Death… and me

Chapter 1126: Ling Hanwu — A Life of Struggle and Pain and A Life of Loneliness

Translator: Atlas Studios Editor: Atlas Studios

They didn’t know what it was that pulled them through but they actually made it to Ling Hanwu’s side!

Countless swords were aimed at them, but Ye Chuchen stepped forward courageously and faced them all.

“Do not get in our way, let us speak with him!” Ye Chuchen’s voice was wracked with sobs. Her body trembled as she spoke. A frenzied flame seemed to be burning violently in her eyes.

Her voice was determined and brooked no defiance, but there was an unusual sense of detachment in it too.

The kind that was reminiscent of a heart that had already turned as cold as dead ashes.

Ye Di’s sinister voice said lightly, “Let them!” He let out a small sigh. “On account of Ling Fengyun, I’ll let you say your last words to each other.”

Before he even finished, Meng Chaoran had already rushed over, gathering Ling Hanwu into his arms.

Ling Hanwu’s consciousness was already beginning to fade.

His pupils were also starting to dilate.

The strike of a third-grade Supreme Martial Artist was not something that a seventh-grade Martial Saint like him could withstand!

But the moment Meng Chaoran entered his vision, his eyes miraculously started to focus again. Anxiety filled his eyes and he bellowed, “Why are you bothering me? Leave!”

He was shouting with all his might!

But his voice was pitifully low.

“I’ll send you on your way first.” Meng Chaoran took deep breaths and let them out as gently as he could — for fear of alarming his brother, for fear that if he exhaled too forcefully, he would drive away the last semblance of life left in his brother. “I’ll send you off… Hanwu, today, we’ll all go together…”

In his anxiety, Ling Hanwu wanted to turn his head but to no avail. He could only swivel his eyes sluggishly as he censured him bitterly, “You goddamn idiot… What about Chuchen… What about Chuchen? If both of us die, what will she do? What will she do?!”

“I’ll accompany the two of you.” Ye Chuchen walked over with the lightest footsteps, kneeling down gently next to him. She said softly, “Big Brother Hanwu, let’s go together! The journey to the underworld is long and far, you will be lonely and scared if you go alone.”

“No! I’m not afraid!” Ling Hanwu was so panicky that he actually mustered the strength to raise his head. “Don’t die… Both of you… both of you must be happy! If both of you die… I will not rest in peace!”

Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and he glared at the night sky full of falling snow. He bellowed, “These damned heavens! I cannot rest in peace!”

Tears fell from Ye Chuchen’s eyes, landing one by one on Ling Hanwu’s cheeks.

Ling Hanwu’s eyes started to dilate again. His heart aching, he murmured, “What I’m afraid of the most is you crying…”

What he was afraid of the most was her crying…

He was afraid of her crying, that’s why he backed out of the relationship; he was afraid of her crying, that’s why he gave her his blessings. He was afraid of her crying, that’s why he covered up for his love rival’s escape; he was afraid of her crying, that’s why he secretly brought his love rival to meet with her clandestinely. He was afraid of her crying… that’s why he gave her his everything. He was afraid of her crying, that’s why he was alone for life. And it was still because he was afraid of her crying… that’s why he gave up his life…

But she still cried in the end…

“Chuchen… don’t cry…” Ling Hanwu’s eyes were unfocused as he whispered, “Big Brother Hanwu will give you… everything you want… so don’t cry…”

Hot tears streamed down Ye Chuchen’s cheeks.

Meng Chaoran gripped Ling Hanwu’s hand, his tears falling as he tried with all his might to transfer his internal energy into Ling Hanwu.

But he could slowly feel that Ling Hanwu’s body was starting to reject the internal energy!

His life force was about to disappear.

“Sigh…” Ling Hanwu grimaced in agony. “It hurts so much…”

Stormy gusts of wind brought along snowflakes, stinging his cheeks.

The biting cold finally gathered his dispersing consciousness. He stared blankly at the falling snow, a faint spark of gentleness in his eyes as he murmured, “I really wish I could… watch the snow with you…”

In his final moments, his last lingering thought was still that shattered dream of his…

Ye Chuchen clutched Ling Hanwu’s hands as she sobbed. “Big Brother Hanwu, I’ll watch the snow with you… Let’s watch the snow now…”

But Ling Hanwu could no longer hear what she was saying. Only his right hand suddenly grabbed hold of Meng Chaoran in a death grip. With the last of his breath, he uttered, “Take her… and leave… Live… live on…”

He started to gasp for air but to no avail. His eyes were wide as he said, “Geyin… Y-you owe me… You have to avenge me… with your own hands… You must… must…”

He gave one last shudder and with his eyes wide open, took his final breath.

His hand silently fell from Meng Chaoran’s and landed on the snow-covered ground.

His hand touched the icy snow.

His expression was pained and agonized, as if he was touching a pitiful and shattered dream…

“‘You have to avenge me with your own hands!’” Meng Chaoran closed his eyes in anguish.

Hanwu, even on the brink of death, you are still thinking so much for us!

You know that with my inadequate cultivation, how could I hope to avenge you with my own hands? To do that, I would have to cultivate for at least another few thousand years… This way, I would be able to live on for another few thousand years… And take care of Chuchu for another few thousand years…

That’s what you were thinking of, wasn’t it? Even in your death, you still gave me a goal, so that I may live on with a purpose…

But the situation now…

Warmth gradually seeped out of Ling Hanwu’s body, but it was as if Meng Chaoran could see a distinct figure in front of him.

Back then, that tall figure, in robes as white as snow and his long sleeves dancing in the air, was charismatic and handsome as he swung his sword and sang. The Ling Second Young Master who traversed the world on horseback… Back when he had sent him off on his journey away from the Upper Three Heavens, Ling Hanwu had said with a smile, “Take care!”

…

“Big Brother Hanwu!” Ye Chuchen cried out, suddenly throwing up a mouthful of blood.

Meng Chaoran remained on his knees, dazed, while his thoughts suddenly drifted far away.

Back then, they had shared times of joy and happiness. They were young and foolish together…

And they fell in love with Ye Chuchen together.

Then, everything changed.

It was Ling Hanwu who had saved his life and covered for him so that he could escape; it was Ling Hanwu who had taken care of everything so that he could escape the Upper Three Heavens. And it was Ling Hanwu who covertly gave him the chance to rendezvous with Chuchu… while he quietly hid at the side, his heart shattered into a million pieces.

Back then, when Meng Chaoran escaped the Upper Three Heavens, he had told Ling Hanwu, “Hanwu, I probably won’t be able to come back once I leave. You must take good care of Chuchu.”

He flew into a rage then. “F*ck you! If Chuchen’s heart was with me, I would marry her even if you didn’t say anything! But it isn’t, so what point is there in me marrying her? Do you intend to reduce me to someone who cannot even compare to an animal?!”

“Meng Geyin, if you are a man, then get stronger and come back for Chuchen! I already hate you to death, don’t let me look down on you!”

“I’ll say this first — After you are gone, if I can move Chuchen’s heart and let her fall in love with me again, don’t blame me for stealing your woman! But if her heart doesn’t change, then we’ll wait for you to come back for her!”

“If you don’t look for me when you return and lose your life suddenly, I’ll hate you for life! I’ll overturn your grave! And turn you into dust!”

“Meng Geyin, you and I have never been brothers! We are love rivals! It is impossible for us to ever reconcile! I hate you! I wish I could tear you into pieces!”

“But I’m still helping you!”

…

Meng Chaoran’s face was twisted in pain. Tears streamed down his cheeks into his mouth, leaving behind a bitter taste.

He remembered the time when he came back to the Upper Three Heavens and drank with Ling Hanwu. Ling Hanwu had a bitter smile as he drank. He had sighed at that time and said, “They say that women are fickle but once a woman gives her heart to someone, it will never change…”

“Women who have a change of heart is because their love is not deep enough.”

Every time they drank together, Ling Hanwu would say, “I really wish I could kill you! I really wish I could torture you to death! I really wish I could rip you into pieces… Can you die in the Lower Three Heavens? Why won’t you just die in the Lower Three Heavens? Why?”

But… each and every time, he would still help him.

He even said, “Should Chuchen really have a change of heart, she wouldn’t be as lovable anymore… but even so, that is still something I wish for with all my heart.”

“As long as Chuchen is willing to be with me, I am willing to use my whole life to chase her and shift her feelings toward me. But she isn’t.”

“You have never let me down. It’s I who have let you and Chuchen down! If not for me, your clan would not have been wiped out.”

But after saying that, he would defend himself. “To be honest, neither of us have let the other down. It’s just fate that is making fools out of us. Chuchen did not fall in love with the wrong man; it’s the Ye Clan that’s being bastards. It’s I who have fallen for someone whom I shouldn’t have and cannot extricate myself from.”

“But even being unable to extricate myself from it is also a kind of happiness. I know, even if you cannot see her, every time you think of Chuchen, your heart is filled with drive and happiness. But do you know? Every time I think of Chuchen, my heart hurts so much that I just want to stab myself.”

That time, Ling Hanwu had a bitter smile as he was drinking. “I wasn’t given a good name. Ling Hanwu, born in the arctic lands. Haha, dancing by his lonesome self in the freezing cold of the icy snow ¹ …”

“He who lives a life of struggle and a life of pain, he who lives a life of loneliness — Ling Hanwu; she whispers his name at dawn and dusk, but who would take pity on my heart which has turned to dust ¹ .”

This was a self-deprecating poem that Ling Hanwu had composed when he was drunk that day. In his drunken state, he mocked himself.

‘What a lucky fellow!’

That was what Ling Hanwu had always said about him.

He didn’t hide one bit of his intense jealousy and hatred toward Meng Chaoran.

At that time, I didn’t understand — My home was broken and my family dead. I wandered around by myself, escaping my enemies’ pursuit like a wretched dog. Which part of that was lucky? But I finally understood; compared to him, in a way, I was much more fortunate than him…

Because I had something to live for, but he didn’t.

He had loved for a lifetime and suffered for a lifetime. He was entrenched in hopelessness for a lifetime… and struggled for a lifetime!

Hanwu… Should we have another lifetime, I am willing to do the same for you!

You are worth me doing so!

Meng Chaoran slowly rose to his feet and took off his robe. Then, he laid it on the ground. He carefully lifted Ling Hanwu’s body in his arms and set him on top of the robe.

He meticulously did up the buttons, hiding Ling Hanwu’s bruised and battered chest and back. Then, he reached out his arm and closed Ling Hanwu’s eyes which were wide open, murmuring, “My brother… Rest well. I will be right after you… What I owe you in this life, I will repay you in the next!”

However, Ling Hanwu’s eyes remained open even when he tried to close his eyes! This happened a total of three times!

Ling Hanwu’s eyes bore into him furiously!

This pair of eyes that no longer had any life in them were glaring at him accusingly!

Meng Chaoran’s heart trembled fiercely. He remained in a stunned stupor for a while before he finally murmured, “You still wish for us to live on… is that it? Is that what it is?”

Grief-stricken, he said, “In that case, Hanwu, don’t worry… I will try my very best to live on with Chuchu. Live on… and cultivate with all my might, so that I can avenge you with my own hands… How does that sound? Will you rest in peace now?”

His hand covered Ling Hanwu’s eyes once more.

This time, like a miracle, Ling Hanwu’s eyes closed quietly.

His rigid face also seemed a lot more peaceful.

Do you really trust me that much?

Meng Chaoran’s heart felt like it was being torn apart at this moment!

Shattering into a million pieces!