Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

As Sebastian dropped another bomb on our feet, I thought I had already run out of reactions for a possible thumbnail, but everyone else definitely thought that something was fucking off when his three blood brothers: Gerald, Chris Irvine, and Keith were also shocked to fuck at the revelation.

Quinn was the first one to react, “HOLD UP, SOMETHING’S NOT RIGHT HERE!”

Sebastian had never looked so confused, “Pardon?”

She pointed at the three right beside him, “THEY WERE THERE, RIGHT?!”

“Yes? And?”

“AND?! THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?! AND?! WHY ARE THEY AS SURPRISED AS US?!”

“I-I don’t follow—”

“DON’T FOLLOW?! WHAT IS THERE NOT TO FOLLOW?! YOU SUDDENLY BRING UP EATING YOUR MOTHER FOR DINNER AND YOUR ACCOMPLICES CAN’T SEEM TO REMEMBER A DAMN THING?! THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?!”

As Quinn was ranting at the top of her lungs, the three were also nodding in kind because it did really seem like Sebastian was once again pulling the wool over our eyes. However, it only took a few seconds for Sebastian’s brain to process what Quinn had just said before his face warped into this look of disgust and discomfort.

“W-Wait, I didn’t say any of that!”

“HAAAAH?! YOU JUST ALLUDED TO IT BY SAYING YOU FINALLY HAD A FULL MEAL! AM I BEING GASLIT BY THIS FUCKER?! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD SEBASTIAN THAT I’LL SHAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD IF—”

Sebastian cut in as he waved her off, “H-Hold on, I did say we finally had a full meal but I didn’t mean my mother! The full meal I meant was the bread and water in the kitchen above! N-Not— T-That’s revolting to even think of that! Is that how all of your minds work?! T-That’s horrible!”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“My dear g-guests? My lords?”

Honest to fucking god, it was fucking quiet for several seconds as everyone was thinking as to how Sebastian was this so fucking good at making people misunderstand them, him, and each other, one or all at the same time. I assumed it was his way of talking eloquently but this night might very well be his own fucking demise.

As strong as he was, he wasn’t able to keep several people from holding him down and bonking him a couple of times.

In any case, he spent more time tidying himself up again and combing his hair back before going back to his seat though everyone else deserved a short breather from the things we heard earlier. But yeah, it was still sad to hear that young kid’s first “full” meal of his life was stale bread and a glass of water but compared to what he consumed before, it was definitely the best one by far.

‘Maybe one of the reasons he acquired such a taste for good food and delectable wine… He can’t just go back to whatever it was he was eating before…’

Then Sebastian audibly cleared his throat as he gathered everyone’s attention:

“Alright, alright… I apologize for the delay and the… misunderstanding I’ve caused but shall I continue where I left off? Okay? Here we go— Where was I again? Oh! The full meal… Haha… Ha… A-Alright, as we left my mother’s corpse in the basement, we made our way to the same passage we took—until we reached the kitchen and found some bread—though the inside was totally different from what I’ve remembered…”

“How so?”

“It did have the necessities for a woman to live alone in the mountains but it definitely had jars, vials, and different kinds of containers that… contained her hobbies… I was— I mean, part of me was in some of them too but I didn’t even care about that because I just remember that my head just got flooded with new things I haven’t seen before but I still can’t forget the first time I chomped on that piece of bread… All of these delicacies from my collection but nothing could ever top that… Part of me wishes to taste the same thing again but I’d have to recreate the whole environment and the same exact situation but I might just die this time…”

‘Ah… It’s the opposite way then…’

Sebastian continued, “But yeah, as funny as this may sound, when I had the chance to take a proper look at them,” he chuckled as he pointed to his brothers, “The first thing I told them was that—pardon the language—they looked like shit, smelled like shit, and was probably eating shit from the moment they were born but these three just laughed at my face and made me look into this item they called a mirror! I obviously knew what it was now but I just have to mention that was the first time I felt like I almost jumped out of my skin!”

Mauro joked, “Wait, wait… pfft… how are you so scared of seeing your face if you’ve been seeing your mother’s face every single day—”

Sebastian didn’t take it to heart as he chuckled, “As atrocious my mother was to me, she didn’t look the type to do those at all. Besides, I dunno who my father was but you can at least tell where I got my face from. Curious eh?”

“That’s…”

Ruben interjected, “B-But how did you know that she’s actually your mother?”

Then everyone else looked at Ruben weirdly.

“I don’t understand the question, dear sir…”

“I mean… She could still look like you and vice versa but that doesn’t mean that she’s actually your mom, right? She could just be a distant relative too!”

Sebastian nodded a few times, “Well~ There is a small chance of that but I don’t wanna bet on the chance that my real mother could still be out there in this world that now had turned to this nigh-impossible to live on unless you’re part of the 1%…”lightsnovel

Ruben shook his head as he wore a difficult expression, “It’s just… O-Our mothers shouldn’t do that to t-their sons… o-or their daughters in that regard…”

There was a moment of silence there for a moment but Sebastian wore a gentle smile as he turned to everyone:

“As difficult as my ‘childhood’ was compared to everybody—or most people that grew up with loving and caring mothers… do know that I agree with that statement 100%. And yeah, growing up seeing kids my age not just with their mothers but also their fathers put me in a difficult position because as much as I would hate to admit it… the feeling of envy was ever-present…”

“…”

“But yeah, as crude as this may sound to the madam… I, for one, consider her as my mother figure while I consider Sir Clyde as my father figure. Only a handful of people here know what they did not only for me but for them as well to get back on our own two feet… And yeah… Sal did work us hard enough to vomit our breakfast, lunch, and dinner on a daily basis, and it might even be considered involuntary child labor of some sort but now… I can put on this very nice uniform, serve guests such as yourselves, pursue a hobby, hunt down my enemies on my own time, and much, much more…”

lightsΝοvel “…”

“What I’m trying to say is that… It’s already cliche at this point but sometimes, blood doesn’t determine whether you are their actual mother, brother, or anything else in that regard… Simple as that…”

In any case, Sebastian shared more details of his past as the other three added on for more context or other perspectives but as the subject became more and more sappy for our tastes, we just decided to kick it up a notch.

And as one of a hell butler should do, he pulled out a tuned guitar, some graham crackers, marshmallows, and a lot of chocolate for everyone to make smores, but a fight almost broke out as to who would get to first play the guitar.

“Gimme!”

“D’you even know how to play?!”

“I know Stairway to Hea—”

“NO!”

“Then what are you gonna play?!”

“Drive by Incubus?”

“Alright, alright—”

“I~~~~ Wish you were here—”

“THAT’S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT ONE! DRIVE BY INCUBUS MY ASS! GIVE THAT TO ME!”

“Watch how his fingers tangle…”

“Then you play it then!”

“Alright! ALRIGHT! I’m not gonna play some pop shit, alright?!”

“You’re saying alright too many times!”

“SHUT UP! Here’s a song by Imagine Dragons—”

“HAAAA?! WANT A KICK IN THE HEAD?!”

“BRING IT!”

“C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG! WITH THE C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG! WE CAN’T HELP IT IF YOU JUST SING ALONG~~~”

“THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ACAPELLA FOR?!”

“OH-AH-AH-AH-AH!”

“NOT YOU TOO?!”

“I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT~~~ OH LORD~~!”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHO SPIKED THE WINE?! NO ONE SHOULD BE THIS FUCKING DRUNK!”

But as everyone else was having fun, I did remember a question I should’ve asked Sebastian when he was answering everything honestly:

‘What was it that he wanted to acquire from the quack witch earlier?’

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