Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

I was trying to have both parties to understand that killing each other for material stuff— yeah, it sounds cringe in my head as well— but yeah, it wasn’t like they were starving to death or had a fucking gold mine on that plot of land where the deal was made, where they’d be able to make it rich overnight— no, it was a simple case of owing someone some stuff but the process of paying it back became lost in a quagmire and only the nine divines know what’s the actual truth of the matter is.

But the truth that I know was that they’d lose more if they continued this squabble—they were only going on for pride and extreme pettiness, escalating their grievances more and more until the original dispute was just a figment of what they were currently fighting for.

Then I continued:

“Here’s my little prediction— if you two also hack each other to death, you’d both get sent into the hospital and the small clinic this place has would have to use their resources to try and keep your sorry fucks alive.”

“…” eveyone else.

“And after that, since it hadn’t solved anything yet, you’ll continue wasting resources for a mere $40 plus change, and the soldiers here would rather waste a bullet in each of your heads than to patch you up with gauze and care for you in one of the beds which should’ve been reserved for the people going outside and fighting the dead.”

“…”

“Though I sometimes look on the bright side. If you two families are gone, we’ll have a better group inherit your shit at zero cost, and all they’d have to do is their dailies and be less of a headache. It’s not like we don’t want you to air out your grievances, but come the fuck on! Fucking realize that everyone’s at fault and shit fucking happens. Take it to the fucking chin, or you’d lose something more important.”

At that moment, a few of the older women from each side rolled their eyes but never said anything. They just crossed their arms or put their hands on their hips—looking like they were protesting, but were just glaring at their current “representative” just to get on with it.

As much as possible, I hate to fucking go this route but this is looking like the case that there are just some people that were in so fucking deep, they’d rather watch the world burn just to get what they wanted instead of letting go and healing through time, distance, or a compromise.

But the solution couldn’t come at a much better time.

Captain Malapitan’s radio buzzed and everyone heard what the person at the other line said:

–

*bzzt*

[Sir! This is Tommy! The two are somewhat holding on, but we need blood, bandages, sterile equipment— everything! The stitching is— the gauze— we’re on our last few bottles of coagulants and antibiotics too! We can’t afford another patient coming in like this! Do those people have some in their ship?! Sir?!]

*bzzt*

–

At that moment, Captain Malapitan replied promptly and told the Tommy person to standby before everyone else looked at me. The majority of the two families—even the two dudes who were holding their knives were looking at me with pleading gazes, but the same middle-aged women were still looking at me with derision.

I was this close to punching them in the face but I turned to Captain Malapitan and said:

“We have everything on our ship.”

“T-Thank you—” One of the dudes with the knife face’s softened, but I cut him off.

“Don’t thank me yet. That shit ain’t free.”

“Anything! We’ll do anything!” The other dude replied with a solemn look, handing back the knife I gave him.

I scoffed, “No, you can’t.”

“Try me.”

“Okay. Can you swallow your pride and take it on the chin?”

“That’s… Want me to give back the stuff?”

I turned to the other dude, “Can you do the same?”

He shook his head, “We don’t owe them—”

“No. I’m talking if you can bury the hatchet with this dude.”

“…will that be enough payment for—”

I chuckled, “Not at all. That’s just a start. Names.”

“What? Ah— Mikey.”

I turned to the first dude, “You?”

“Boyet.”

“Okay. Mikey, Boyet. As of this moment, you’d both be working as Unc Junior’s helpers, what he says, you fucking do. Pack your shit as you’ll start today. I don’t care if you have your wife and kids here; they can visit you over there or on your days off. Mikey gets Saturday, Boyet gets Sunday. You’ll stay as long as your previous heads stay in the hospital, plus 3 months. Is that a deal?”

“W-What?/ Hospital?”

“We’ll be only giving them enough for them to be stable. Then what happens after? We take them back with us—for lack of a better term, as hostages. They’ll be taken care of in my city, and if you fucks start some shit again and waste resources, we’ll use them as a crash-test dummy.”

As soon as I said that, the faces they gave me were that shit was moving too fucking fast, and they had to step back to process and slow down. However, that didn’t stop those sixty-or-so-year-olds from giving me— or should I say, continue throwing me a disapproving look.

I just chuckled as I turned to them with a mocking grin, “What? Have a better idea than that? Being old doesn’t mean shit, Mee-Maw. That just means you fucks are old. You’re being given grace because you’re supposed to come with wisdom, but the best you could come up with is to have your families kill each other. Fucking act your age for fuck’s sake.”

At that point, I had a mix of reactions, though Quinn and Lucy couldn’t hold themselves from laughing out loud, a quick pinch and elbow from Kaley and Tatiana made them turn around and settle down, but I had more shit to say to their families.

“Alright, I’ll need one or two more hostages from each family to take care of your previous heads back home. It would involve having someone to talk to, taking care of their daily needs, and etc., but we do have nurses you can hire while you work at my place at the same time. If none of you are available, just have your current heads work an additional 2 months after your previous head gets discharged.”

“…” everyone else.

“That’s the whole deal, any questions? Mrs. Valdez? Yes?”

She shook her head before taking a deep breath, “We need to talk.”

“We ARE currently talking.”

“Privately, I mean.”

As soon as she mentioned that, Captain Malapitan had already ordered the rest of the soldiers to escort the two families to another room but I had other plans in my mind. I couldn’t care less whether they’d be here or not.

I just decided to take care of another problem as I replied:

“You’re not my type, sorry.”

“YOU— I HAVE A HUSBAND—”

“Home-wrecking’s not my thing, too.”

“BE SERIOUS!”

“Can’t take a fucking joke, my bad. But yeah, whatever you have to say, you can say in front of everyone. I hate keeping secrets— unless it’s THAT personal, however I run my shit, everyone knows… unless it’s THAT confidential.”

‘Well, that didn’t make much sense… heh.’

She clenched her hand for a moment before letting go, “F-Fine… I’d like… I’d like to relinquish my duties as this place’s Barangay Captain. I’m afraid I’m not capable of fulfilling my duties in the current situation.”

I looked at her blankly, “Sure, I guess?”

“J-Just like that?”

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Everything. Background-type shit. Why you’re choosing to quit. The fuck your husband’s at? And plans after you sign away what little power you hold?”

Funnily enough, I didn’t think I’d do an exit interview of someone I didn’t even employ but here we are. She told everyone a bit of her life as a counselor before she tried going to the political route for the government benefits but the first time she got elected as the Barangay Captain, this shit went down.

And her main reason as to why she chose to quit was also the reason why she wanted to speak with me privately.

Turns out, these two “Captains” were having an affair and once Mr. Valdez found out, he packed up and disappeared. No one fucking knows where he’s at, and her plan is to focus her remaining time to repair the relationship by finding him and doing whatever it takes. She couldn’t care less about dignity anymore but this was one example of wisdom not coming with age.

I just looked at her with a straight face, “It’d be easier to just smack your head against a rock. No chance in hell you’d survive out there— or finding your husband. You even sure he’s alive and well?”

“N-No…”

“You do know how stupid you’re fucking sounding, huh? How about I make you a deal?”