Chapter 29: Florida Man Turns National Artifact into Chair
Chapter 29 – Florida Man Turns National Artifact into Chair
DING
<Will you upgrade the Humble General Store to Level 3?>
<Upgrading requires 2,000 years of lifespan.>
Leo was depressed. Once again, he didn’t have enough lifespan to upgrade the store. Still, he had many ways to procure the currency.
He looked at Cat, who was chilling on the roof as usual. So far, he had been feeding it yin cabbages and his dung.
Name: Cat
Age: 0 Year
Lifespan: 3,743 Years
This guy gained lifespan so fast. Sometimes, Leo wondered how it got so much lifespan even though he only fed it his poops and cabbages.
“Cat, come here!”
“Meow?”
The chomper looked at Leo. Unfortunately, it looked away and closed its eyes, taking a day nap like real cats.
“You… Hah.”
Being ignored, Leo gave up on Cat. Part of him was guilty that he was about to resort to thievery on his own pet. Since he had nothing else to do, he tried creating a new batch of pills, testing the newly upgraded cauldron. He put in ingredients to make a quick item – Rejuvenate Tea.
[Alchemy Recipe – Rejuvenate Tea]
Three Invigorated Tea Leaves
One Water Element Catalyst
One Liter of Freshwater
Water and Earth Essence
All previous batches came out as inferior quality. This time, Leo hoped that it could be better.
DING
<Refining Rejuvenate Tear.>
<9 Minutes, 59 Seconds Remaining…>
Leo pursed his lips. He was a bit disappointed that the refining time didn’t decrease after the upgrade.
Killing his time, Leo entered the alchemy workshop building and picked up a glittering pill from a bowl, hidden behind the array of vegetable baskets.
[Inferior Fenrir Dantian Pill]
Increase Poison Resistance
Grant Anti-Biotic Effects
Increase Poison and Metal Essence by 100 Years’ Worth of Cultivation
Increase Lifespan by 100 Years.
Consume More than One a Day Grants Laxative Effects
This batch of pills came out from the 24-Hour wolf dantian pill recipe. They were the proper cultivation pills that Wu Buyi and Han Hao had been searching for. However, as it offered 100 years of lifespan per pill and it tasted like sweet chocolate, Leo chose not to sell them.
Leo gazed at the bowl of black chocolate pills. He thought of Han Hao’s gang and wondered if he should sell them.
‘This can probably fetch 500 years or so, but it’s antibiotic! I can just keep it here as household meds and snacks!’
After eating the pill and increasing his lifespan to 1,143, Leo tidied the workshop storeroom for 10 minutes. Then, he walked out to check the newly made tea.
The liquid came out of the cauldron and floated over the cauldron, waiting for Leo to collect them. Spending one year of lifespan, Leo bought a 1-liter glass bottle. He pointed at the floating water mass, and the liquid automatically filled the container.
DING
<Workshop has refined one liter of Lesser Rejuvenate Tea.>
[Lesser Rejuvenate Tea]
Restore and repair bone marrow.
Decrease physical age by two years per liter.
Increase metabolism.
Very high chance to increase appetite.
Not much changed except the physical age reduction effect. Instead of one, it became two years.𝓃𝞸𝓋𝔢𝗅𝗇𝓮xt.𝐂𝑂𝐌
Leo shrugged and put in another batch of ingredients to make another set of tea. Then, he started chugging the tea. Although they were called “TEA”, they tasted like cold root beer.
“HAH! That hits the spot!”
Leo burped. Drinking a cold beverage during the hot afternoon was the best. After getting a mouthful of delicious drinks, Leo got in the mood of working. He turned his attention to the pile of lumber, which he had ignored.
‘I should turn these into something. Also, I need farmland. I need to cut trees… no, pull some trees!’
Leo grabbed a long lumber with his fingers and lifted it. His other hand also grabbed another one and brought them toward the front yard of the store.
BOOM
Leo put them down so that the visitors could see them. He wondered if anyone would buy them.
As Leo couldn’t tell, he looked at the smallest lumber in the backyard and karate-chopped it on the top part, cutting a small portion of the steel-like lumber. Then, he brought it to the alchemy workshop and waited there until the next batch of tea was finished.
DING
The second batch of tea was completed. Again, it came out as a lesser grade.
Leo grinned and filled the bottle in his hands, which he had downed all the content earlier. The one-liter glass bottle was filled to the brim once more.
“Infinite root beer of youth, HOH!”
In a good mood, Leo dumped the chunk of lumber into the cauldron and pressed the [Research] button.
[Iron Pine Wood]
This lumber is a precious ingredient for all artisans. It can be processed into fine furniture or refined into sacred wood.
[Alchemy Recipe – Sacred Wood]
One Iron Pine Lumber
Wood and Metal Essence
“What’s sacred wood? Is that edible?”
For the first time, Leo discovered a recipe that didn’t require any catalyst. Curious, he decided to chop more lumber with his bare hands.
After turning white lumber into arm-sized blocks of wood, Leo threw one of them into the pot and pressed the refine button. As usual, his spit was the element essence.
DING
<Refining Sacred Wood.>
<Time Remaining: 9 Minutes 58 Seconds…>
Fortunately, it didn’t take long to refine the material. Leo smiled and returned to the lumber site, continuing his work.
10 minutes quickly passed by. Leo returned to see the result.
DING
<Alchemy Workshop has refined a Sacred Wood Block.>
The finished product slightly grew in mass. It was a one-cubic-meter cube-shaped wood as if it had been processed by a master carpenter.
[Sacred Wood Block]
Refined from Iron Pine Lumber. It contains a thick amount of Wood and Metal Essence, suitable to be crafted into a weapon.
Leo scratched his head and frowned as he was dissatisfied with the product. It seemed precious, but it was useless for him. Still, it would serve as a nice showcase stand for large items.
Because this item was useless, Leo ceased the project and left the pile of lumber in the front yard. He resumed making Rejuvenate Tea as he needed something to drink.
During his free time while waiting for the cauldron to finish refining tea, Leo began clearing new land, uprooting more iron pine trees, and cutting their branches to make more catalysts.
Leo lost count of how much he drank rejuvenate tea. When the sun set, he finished uprooting 20 trees and peeled their bark. However, he hadn’t cleared enough land to make a new farm yet.
Looking at the uneven land, Leo could see some progress. Soon, he would get more room to build a new alchemy workshop and a new farm to grow crops.
After Han Hao returned to the sect, he called Han Meng over to the grand elder building. The disciplinary elder entered the building to report right away.
While sitting in his seat, Han Hao summarized the agreement to his son and gave him a new order.
“Tomorrow, you can start sending inner disciples to Daoist Florida Man’s store. Make sure the disciples purchase his grain pills and other treasures. They will benefit a lot.”
Han Meng had visited Leo before. He knew the nature of the store. However, he wondered if it was a good idea.
“Father, what if one or two of them causes trouble in that store? There are countless treasures there, and a few spoiled brats might have the wrong idea, especially that guy from the Ouyang Family.”
“Ouyang?”
Han Hao deeply sighed. He thought of the troublesome inner disciple, who was the youngest son of a prestigious clan’s elder. Although he was talented, he had an attitude issue.
That person was immature, arrogant, impulsive, and overbearing. Only when he was in front of Han Hao and the elders, he pretended to show some respect.
Thinking of the disciple and his influence, Han Hao bitterly smiled. He gave up on him.
“Sometimes, the best way to teach a person is to let them make mistakes.”
Han Hao already predicted the future – Had Leo and the disciple met, the disciple would get himself into deep trouble.
Han Meng snickered, “That mistake is going to be very costly if he doesn’t know his place.”
“True. Well, if he dares to provoke a soul formation stage senior, he deserves it. He needs to understand his place and that not everybody in the world is below him. Sometimes, he will run into an unyielding individual and be reminded of the disparity between cultivation stages.”
“Hahaha! You’re right. If he lacks common sense, he doesn’t deserve to become an immortal. But you know, father. The issue isn’t Ouyang Ting but his relatives, his underlings, and his parents. Isn’t Ouyang Long a representative of the Ouyang Clan in the Jianghu Alliance? He’s also a soul formation stage cultivator. That guy is the real issue here.”
Han Hao thought of the arrogant and domineering man in the Jianghu Alliance. He groaned and closed his eyes, not wanting to think about it anymore.
“Let’s just pray that Ouyang Ting won’t step out of the boundary. Rather, let’s not introduce him to the store. Send the outer disciples there first. As for the inner disciples, let them in the dark for now.”
“Ah, that should work.”
Although the two elders came up with a countermeasure to avoid complications and issues, it was too late for them to react.
At 8 PM, at the inner district of the sect, where only the most talented inner disciples could enter, a young Asian teenager with a long sideburn, paled skin, thick eyebrows, and straight long black hair sat at the lone table in the inner disciple’s courtyard, drinking the most expensive rejuvenate tea that he got from the Jianghu Alliance’s merchants.
Ouyang Ting was a 9th-rank foundation establishment stage cultivator. He was two major stages weaker than Han Meng and Han Hao. This year, he was only 17 years old, one year older than Gao Yan.
In short, Ouyang Ting was one of the top dogs among his peers. He had also been monopolizing the mystic realm expedition quota due to his status and relationship with the prestigious Ouyang Clan.
Ouyang Ting stared at the five groveling outer disciples, who had once seen Leo. Behind them, a deacon slightly bowed and cupped his fist, showing respect to the teen.
“Young Master Ouyang, I’ve confirmed their testimonies. They’re speaking the truth. There is a rogue cultivator in the Sword Saint Forest, and he owns countless treasures, including rejuvenate tea that you like.”
Ouyang Ting downed the tea in his cup and slammed it on the marble table. He stopped glaring at the outer disciples.
“You all can go.”
“T-Thank you, Young Master Ouyang!”
The group ran away from the courtyard as if their lives depended on it.
After the group had left, Ouyang Ting turned his attention to the deacon, “Tell me more about this rogue cultivator and his treasures.”
“Yes. First of all, the rogue cultivator has over 20 prosthetic eyeballs, thousands of immortal grasses, Fenrir’s organs, element pills, and…”
The deacon continued listing the items that he had seen in the store. He also brought out a blade of immortal grass that he had purchased from Leo.
Ouyang Ting continued to listen, but the flame of greed in his eyes was ignited.
He asked the deacon.
“How strong is the shop owner?”
“Soul Formation Stage, young master.”
“Tsk!”
Ouyang Ting clicked his tongue as the man in question was as strong as his father. He alone couldn’t possibly steal items or provoke the senior there. However, he knew a few tricks, which could make stronger foes succumb to his family’s influence.
“Call over the Hound Squad.”
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