Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

“No,” Royo replied without even thinking about it.

“Why?!” Jared protested.

“Look around! It’s the middle of the night!”

I nodded, “That’s true…”

Unfortunately, we just caught Royo on his break and it was in the middle of the night—and even with the help of NVGs—we’d just look like dumbasses trying to zero a shelved gun without proper targets to acquire from afar. However, the only way that we could actually benefit from this trade was not to fucking rush it and actually take our time to fully examine the gun and weigh our options.

Jared cut in, “I-I-I thought we’re gonna bling it up and shit, bro?!”

I waved him off as I turned to Royo who was looking at his watch, “Hey, you up for a deal though?”

Royo looked taken aback for a moment before he let out a chuckle, “A dildo? What— I thought we were talking about guns ‘ere? I don’t have any in stock but if you could supply me with some, it’ll be great.”

I snorted, “Dumbass. I said if you’re— Nevermind…”

“Hah! Gotcha, huh?! What sort of deal are we talking about?”

My smile slowly turned to a more serious expression, “Look, I’m not telling you that you’re a crook but I’ve been burned a few times when I was dealing with used guns with the old man, and I learned a few things from him. But among those things I’ve learned, a rush to sell to a person who’s that interested in procuring a gun and buying it as brand-new is a huge red flag for me, sorry.”

Royo nodded a few times, “But where else could you find this thing? There’s a lot from where I came from, sure, but it’s a different story in this place, no?”

Jared tried to butt in again, “Bro—”

I palmed his face and pushed him aside, “However, I might have a deal— I mean, a proposition that could even the odds for me even for a little bit. Maybe even put me in a slight advantage.”

Royo’s eyebrow raised, “Curious. What do you suggest?”

“Alright. I’m gonna risk you not being that generous after that clock strike past midnight because I’m gonna need to have a more thorough look at this gun before I could offer a proper trade on it.”

“Understandable…”

“But… do know that this thing I’m offering you is contingent on a few things.”

“Just tell me, man.”

“Alright. The easy route is to trade SCAR for SCAR with us adding anything to match that SCAR’s value—after thoroughly checking it first—but I’ll gladly add anything else for that matter because my cousin here just really~ wanted to have it.”

“Hmm~ Sounds fair. The most basic concept in trading actually—”

“But this here’s the hard route— and boy~ I’m sure as hell that this is gonna be a thinker on your part because it’s definitely gonna be heavy.”

“Ah— You want this deal or not? And why would I accept something that sounds like it wouldn’t benefit me?”

I looked him straight in the eye, “I know you’ve found your thing to continue serving your country and its people but—”

“What are you fuckin’ on now—”

“Let me finish, man. This is my fucking pitch— don’t cut in while I’m doing this.”

“…”

“Thank you. But yeah, you have the ability to make all sorts of shit and still continue to shoot sub-MOA—as you’ve said, of course—and it’s a great thing that you can only do but wouldn’t you prefer to be able to fight on equal ground— no, even greater heights once you’re tiny~ little~ problem gets solved?”

“…” Royo didn’t say a word but he know full well that I was talking about his partially lost vision.

“You see—pun unintended—I had a chance encounter with a very nice woman who was, unfortunately, got splashed with acid from a jealous lover, and she had something much, much worse than you. However, with some things I’m gonna skip over, we solved her problems and we made a little fireworks show the moment she recovered.”

“…”

“What I’m saying is… Full disclosure: I’m not a doctor. BUT! I know you’re fucking busy too but you should at least get that looked at by a couple of professionals and if there’s a chance… there’s a chance, right? What do you think?”

“…”

“Ah— You can talk now, sorry about that.”

Royo took a deep breath before opening his mouth, “Look… I can’t.”

“Why?”

“This shit *motioned to the entirety of Building 34* needs to keep on going. I can’t just leave my fucking post twice.”

“But you’re gonna come back even better. Besides, Thomas can be the head for a bit while I send a few of my engineers over and I’ll gladly share some of my tools and the blueprint for one of our patented axes. It’s—”

“This is going too fast, kid. H-How long would I be o-out anyway?”

“Realistically speaking— No. It depends on what kind of treatment you’re getting. And take note: we can only do it for so many people so it’s just on a first come, first served basis—”

He shook his head, “Now you’re the one rushing me, huh?”

I wanted to look cocky but I maintained a respectful expression, “I am in a way but yeah, realistically speaking, you’d be out of commission for 3-4 months.”

“That’s—”

“Meaning… no fabrication work or anything similar to that but you can still give pointers and handle some logistics if you really have an itch for it. It may even be faster depending on your recovery but I’m gonna advise you right now to not fucking rush it or it just might make things worst for you.

But yeah, 3-4 months or even half a year is nothing compared to doing what you actually want for the rest of your life, no?”

Royo then looked down, “Dammit…”

“Something wrong?”

“N-No… Fuck… You fucking got me, kid… There’s no way I could have an answer to that…”

“It’s a yes or no question, Royo—”

“ASSHOLE! I MEANT IN A— AHHHHH! WHAT ELSE CAN I TELL YOU?! NO?! I’LL BE THE BIGGEST FUCKING DUMBASS IF I DON’T SAY YES TO THAT!”

“Is it a yes though—”

“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! OF COURSE, IT’S A YES! HAVE THE GOLDEN BUZZER TOO IF YA WANT! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! WHEN CAN WE SCHEDULE THE APPOINTMENT?!”

“As soon as you want but we could do it in a few days right as the Major leaves.”

“FOR REAL?! C’MERE, ASSHOLE!”

“What are you—”

“I’M HUGGING YOUR UGLY-ASS AS THANKS!”

“I-I’d rather have one of those drones you fucks use to spy on people— AHHHHH! MY BONES ARE SCREAMING, YOU ASSHOLE! LEMME GO!”

“NOT A FUCKING CHANCE! YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING FROM MY COLLECTION! FUCK IT, I’LL ALLOW YOU TO SAY THE N-WORD TOO!”

I quickly waved him off, “N-No… I have a “brother” friend who gave me one of those cards too but that’s a trap, I tell ya… I know a beating when I see one— AHHHHHH! THE FUCK ARE YOU SO STRONG FOR?! WANT ME TO JUST GO WITH THE EASY ROUTE?!”

“HAHAHAHAHA!!! NOT A CHANCE BRO, NOT A CHANCE!”

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