Chapter 312 - Fear
Chapter 312 – Fear
"Wherever you want to go, I will follow you. Be it to the ends of the earth or the edges of it, I will be right next to you. If it is not the home you want, then where?"
What was the precise moment that Lina realized what Kaden meant to her? When she picked up her blood stained dress, her body permeating gunpower, she walked down the hallway by herself.
Lina remembered how hollow her footsteps sounded without him. She had never felt more emptiness than in the castle. With each step away from him, her heart was stabbed by the sharpness of her heels.
Leaving Kaden meant never finding a home ever again. Lina lived in one of the largest penthouses in the city. Politicians tried to purchase her property, socialites attempted to curry favors with her, and real estate agents hounded her nonstop.
Lina purchased the biggest and most expensive penthouse she could find. The best house, the one that everyone fought for. They sold it to her without hesitation the second she showed up at the doorstep of the previous owner in the same wedding dress.
"Sir, Madam, we've arrived," the driver said after an engulfing silence.
This time, Lina thrusted out her credit card and paid for the fare. She refused to let him take the bill three times in a row. It was bragging rights that she couldn't tolerate.
Wordlessly, Lina stared at the place she once called home. When they split up, she didn't know what belonged to her. Or, what belonged to him. With a scowl, she set foot on the familiar pavement.
Suddenly, servants rushed out of the house, bright-eyed and eager. They froze at the sight of her. But like professionals, the servants bowed and loudly welcomed their Master home.
"Welcome—"
"Nevermind," Kaden curtly said, cutting them off.
Before he could continue, Lina was already wandering off the path leading her to their house. Instead of making her way to the entrance, she headed for the bushes, past the bodyguards, past the heavily armed patrol offices, and beelined straight to the garden.
Kaden followed after her, holding up a hand for the butler, Theodore. No one was to disturb or follow them.
Theodore bowed his head at the command and rushed everyone back inside the residence. He focused his eyes on the Madam, whose absence was noticed in every inch of the house. Initially, it was not, but with the passing days, the rooms grew chillier, and the place lacked color.
"What an ugly garden," Lina said the second she laid eyes on the barren flower bushes.
Kaden decided not to respond. He plucked out the petals of every single flower waiting for her to return. She would return. She would not return. He didn't know how it became a pastime for him. He only realized the habit when all the flowers were dead and the garden had wilted.
"Why are the petals falling?" Lina murmured, staring at the buds on the ground and the dried up petals.
Lina realized the garden was forcibly neglected. He was such a dramatic man, seriously. Even with the moon high in the sky, basking the garden in a beautiful light, the scenery was bleak.
"Would I be cruel to say it is all too late?" Lina whispered.
Lina hoped she could fill the void in her heart with all the luxury in the world. Money can't buy happiness, but it was much nicer to watch the rain from the window instead of feeling the downpour on the pavement. At least, that was what she believed. Money could buy comfort and with it, for many people,was happiness.
"You have always been cruel to me, dove." Kaden handled each of her sharp words with a bulletproof vest. He knew how to navigate past her harshness to see the pain. He knew what was truly bothering her.
"I do not want to love anymore," Lina said.
"If you're going to lie, do it straight to my face, not with your back turned."
Lina moved so that she could look him in the eye and lie to him properly.
"Turn back around," Kaden grumbled, shoving her shoulders to face the moon and not him. "Now tell me the truth."
"You deserve nothing."
"I deserve everything, dove. Including you."
"Greedy," Lina shot back.
"Give me a chance to explain," Kaden said, loosening his grip on her shoulders. He wanted to give her the freedom to dash out of the gates. He'd have a car prepared for her and he'd let her go anywhere she wanted. He'd just follow her like the stalker he was.
"Please," Kaden whispered. "Just this once."
With heavy reluctance, Lina forced herself to turn around again to hear the story.
"If you find something that upsets you, leave," Kaden said. "Leave as you wish. I won't stop you, but at least let me explain my side of the story."
Lina always prided herself on being fair. Those who jumped to conclusions without hearing the other side always made up their mind before the fight. She was a hypocrite in that aspect and she knew it.
Kaden took her silence as an agreement.
"In your second life," Kaden began. "When you began to have vivid dreams of heaven and saw the resemblance of people in the sky with the ones on earth, you lost your mind. You were sent to an asylum for pulling your hair out, rocking back and forth on the floor at odd hours, and screaming at every familiar face in disbelief."
Lina didn't remember that part of her second life. In fact, she didn't even know if the words he was telling her were the truth. Everyone was the protagonist of their life, everyone always believed their words over anothers.
"I was terrified, dove, that you'd put yourself through the same torture again. When you told me about the dream in our bed, it was the first time I wiped your memories. I wanted to protect you, to keep you sane, but I didn't take your feelings into consideration. I should've asked you first, I'm sorry," Kaden confessed.
Kaden walked closer to her, his voice in a soft whisper. "I'm so, so, sorry, dove."
Lina could see the tiny pieces of her shattered heart begin to slowly crawl their way towards each other. Kaden's confession made sense and should have offered Lina some sort of relief from her heartbreak, five years later, but she barely learned any satisfaction from it.
Kaden's eyes were an abyss of regret. The guilt was deep. She felt herself drowning within the melancholy of his actions. This was another decision that'd scar him for life. For his eternal life. Another action that he'd never, ever forget.
"So your fears caused me harm," Lina said, for it was how she interpreted it.
"Dove—"
"Fine," Lina admitted for once. "I want to be loved, but not fall in love. They're two different things."
"Dove—"
"Everything that falls breaks. I've already fallen for you once, received a broken heart in return, and now, I'm terrified of slipping through—"
"You won't break again. Not unless I catch you, you won't." Kaden took a step closer to her, but she abruptly spun around. He was instantly bewitched by her beauty.
"What sweet lies you tell me… it is another empty promise," Lina reminded him. "You were wrong earlier, Kaden. This isn't my home. You were once my home. My safety, my comfort. You were everything that made me feel protected."
Kaden's breath hitched. "Dove, I—" he couldn't finish his sentence. He didn't know what to say. For the first time in his life, he was utterly defeated and unable to speak.
Kaden didn't know he was such a thing to her.
"But your actions have terrified me. I'm afraid that no matter how many times you swear it to me, you will hurt me again. You will break my heart. You will wipe my memories. Who knows? Maybe you have tried to chase me many times, but each has failed, and you've wiped the memories for existence to try again and again!" Lina cried out.
"How can I trust you again?" Lina whispered just as a large gust of wind blew past them. Instantly, his warm coat fell from her shoulders. She shivered in the cold, but pushed onwards.
"How can I trust you, knowing you possess an ability to warp my perspective unnaturally?! I want to love you again, I really do. But I… I think…" Lina finally understood why she didn't want to see him all these years.
Lina finally came to a conclusion that'd hurt them both.
"I think I'm scared of you, Kaden.. And that fear can never go away."