Chapter 40 - How To Use A Chamber Pot
Yuan Ge took out a pair of slippers from the shoe cupboard and handed them to Rong Qiuchen, then he noticed that Rong Qiuchen was still wearing the shoes he had taken out of the props room, without even a pair of socks on! How awful it must have been for him in this cold weather!
Rong Qiuchen stood in the doorway, looking abashed and ill at ease. He dared not move an inch as he surveyed the layout and furnishings of the room. Yuan Ge sighed, helped him take off his jacket and ushered him inside, explaining, "This flat is very well heated, so it's comfortable enough to wear just a T-shirt. Why don't you take a shower first and I'll find some clean clothes for you to change into."
"Childe Yuan ... I ...."
He looked flustered and unsure of what to do. Yuan Ge noticed that his legs were trembling slightly and he looked more uncomfortable than before, so he asked, "What's the matter? Is something wrong?"
"Childe Yuan, may i asketh whither the cubiculo pot is in thy house? i … has't teen in mine own stomach … urgently needeth to useth the cubiculo pot…"[1]
"The chamber pot?" Yuan Ge almost laughed out loud at his words and pointed to the bathroom door, "It's over there!"
Rong Qiuchen looked embarrassed and rushed into the bathroom and closed the door. Yuan Ge finally laughed out loud in a very ungenerous manner. This guy, in such a hurry to go to the toilet, almost crying out, and still not giving up saying the lines in the script! His perseverance was admirable. Perhaps the congee was not agreeable to him, or perhaps the jar of pickles in Chow's Congee had passed its use-by date.
After briefly tidying up the living room and finding some clean clothes for the boy, Yuan Ge still didn't see him come out of the bathroom.
"Hey, have you fallen into the toilet?" Yuan Ge called out from outside, but didn't think much of it as he took ingredients out of the fridge and started to prepare dinner for the two of them.
However, after he had made the Italian salad, cooked the bolognese sauce and the spaghetti was almost ready to be served, Rong Qiuchen still did not come out of the bathroom. Yuan Ge went over and called him a few times from outside, but there was no response. Then he knocked on the door, but still no one answered.
What's happening? Did he faint again? Remembering his ashen white face every time he fainted before, Yuan Ge suddenly became a little worried. He pushed the bathroom door and found that it was not locked, so he pushed it open and walked right in.
"You! What are you doing?" Yuan Ge shouted angrily. He was shocked by what he saw.
Rong Qiuchen was kneeling on the floor, holding the toilet, his whole body firing and trying to pull the toilet bowl off the floor.
"Childe yuan, wherefore is this cubiculo pot impossible to moveth? i wanteth to exsufflicate t. "[2]
"No! Stop it! Stop it right now!" Yuan Ge shouted while waving the spatula in his hand, "If you dare to dismantle my toilet, I'll beat you up hard!"
"But … it's filthy … I … I must clean up … myself."
"Oh man! Just push this button and the toilet will flush itself. How long are you going to carry on this game!" Yuan Ge glanced at the toilet, but couldn't see anything unsightly, as the inside of the toilet was completely covered with a large amount of toilet paper. To demonstrate the toilet's self-cleaning function, he pushed the flush button.
However, upon seeing the instantly rising water level and the almost non-existent whirlpool, his heart sank and he almost kicked himself in regret, but it was all too late!
"I'm going to put you in a mental hospital!"
Yuan Ge pushed the flush button several times before finally giving up in frustration and accepting the fact that the toilet was now blocked.
"Why did you use so much toilet paper!" Yuan Ge put down his spatula and took off his apron, feeling on the verge of losing his temper.
"To cover up … Shameful …" Rong Qiuchen's expression at this moment was indescribably complex, with apologies, shame, embarrassment and regret … But whatever that expression was, it was so mesmerising that it was impossible for anyone to get angry at.
"Ahhhhh!" From the bathroom came Yuan Ge's frustrated cries.
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[1] Sir, may I ask where the chamber pot is in your house? I … have pain in my stomach … urgently need to use the chamber pot …
[2] "Childe Yuan, why is this chamber pot impossible to move? I want to empty it."