Chapter 185 Finally free(R-18+)
Chapter 185 Finally free(R-18+)
DISCLAIMER: Chapter contains suicide thoughts and self-harm PLEASE SKIP FOR ME IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE OR IT WILL TRIGGER YOU.
**Sorry guys but trust me something good will come out of this.**
After the breakfast, Liam went to work leaving Ying Sheng all alone in the big house. Ying Sheng sighed as she flipped through the TV channels. She couldn't find any interesting show to pass the time since it was only ten am in the morning.
Ying Sheng turned off the television and picked the book Liam had left on the centre table last night. Without looking at the title,Ying Sheng started reading. She couldn't concentrate on the book.
Her thoughts were going haywire and the cold silence didn't help her.
Ying Sheng wanted to stop thinking. Liam had kept her distracted these past few days and now that he wasn't here, she was a nervous wreck wanting to disappear from this cold and disgusting world.
Ying Sheng stood up and decided to go for a walk. Maybe feeling the sun on her skin would help her.
Walking down the streets, she found herself at the park. Ying Sheng's eyes roamed around the park. Since it was pretty early and a Monday there were a few people around.
Ying Sheng found herself staring at a family of three who were playing.
The little girl who was around two years chased after her father with a blissful smile on her face. She was so innocent and clueless about this cruel world.
The family of three looked so happy; something she would never have. Loneliness surged through her as she continued to stare at them.
The father grabbed the girl and planted kisses on her face making her squeal in happiness.
Ying Sheng quickly looked away as the pain became unbearable. Taking a deep breath she started walking away.
Ying Sheng had no idea how long she walked. She found herself back at Liam's place.
She laid on her back on her bed while staring at the ceiling. She tried to convince herself she was okay but seeing those happy family broke her.
The harsh reality she has been trying to hide from caught up to her. Her fight with her mother, telling Liam her deepest secrets, letting go of her father and then Liam's rejection this morning.
Her mind just snapped and everything came crushing down. The last bit of sanity held together by Liam fell apart without warning.
"Stop it! Please just stop!" Ying Sheng cried out as she covered her face with her hands.
Abruptly she stood up and opened her drawer. Picking up the scissors she walked towards the bathroom. Ying Sheng stood in front of the mirror and stared at her reflection.
Her lifeless eyes stared back at her.
She just wants to be okay? Is it too much to ask? Then as if the poison inside her mind had been activated they started spreading.
'Why are you hesitating?
Can't you see nobody wants you?
Nobody loves you.
Nobody has time for you
Why are you still alive being a burden for others?
Don't you know you're hurting people with your existence?
No wonder they hate you!
Because you're a stain. Nobody loves a stain. Did you really think you deserved to be loved?
You're not worthy. Noone would love you so stop fighting!
Just...Give up
Ying Sheng chuckled hysterically as tears roamed down her cheeks. She has finally lost the battle.
She started cutting her long hair. They say people cut their hair when they want to start a new life but she….was cutting because she failed. She failed herself, Lei Zhao and Liam.
She was a coward. She didn't want to keep fighting so she is escaping.
The red hairs fell on the floor. Ying Sheng forced herself to smile but even her mouth was tired of forcing to smile everyday. At that moment she knew what to do, how to end her misery and make everyone happy.
She tried to search for a reason to live but found none. She laughed and then broke down into sobs. The harsh moment when you realize there is nothing worth living for.
She picked the blade she had hidden from Liam and then her lips finally stretched into a smile. She was finally going to be free.
Ying Sheng walked back to her room and picked her phone.
She dialed Liam's number. On a second ring the call was finally connected.
"Ying Sheng, Hy is everything okay?" Liam soft voice asked.
Ying Sheng sniffled, and swallowed the lump in her throat.
Liam frowned when he didn't hear say anything.
"Hy…. don't scare me. Talk to me. Say something!"
Liam said anxiously. He didn't care he was in the middle of an important meeting.
"Sorry Liam….I tried really did, but it's so difficult. You won't understand—be happy and don't blame yourself."
Ying Sheng said as she wiped the tears under her eyes.
"Ying Sheng listen to me don't do anything stupid. We will figure this out. I promise. Wait for m—"
"Goodbye Liam." Then she hang up the call.
"Ying Sheng! Ying Sheng!" Liam shouted on the phone as his face paled.
"Hey, are you okay?" Lucas put a hand on Liam's shoulder snapping him out of his thoughts.
"No...I need to go. Ying Sheng...she"
Looking at the state of his brother, Lucas frowned.
"Okay, I will drive you. Let's go."
Liam nodded and rushed out of the meeting room.
The people there couldn't help but gossip. They have never seen their calm boss like this.
One cut and Ying Sheng's breath hitched. With shaky hands she slashed the blade across her wrist again and again. Their words finally hit as broken sobs left Ying Sheng's mouth. The voices got louder and louder untill she found herself getting weaker and weaker then she dropped on the floor.
Her vision blurred and her lips finally curved into a satisfied smile.
They say your life flashes across your eyes when you're taking your last breath. Finally her good memories with her dad replaced the voices inside her head.
Then darkness consumed her vision.
Free, she was finally free