Death… and me

"I feel like taking off my pants to let you compare!" Chu Yang was eagerly waiting to see the reactions on their faces when they’d finally figure out the joke and burst into laughter thereafter. He was looking forward to that expression on their faces. However, he only got to see a bewildered expression on their faces, and a doubtful look in their eyes.

Minister Chu’s excitement finally broke down. He couldn’t bear anymore. He shouted in a loud voice… in utter desperation, "Can’t you see that this thing resembles the ‘thing’… in our crotch?"

Minister Chu literally blew his top. He had never known himself to get so frustrated after cracking a joke!

[These three people have no sense of humor…]

Minister Chu’s frustration wasn’t without a reason. After all, his efforts in building-up this joke had gone down the drain. However, he was completely unaware that he had said something which had misled the others — ‘all of us have it!’

This small sentence had messed it all up!

He had said that they all have ‘it’… but, the problem was that they all didn’t have the ‘thing’ he had hinted at… they really didn’t have ‘it’! But, perhaps they might’ve guessed it if he hadn’t said it, and had continued further with his joke…?

Therefore, Minister Chu couldn’t help but blow his top, and eventually had to explain the joke in short. But, he had roared out the last sentence in a very depressed manner.

He noticed that those three had finally understood his joke after he said these words — including the ones who hadn’t understood it earlier. One individual had been holding back his laughter all this while. He finally clutched his belly, and broke into a wild laughter.

His reaction could be considered as ‘laughing one’s a*s out’; [you’re killing me…]

The other two looked at Chu Yang angrily. It seemed from their stances that they were about to charge forward and beat him up!

Minister Chu finally saw that someone had understood his joke, and had also started to laugh. However, the other two were glaring at him with ice-cold eyes for some reason. In fact, the angry glares he was receiving from them… was enough to chop him into a thousand pieces…!

Minister Chu felt a chill running down his spine. He was about to burst into laughter, but he held it back in his belly. He smiled in embarrassment, and touched his nose. Then, he scratched his head and asked, "What’s wrong? Wasn’t it funny?"

"Funny!" Tie Bu Tian clenched his teeth as he tried his best to stop himself from flaring up. However, his rage exploded as he replied, "Funny, my a*s! It was so vulgar… so dirty… so… you had the guts to declare it from your mouth… and that too so triumphantly… you’re… you’re extremely shameless!"

The other shadow didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She gazed at Chu Yang, and felt like beating the sh*t out of him.

"Eh…" Chu Yang was stunned. [This joke should’ve been fine among men… I don’t know how this joke has suddenly backfired?]

[This is very shocking!]

[Could it be that the Emperor’s men aren’t the same as ordinary men? Can’t they even laugh at such a joke?]

"Why don’t you just tell that backstory?" Tie Bu Tian angrily said. He seemed rather impatient to change the topic. This joke was embarrassing as hell. In fact, Tie Bu Tian’s face that already turned red.

[To speak such a vulgar thing in front of me is simply outrageous! Hateful! This bastard!]

"I… can’t say," Chu Yang lowered his head and replied in a worn-out voice. He spoke in his heart, [a simple joke has triggered such a violent reaction… won’t I get chopped into pieces at the end of this backstory?]

"It’s alright. Just say it," The male shadow encouraged him. It was clearly visible in his eyes that he was taking pleasure in another’s misfortune.

"Go ahead and say it." Tie Bu Tian had a cold expression on his face. However, one could also see that he was strongly suppressing a hint of smile in his eyes. [It’s so embarrassing that I can’t even smile… This bastard!]

"Ok… So, here it goes — they say that there was once a man… he was good looking. And, he was also very rich. But, he could never find a wife for himself. He lived for more than 80 years. But, he still couldn’t find a wife, and died in the end," Chu Yang said this, and quickly stole a glance to see everyone’s reactions.

He felt relieved since he saw no major change in their expressions. So, he boldly continued, "…then, he reincarnated. He once again grew up to become handsome, cool and very rich. He again lived for more than 80 years, but still couldn’t find a wife… and ultimately died single…"

The three people were shocked when they heard this. [This… what kind of a backstory is this?]

"What relation does this story have with this mountain peak?" Tie Bu Tian raised his eyebrow and asked. He genuinely didn’t understand the point of such an absurd story…

"Don’t be hasty. Just keep listening, and you’ll find out…" Chu Yang replied comfortingly, " …he continued to reincarnate thereafter. In fact, he reincarnated for a total of nine times! When he was on the verge of death in his ninth life — he recalled that he had remained a bachelor for nine lives! This ‘virgin of nine lives’ finally erupted like a volcano…"

Chu Yang spoke with grief… and with a similarly ‘grieving’ look on his face, "So, he made his final wish before he died. He said — there are males for females, and females for males in this world. The Yin and Yang join together to breed and create myriads of things! This is the principle of Yin and Yang. Why am I the only one who has stayed single for nine lives? Is this the heaven’s way to tease me?! Where’s the justice in it? How’s this fair? Where’s the human sympathy? Where’s the heaven’s law? Where’s the nature’s justice…?!"

Chu Yang’s modulating tone and manner of speech added a feeling to the story. The other three couldn’t help but be attracted to this story. They thought that the heaven was at fault to not create a predestined marriage for this man. Even a youthful and good-looking man was made to stay single for nine consecutive lives as a result. Even the thought of this tragedy would make anyone sigh again and again. There was no other explanation to this… one could only call it the Heaven’s injustice…

Tie Bu Tian thought of this in particular. He couldn’t help but sigh. He said in his heart, [Is it the heaven’s fault that there’s no marriage written in my destiny? I wasn’t supposed to meet him… but I did. We could’ve been together… but I’m bound to a life of solitude for various reasons… there’s not much difference between my story and this man’s…]

Tie Bu Tian couldn’t help but sigh. He then asked, "So… what wish did he make in the end? Did he ask for three wives and four concubines?" Tie Bu Tian guessed at this since he believed that a common man would harbor such a desire… especially if he were to spend nine lives as a bachelor.

"No." Chu Yang smiled strangely, and continued to narrate, " …he faced towards the sky, and shouted loudly. He said — what’s the use of this heaven if I can’t find a partner? What’s the point of taking another rebirth? Everyone marries and mates in this world. They allow their Yin and Yang elements to complement each other, but the heaven is unfair to me. I can’t take this anymore. This is unbearable! I couldn’t join with someone in this life… but, I wish to join with the heaven when my body dies!"

Tie Bu Tian uttered an ‘ah’. Then, he turned silent. He was stopped by the sudden surge of shame in his heart. He felt a strong regret in his heart; [It’s better that I don’t say anything. It doesn’t matter whether this guy’s story is good or not… it’s definitely embarrassing to death…]

Chu Yang was overjoyed. He shrugged his shoulder and said as he smiled, " …he took off his clothes after he was done making the wish. And then, he lay down on his back with his legs spread out, and died! His grievances rushed upwards, and impacted the ninth heaven. Suddenly, the thunders rolled, and the lightning flashed in the sky. Then, his body suddenly underwent an incredible mutation!"

Tie Bu Tian felt like asking… [What mutation?] But, he decided to hold back for now. [I know that this guy is incapable of saying nice things. As the saying goes… no good words are to be expected from a scoundrel…]

" …The mutation caused his body to transform into a great mountain. His arms turned into canyons, his blood turned into rivers… and his hair transformed into flowers, plants and trees… he basically turned into a towering mountain! And, the ‘thing’ in his crotch excitedly stood tall and upright. It became the tallest peak on his mountain. It charged into the sky to penetrate it… in accordance to his death-wish! It was as if the sky was… one big hole!"

The other three heard this… and felt as if they had been struck by a lightning. They were stunned. They looked like silly ducks. They blankly stared in a daze as their bodies covered in cold sweat…

[This backstory is really… it is really… something that can’t be narrated…]

"That’s why the peak before us is called the ‘Chun Yang Peak!’" Minister Chu finally dropped the curtain on this story. He smacked his lips again and again as he looked at that cylindrical and smooth ‘upright stone’. But, he looked like he had something more to say. So, he said, "This mountain peak has another name. We all are more familiar with this name. Moreover, this other name even depicts the very image of the…"

"Don’t say it! Don’t say it!" Tie Bu Tian cried out loud. His face turned from white to red… from red to blue… and, from blue to black. He was so angry that it seemed like his belly would explode.

He remembered how he had felt a moment ago. He had felt that something like this had happened to him as well. He had even felt sorry for himself in the secrecy of his heart… and, those feelings and emotions had come from such a ‘backstory’?! He couldn’t help but be ashamed of himself. One could’ve clearly seen the look of pure rage on his face if the magical jade pendant hadn’t concealed it. He looked at Chu Yang, and got even more furious, [my anger won’t calm down until I beat him up!]

Tie Bu Tian firmly stared at Chu Yang, and clenched his teeth to control his anger. He somehow uttered these words, "Minister… Chu! You are very… knowledgeable!"

"You’re flattering me haha…" A smile had long been present on Chu Yang’s face like a blossom. His entire body trembled like a small plant that was swaying in the wind as he laughed uncontrollably, "Wa ha ha ha… ha ha… he he…"

Tie Bu Tian was fuming on the other side…

It was alright if this joke was told to a man… in fact, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But, the problem was … the problem was…

Minister Chu was in big trouble!

He was laughing, and his whole body was rocking back and forth as if he was having cramps. Tie Bu Tian and the female shadow attacked him, and pinned him down. Minister Chu was so pleased that he had lost his sense of measure, and thus… was caught off guard. He was unable to dodge, and was captured in one neat move.

And then, a rain of fists poured down!

Bang Bang Bang Bam Bam Bam

Poor Minister Chu didn’t know where this disaster came from. He hadn’t even stopped laughing when he suddenly started to take a severe beating… he came to his senses after a long time, and furiously asked, "What is this? Why are you doing this…?"

The two women refrained from giving him a reply. They just continued to beat him mercilessly. And, Minister Chu continued to scream endlessly…

A long while passed… the two women eventually got tired of beating him. So, they finally stopped and let go of him. Minister Chu jumped to get up. His body ached all over. He got agitated, and angrily asked, "Why would you beat me up all of a sudden?! Is this the law of the land?!"

"I’m the law of the land!" Tie Bu Tian snorted with pride. He rubbed his wrist. It was sore from excessive punching. However, his pent-up anger still hadn’t subsided…

The two shadows couldn’t help but smile as he stated this sentence! [Which law of the state are you talking about? The Emperor is standing right here!]

Someone else would be called ‘an ignorant who doesn’t know the immensity of heaven and earth’ if they were to speak this sentence. However, who could refute if the Emperor were to say that he was the law of the state…?

Chu Yang’s eyes looked bland. He realized that he didn’t stand a chance against these people. So, he replied in a defeated manner, "I admit that I took a beating… but… at least give me a reason…"