Dysfunctional – An Assassin’s Guide to Reincarnating in Another World

Chapter 185 – 184 – High King’s Game(Part 1)

“So, uh…what’s with the crowd?” I inquired with a sigh.

There’s too many people here…

“Hey, don’t be like that, we’re all friends here!” Exclaimed Rai, patting me on the shoulder.

“To repeat after Kuro…what’s the crowd?” Groaned Az, looking around with a look of dismay.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting this many people either,” Frowned Persia, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

She had cut her hair since she found the long length too difficult to maintain after she gained Vampire powers. Her hair was now about shoulder-length, and I had to say, I might actually prefer this…the waist-length long hair was nice, but this look was pretty damn cute too.

“You three need to be more social,” Sighed Key in exasperation, pushing us into the cove.

Today was the 25th of July, a couple of weeks later. The five of us had planned to meet at the weed haven to kick back and relax, but as we arrived, we found out that Rai had called over a few others, who were all already here. Namely, Ekai, Fuo, Siert, Selesa, Les, Rion, Rex, Azeria, Gela and…Misen.

“Why’d you call Ragiu, of all people!? And the Retribution Tier leftovers too?” I whispered at Rai sharply, as we approached them.

To be honest, I didn’t particularly like or dislike those three, but to be fair, they were our enemies till just recently…

“Well, uh…he’s not so bad these days. And, as for those three…they’re actually pretty nice once you get to know them. Though, I did call Einn, but he refused since they were coming too.”

Duh, these three had been involved and complicit in the destruction of his home nation. I didn’t reply since we were close enough that they’d hear us even if we whispered now, instead letting out a quiet sigh. I don’t like crowds, I just can’t relax when there’s too many people around. Despite everything that had happened since coming to this world, I was still an introvert at my very core. I can handle crowds better now, sure, but I still prefer a small group when I want to chill.

“Yo, Kuro, what up, dude!? Let’s get this orgy started!” Exclaimed Selesa with a grin, waving as we walked over.

By this point, everyone had gotten used to the way she spoke, so no one batted an eye, it was nothing out of the norm as far as she’s concerned…which is just…wow.

“She just doesn’t change, does she?” Remarked Persia with a wistful expression.

“Hey, personally, I think it’s funny!” Grinned Rai, before walking over and talking to some of the others…tch, fuck you, you natural extrovert.

“I should talk to him about his sense of humor,” Muttered Key with a worried frown.

“You know what, I don’t care anymore, let’s just hurry up and get high,” Yawned Az, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, huh?” I inquired slyly.

“Hey, you promised you wouldn’t tell anyone!” He mumbled in response.

He’d been visiting Elina often lately, and not just to work on spells, if you know what I mean…ever since that one time, I made sure to knock before entering her place, I definitely didn’t need to see that again.

“Regarding getting high…,” I stated, looking around with furrowed brows, “Passing around a J in a circle this big is gonna be a pain. Oh, I got it! Az, could you…”

I gave him a suggestion for an idea I just got, before looking at him expectantly after explaining it to him.

“Hm…sounds like a bit of work…but it does sound nice, so…okay, I’ll do it.”

I then got everyone’s attention with a loud clap, before instructing them to gather up in a single spot…after they did, Az formed a large, airtight dome of ice around all of us.

“So, uh…what’s this about?” Inquired Rex, tapping on the ice curiously.

“Simple, it’s to make sure that we all get high simultaneously. This thing is airtight, so if we burn up some buds…,” I explained, trailing off as most of the others understood what I was getting at.

By now, every single person here had gotten high on weed before, and almost exclusively thanks to me with almost all of them, except for the former Retribution Tier members.

“A hotbox!” Exclaimed Rai, his eyes lighting up, “No, wait…since it’s made of ice, should we call it a coldbox?”

“Doesn’t matter…just don’t yell, you’re using up the oxygen in here,” I remarked, as I took out and tore up some buds, before forming a bowl of earth from the ground below me and tossing the shredded buds into it and lighting them up with an ember of flames.

“Uh…are you sure we won’t suffocate?” Inquired Fuo skeptically.

“Nah, we should be fine, we can just open up the dome when the air starts running low. Right, Az?”

“Yeah, sure, no problem,” He replied with a stifled yawn.

“Hey, won’t this thing melt? It’s the middle of the afternoon,” Asked Azeria, looking uncertain.

“I’ve made it so that it won’t melt for a while, and when it does start to melt, it’s an easy enough fix,” Shrugged Az in reply.

The smoke was rapidly filling the dome, and everyone soon stopped talking. I lit up another batch of buds after a while, and Az opened up the top of the dome to let in some air.

“Yooo, this is more effective than I thought it’d be,” Said Rion with a content sigh, taking a deep breath with a grin, his eyes really red.

“I know right, coldbox for the win!” Declared Rai with a laugh, throwing his arms up giddily, almost falling over as he did, responding by laughing again.

The three former Retribution Tier members had slowly gotten more and more acquainted with the Adventurers here, and while there had been a sense of apprehension and caution at first, they had all more or less settled in. It helped that Rion and Rex were both extroverts who could talk to strangers as if they’d known them for years, and as for Azeria…well, she’s a cute girl with a fluffy fox tail whose personality wasn’t unpleasant, so…you do the math.

There were still some who were against them being here, mainly former Goldway citizens that had escaped here. Internal conflict was something we wanted to avoid though, so we subtly sent out most of those that were voicing opposition to the the second base we’d set up in the location where Goldway used to be. Oh, that area was now named the Goldlands, a combination of Goldway and the Rustlands.

Well, anyway, back to the present. Rai suddenly sat up unsteadily and made a suggestion…

“Hey, guys, let’s play the king’s game!”

“Ooh, I’m in!” Exclaimed Rion enthusiastically.

“Me too! The orders are, like…absolute, right?” Chimed in Selesa with a lewd glint in her red-tinted eyes.

“What is the king’s game?” Inquired Ekai curiously…at least, I think he was curious, it was hard to tell since his eyes were already narrowed from being stoned.

Rai explained how the game worked, and though his explanation was a bit all over the place and he seemed to blank out a couple of times and forget what he was talking about, he eventually managed to convey the gist of it, for the most part.

“Ah, this sounds like fun. I have seen this game played in some of the anime I have watched in your old memories,” Remarked Lazarus, sounding intrigued.

Yeah, since he had nothing to do in my body, I suggested to him to check out the digital entertainment in my memories…and now, he was kinda addicted now. And that’s how I turned the Vampire King into an otaku.

“Will we even be able to play a game like that with a group of this size? Some people are bound to get left out,” I pointed out objectively…a game like this could spell disaster depending on the commands that are issued.

“I’ve already thought about that! We’ll make it so that one person won’t become the king twice. I brought a couple of sheets of paper for this. We’ll tear up and fold numbered scraps of paper as well a scrap with ‘king’ written on it, and in the subsequent round when we shuffle the scraps again, we’ll exclude one numbered scrap at random before re-folding and adding the king scrap into whatever we use to shuffle the folded scraps. The excluded scrap will go to whoever was the king in round one. And in the third round, we’ll exclude two random scraps before adding the king scrap into the mix, and the two excluded scraps will be shuffled between the two previous kings, and so on! Uh…did I explain that properly? I can’t remember anything that I just said…”

Idiot…but that was a good explanation, I got what he meant, and it was a pretty smart way to ensure than everyone gets to have a turn at being king…but since there were so many of us, this was going to be one long-ass game…also, the fact that he brought paper meant that he’d planned this out ahead of time…on that note…

“So, how many scraps is that in total?” Inquired Les with a hint of laziness in his tone, voicing my thoughts…how many people were here right now.

“Oh, right…let’s get to counting!” Declared Rai, before starting to count…

.

.

.

.

.

It took us way, way longer than it should have to finish counting the exact number of us in here. Rai kept miscounting or losing count in the middle of counting, until Misen snapped and volunteered to count instead…yeah, he didn’t do much better. Things carried on like that for a while, that’s when I decided that enough was enough and used my Healing Factor to sober myself up and I did the counting myself…there were fifteen of us in total.

“Wait, are you sure? I only count fourteen,” Remarked Rai with his brows furrowed, standing up unsteadily and counting again, “Yeah, it’s fourteen.”

I immediately spotted his mistake…

“…I’m pretty sure that’s because you forgot to count yourself.”

“Huh…ohh, right, so that’s it! Okay then…fourteen-…no, wait, fifteen scraps of paper coming up!” He exclaimed, before taking out a couple of folded sheets of paper from his pocket and unfolding them.

As he began tearing them up evenly and numbering them one by one…

“Hey, make sure to only number upto fourteen. According to the rules you explained, the fifteenth scrap will need to be the one labeled ‘king’, right?” Pointed out Key.

She’s usually pretty out of it when she gets high, guess her tolerance was higher now.

“Oh, you’re totally right…you’re so smart and stuff, babe!”

“Sh-shut up, you idiot!”

Eventually, we finally got the game started, with two rules in place, the first was that if a person refused the king’s command, it would be put to a vote, and if the majority voted that the command was too much, the king would have to issue a different command instead. The second was that each command could only involve a maximum of three people. I used Earth Magic to make a bowl in which to shuffle the folded scraps in, and the person to draw the ‘king’ scrap in round one was possibly the worst one we’d have all game…Selesa. I drew the scrap labeled ‘5’.

“Woohoo, I’m the king! Okay let’s see, gotta make it a good one…hmm, but I have to be careful not to pick something that everyone will vote against…,” She muttered to herself with a frown, while absent-mindedly plucking the grass on the ground, “Ahhh, fine, in that case, I’ll just go with a classic! Number six and number nine have to make out!”

…she definitely picked six and nine because sixty-nine…I can’t criticize that, in fact…nice.

“Um…I’m number six,” Persia showed her scrap awkwardly.

…hell no. I ain’t letting this happen, even if I have to kill someon-.

“I got number nine,” Chimed in Fuo, holding up her scrap.

…huh, on second thought, never mind. If it’s girl-on-girl, then I have no reason to protest. But I should act at least a little bit apprehensive.

“I’d say that’s just about pushing the limits, but barely safe…it’s upto you two whether you want to refuse or accept it though,” I remarked in an even tone.

“Well…I guess if you’re okay with it, then I don’t mind kissing a girl,” Replied Persia after thinking it over.

Fuo had no objections either. They both moved close towards each other and slowly leaned in, when suddenly…

“Oh, wait, I should specify what qualifies as making out!” Blurted Selesa, a pervy smirk on her flushed and stoned face, her breathing slightly heavy, “It’s gotta last for at least ten seconds, and there has to be tongue! Ooh, and-!”

“Now you’re getting too carried away. Down, girl,” Intervened Les, smacking the back of her head.

Every once in a while, he’d treat her like a dog, it was a little weird, but I think it’s fair to say that she drove him to that point.

Anyway, getting back to the game…Persia and Fuo started kissing, their lips caressing each other before their tongues brushed against each other and intertwined…and then they pulled away, Fuo’s face slightly red. Persia looked pretty unfazed though.

Huh, suddenly, there was a slight air of awkwardness around us…well, there were ten guys here and only four girls, so that wasn’t exactly surprising. I decided to make a suggestion.

“New rule…the same order can’t be given twice.”

My suggestion was met with an almost unanimous agreement, the sole voice of genuine opposition being Selesa.

“Well, uh, so like…that happened. Okay, moving on, time for round two!” Rai exclaimed, breaking the awkward silence, “Alright, everyone except Selesa, re-fold your scraps and place them back in the bowl. Selesa, then you’ll pick a scrap, after which you’ll re-fold the king scrap and put it in the bowl.”

Hm, everyone’s doing it properly…looks like they’re starting to sober up. Time for another round of smoke…

After I lit up a few more buds and filled the ice dome with smoke, the second round began, and the person who picked the king scrap was…

“Um…I-I’m the king. B-but I understand i-if I don’t deserve it and someone else should take it inst-,” Stuttered Siert nervously.

Huh, he’d been silent this whole time so I kinda forgot that he was even here. Oh, looks like I picked number ten this time.

“You need to relax and just give out an order,” Sighed Misen, giving him a slight push.

I’ve noticed this for a while, Misen may be a major douchebag, but he’s usually pretty encouraging and patient towards Siert…well, to be fair, you’d have to be pretty damn cold-blooded to pick on someone like him.

“B-but, what if…what if I-I give a bad order?”

“Don’t overthink it, just say whatever comes to mind,” Encouraged Ekai, patting his shoulder.

“O-okay, uh…n-number four sits on number ten’s lap for a minute? I-I don’t know, i-is that okay? N-no, I bet it’s not…I-I’m sorry, I’ll leave-.”

“It’s a perfectly fine order, chill out, man!” Interrupted Rai, “Just a take breath, get some THC into your lungs, and chiiiiillllll! Alright, come on, four, go sit on ten’s lap!”

“I’m four,” Spoke up Gela, who looked kinda bored by this whole thing…she didn’t like weed all that much, not that she particularly disliked it either, but she didn’t seem to care either way.

Uh-oh…

“Um…I’m ten,” I held up my scrap with a sigh.

I heard a quiet grunt of displeasure from my right…Persia wasn’t a fan of this particular order, huh. Meanwhile, the bored look on Gela’s face had changed to a smirk, which looked especially menacing because her eyes were tinged red, as she stood up and walked over to me, making sure to give Persia a deliberate glance, before plopping down onto my lap.

“A whole minute, huh? Guess I should get comfortable. Hm, I can’t quite find the right spot,” She muttered with a slight smile, shifting around on my lap.

Crap, she’s effectively giving me a lapdance.

“Whooo! Yeah, work it, girl!” Cheered Selesa, whose eyes were really red right now…maybe I should have held off for a few more minutes before lighting up that last round of buds.

“Grrrr….,” Came an irritated growl from my right.

“Hehe, I bet he’s like, super hard right now, amiright?” Inquired Selesa with a sleazy grin, resulting in another glare from Persia.

Goddamn you, you dumbass pervert…hmph, but if that’s what you’re expecting, then all I can say is this…don’t underestimate me!

“Er, good question…,” Replied Gela with a look of surprise, “I…I don’t feel anything poking into me? B-but how?”

It’s simple, really…my Healing Factor comes in handy in situations like this, I can use it to keep the blood from rushing down to my junk, and I can even use it to last longer during-…w-well, uh, not that I’ve ever had to use it for that, b-but I could if I needed to…not that I’ve ever needed to!

“Pfft, you thought it’d be that easy? It’s called self-control,” I responded with a smug, triumphant expression.

“No, there’s only one explanation…you’re totally gay!” Concluded Selesa, as she took a deep breath and exhaled with a content sigh.

“Keep talking and I’ll cut your boobs off and feed them to my cat.”

“…m-my mistake, y-you’re totally straight.”

After what felt like an eternity, round two FINALLY ended. Two down and thirteen more to go, huh…looks like I was right, this is gonna be a long game…

_____________________________________________

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don’t forget to vote, and feel free to leave a comment, I appreciate any and all feedback and criticism!

Also, check out my Instagram account @aimdaqs for posts relating to this book.