Death… and me

1369 A Guilty Hear

“‘Do not underestimate your training in the material world…’”

Chu Yang murmured to himself, “‘As long as regret and guilt remain within your heart, you will never be able to reach the peak of the Great Tao’…”

All of a sudden, he let out a series of wry chuckles. “Elder Ning, I understand now. It is the strength of the heart that is true strength. When there are no openings in one’s heart, he is invincible. However, there are regrets and also guilt in my heart! What should I do?”

Ning Tianya looked at him in surprise. Then, he started to frown. “Do not think that I’m joking with you. This logic that sounds so simple, as if it’s something anyone can understand, is indeed the gateway to the Great Tao! It is only when you reach a certain level that you will truly understand… The things that hold the most truth in this world have actually been by one’s side since he was young. Growing up and becoming strong… is nothing other than turning the stories that one has heard when he was young into his own experiences, that’s all! But the logic remains the same, do you understand?”

“I didn’t think that you were joking! I also believe that what you’ve said is the gateway to the Great Tao, the Heaven’s Way!” Chu Yang continued sternly. “This is the true Path of Sentiment. I get it!”

Chu Yang of course understood. He had discussed the Path of Sentiment with the Sword Spirit more than once but no matter which session, it was never as thorough as what Ning Tianya was explaining to him right now!

The plainest and easiest to understand principle was usually the truest!

This saying was proven true once again here!

However, the simplest principle was also the hardest to achieve! This saying was also being proven true. Anyone could put their heart and mind into the way of martial arts but taking care of all these at the same time… was something extremely difficult for anyone to achieve.

Retaining the tranquility in one’s heart over the long passage of time was something incredibly difficult. This wasn’t just eight to ten years; neither was it one to two hundred years. Rather, this was a period of several thousand years, several tens of thousands of years…

“People always say that seeking immortality and challenging the pinnacle are things that go against the capabilities which the Heavens have bestowed upon humans and things that forcibly overcome those limitations. They are actions that go against Heaven’s will!” Taking a breath, Chu Yang went on. “I used to think that way too, clamoring about going against the Heavens and screaming about changing my destiny. But now, I am ashamed that I had once thought and acted this way!”

“There has never been anything such as ‘going along’ or ‘going against’ in this world. Whether you are going along or going against something, the Heavens remain right there, never once changing!”

“What changes is merely the hearts of people! When one’s heart is at peace, he is going along with the Heavens; when one’s heart is restless, then he is going against the Heavens!” Chu Yang stated slowly, “That’s all!”

Before this, Ning Tianya had been the one speaking and Chu Yang the one listening.

But when these words left Chu Yang’s mouth, Ning Tianya instead couldn’t help but straighten his back and listen quietly.

“‘What changes is merely the hearts of people!’”

This line of his moved Ning Tianya deeply and gave him much food for thought. He said, “Indeed, when your heart obeys, then you are going along with Heaven’s Way. When your heart rebels, then you are going against the Heavens. To be honest, whether or not you are going along with or going against the Heavens… Since when have these Heavens ever cared?”

“Yes!” Chu Yang said, “The Heavens are the Heavens! They have always been around and have never changed!”

Ning Tianya fell silent.

“Therefore, the moment Elder Ning explained it to me, I understood everything at once.” On this eighth level of the Pagoda Mountain, Chu Yang couldn’t get up. And so, he sat there just like that and bowed in respect to Ning Tianya. “Thank you very much!”

Ning Tianya accepted his bow with a serious expression. Then, he bowed similarly and replied sternly, “You’re welcome! ‘The Heavens are the Heavens; when have they ever cared about me?’ For this line, I thank you too!”

The two of them exchanged a smile.

There was a huge gap in their cultivation levels, their ages and their statuses.

Yet in this lesson, a sense of ‘mutual appreciation’ arose within them for some strange reason. This feeling was as if the two of them were… old friends who stood at the same level.

Ning Tianya said, “However, I still don’t really understand what you had said earlier. When did you ever harbor these regrets and guilt?”

Frowning, he went on. “Do you know, I’ve seen so many heroes and great men and yet over these tens of thousands of years, you’re the only one I’ve found who is able to possess a fulfilled inner mind and able to be a good ‘person’ and ascend to the Nine Heavens Imperial Court! And step onto the path of the Great Tao!”

“Even though you led a wandering life outside since you were young, ever since you returned to your origin and acknowledged your ancestors, this complex of yours has been resolved. You are filial toward your parents, loving toward your family, and devoted toward your brothers. You’ve already done the best that a man can do, so why would you still harbor regrets and guilt?”

Ning Tianya went on. “That shouldn’t be the case.”

Chu Yang gave him a wry smile. “But what about women? Toward my female confidantes?”

Ning Tianya was astounded. “You mean?”

Chu Yang took a long breath of air. “Elder Ning, you’re the only one here today, so I’ll open up and speak honestly with you.”

Ning Tianya replied seriously, “Go ahead.”

Frowning, Chu Yang contemplated for a long time before he said, “Elder Ning, there’s a kind of fate[1] called the past life fate. Do you believe in it? Meaning that when you see a certain woman again, you would, for some strange reason, believe firmly that this woman was your wife in your past life. I don’t know if you can understand… that kind of feeling…”

Unable to come clean with the secret of his rebirth, perhaps this was the only way he could explain it… Chu Yang sighed inwardly.

Smiling, Ning Tianya replied, “What’s so hard to understand about that? Even though regular mortals do not agree with the theory of souls, when one reaches a level such as ours, we can ascertain that the theory is true. Since there is that feeling, then that shows that you are right.”

Chu Yang nodded slowly. “Yes. Since Elder Ning understands, then that makes it much easier for me to explain. Back then, I was in the Lower Three Heavens. I was leading the Butian Pavilion and battling the Golden Horse Rider Department… At that time, I was seventeen and a half years old!”

“It was on that one day that I first met Mo Qingwu! At that time, she wasn’t even eleven years old.”

“After that, I had a kind of feeling as if everything was meant to be, as though Little Wu is the woman whom I have always dreamed of!” Other than the secret of his rebirth, this was the first time Chu Yang had ever bared his true feelings in front of another person without holding back.

Ning Tianya mused over this. He didn’t say anything but only nodded.

“At that time, I thought that when she grows up, I would marry her.” Chu Yang said straightforwardly, “In this life, she’s the only one I love. I will never fall in love with another woman! And in truth, I have also achieved it. I’ve never accepted any other woman until the great war ended.”

“But things didn’t develop the way I had imagined. That’s what I had thought, and that was what I did. However, there are always unexpected accidents.”

With a wry smile, Chu Yang told him about Wu Qianqian and Tie Butian.

“Elder Ning, you have no idea how troubled I am over this.” Chu Yang took a breath. “I also know that in this world, having multiple wives and consorts is a norm. But the problem is that I wish to give Qingwu something whole, yet I can’t.”

“Toward Butian, I can’t let go either. Toward Qianqian, I can’t let go now too.”

Chu Yang went on. “Now, whenever I face Mo Qingwu, I feel like I’ve let her down and also let down the other two. When facing the other two, I feel the same way too.”

“This is guilt and probably regret too.”

Chu Yang said in a low voice, “I’ve once thought about what I should have done… if I could do this all over again? But after thinking about it, I realized that I would still be in a spot!”

“Furthermore, this sense of guilt will carry on… Even I myself do not know how I can resolve this.”

“This is your so-called regret and guilt?” Ning Tianya’s eyes widened somewhat incredulously.

“Yes!” Chu Yang nodded dejectedly. “I remember clearly that my original intention was that Qingwu was the only one I wanted. But now, no matter who you tell me to give up, I cannot bear to part with any of them.”

“And so, I started to become conflicted.”

Chu Yang gave him a troubled smile. “Elder Ning, do you think I’m very shameless? Very… as though I’ve led the life of a whore and yet expect a monument to my chastity, but no matter how I want to erect the monument, I can’t get it done. And yet I ultimately am still thinking about erecting one… Uhh, something like that?”

Ning Tianya stared at him rather astounded, before he finally couldn’t hold it back anymore and burst into deafening laughter. “Hahahaha… I can’t believe it’s about something like this… This is serious and truly weird… I just can’t understand… Why would you be troubled to this extent over this aspect?”

Ning Tianya laughed extremely carefreely.

Chu Yang became mildly angered. “Is it that funny?”

“It is!” Ning Tianya held his stomach, tears almost coming out of his eyes from laughter.

After a long while, he finally wiped his eyes and said, “Let’s put it this way… Looking from the perspective of the general trend of the world… I remember that several years ago, the Dharma Supreme once took count of the population of the Nine Heavens. Right now, the total population of the Nine Heavens is approximately 35 billion people! Out of this number, more than 27 billion people are women.”

Chu Yang was startled. “Huh?”

“Corpses being abandoned in the wild, revenge-killing in the martial world and large-scale wars are mostly centered around men! On average, within the blink of an eye, there are tens of thousands of men dying! Dying under swords and sabers!”

“The Middle Three Heavens and Upper Three Heavens fare slightly better in terms of this; the Lower Three Heavens are the worst!”

“May I ask Young Master Chu, if these eight billion men think the same way as you and only take one wife each… then what are the rest of these 15 billion women supposed to do? Are they all supposed to stay single?”

A troubled Chu Yang replied, “These are two different matters!”

“Alright, let’s not talk about this from the perspective of the general trend of the world and from the psyche of a man instead — Men are exactly like this! This is a common problem among men. Liking a few people at the same time is really very normal.”

Ning Tianya went on. “However, from your point of view, that’s something different altogether. Let’s put that aside for now.”

Smiling, he said, “A man’s heart cannot be divided. But what he is able to do is that when he is with one person, he treats and cares for her with all his heart and soul… And when he’s with another, he also cares for her with all his heart and soul…”

“No, no, no… I can’t do that!” Chu Yang shook his head.

He really couldn’t.

Chu Yang had put that into action before. When he was with Tie Butian, he had tried his hardest to keep Mo Qingwu out of his mind. But there were always times when he would suddenly think of her and then, his heart would hurt as though it had been pricked.

“Hahaha…” This time around, Ning Tianya really laughed so hard that tears were spilling from his eyes.

“Alright, I won’t poke fun at you anymore… I’ll speak the truth with you…” Holding his stomach, Ning Tianya said with much difficulty.

Chu Yang glanced at him, somewhat aggrieved and somewhat infuriated. He tried his best to keep the feeling of his fists itching under control — He really wanted to give this old guy’s guffawing face a good solid punch.

“To think you even came up with the talk about your past life’s fate…” Ning Tianya continued to laugh with much difficulty. “Some time back, when Lord Xue came down, he came to look for me first, then he said he was going to intercept you.”

Chu Yang was dumbstruck instantly. He stared blankly at him, completely stupefied.

Lord Xue? Xue Leihan?

[1] Here, he specifically refers to one’s fate in terms of marriage