosen someone who deserves him."
I suppose I should've felt proud of her opinion of me, but all I could do then was to stare at her with wide eyes. "You would simply accept it?" I asked. "You wouldn't even question him? Don't forget that he had only rejected you before because he didn't want to ever take a daoist companion!"
"He is free to change his mind, and he has no obligations to choose me. I have neither the right nor the intention to influence anyone on decisions for his own life."
I felt tongue-tied. A part of me thought that what she said made sense, and that everyone should indeed have the freedom to decide for themselves what they wanted, but another part of me couldn't disagree more. If I had followed that logic and let Bai Ye choose the life he wanted, I would've had to bury that fool already.
"Love isn't just one person's business." I decided to argue. "I agree with you that trickery isn't the right way to achieve our goals, but being honest and fighting for what we deserve is. How can you be so certain that Senior Xie doesn't reciprocate your feelings if you don't even give it another chance? I thought it was really brave of you to have asked him about becoming daoist companions, and I hope his response didn't thwart your courage."
Wen Shiyin was silent for a moment. Then she smiled again a little bitterly. "It's not that I don't have the courage to hold on to what I want …" she said softly. "It's that … if I do, what if I tax his patience and end up losing him even as a friend?"
Her words struck me, and I suddenly remembered that day when Bai Ye saved me from the deadly venom with dual cultivation. I had been so anxious and afraid to meet his eyes for days afterward, because I knew that things had forever changed between us, and that we would never be able to return to being simply master and disciple to each other anymore. I was fortunate that Bai Ye's love for me was real … But without knowing the fact, perhaps I wouldn't have wanted to cross that line if I had a choice. The price of losing all the little happiness I could get from watching him quietly in the shadows was too high for me, and I wouldn't have been willing to risk it.
Was this the same thing Wen Shiyin was thinking? She would rather stay distant friends with Xie Lun, because she feared that being too outspoken about her feelings might drive him further away and break what little ties they still had?
I looked at her, shocked to find out that someone as confident as her would have such an insecure side as well. I wanted to keep trying to persuade her, but in all honesty, I understood her worries all too well, and without knowing how Xie Lun truly felt, I wasn't so sure anymore if taking more initiative would help her.
"I appreciate your concern for me." Wen Shiyin broke the silence. "I know you are trying to help, but maybe Xie Lun and I just aren't ready yet. Time might help us … Or at least, it will eventually give us an answer."
I nodded with a light sigh. "I hope I wasn't being too nosy … and I do wish the best for both of you. I heard that Senior Xie is traveling for his ascension. It's a huge regret that I don't get to see him before I leave, but I hope all our paths will cross again, and maybe by the next time we meet, the two of you will have some exciting news for me."
Wen Shiyin chuckled.. Though when we said our final goodbyes, I couldn't help but find the smile on her face a bit too wistful.