Chapter 7 Florida Man Builds General Store in Forest to Sell Grass
Chapter 7 Florida Man Builds General Store in Forest to Sell Grass
Han Meng was ecstatic when Leo offered to sell him immortal grasses for only 10 years of lifespan per blade.
In this world, immortal grasses usually took 100 years to grow one centimeter. Moreover, it required seven types of elemental water and a highly-dense Qi area to grow. In addition, this type of grass couldn’t be found anywhere except in the mystic realms in other dimensions.
Although they were super rare, the grasses were the key ingredient of top elixirs and many types of legendary cultivation pills. Han Meng’s mentor once taught him that one piece of immortal grass could be made into elixir pills, which could extend one’s lifespan for a hundred years and improve one’s inner energy equal to one thousand years’ worth of cultivation.
Yet, Leo offered to sell a completed grass for only 10 years of lifespan!
Even a six-year-old child could do the math. Without hesitation, Han Meng asked for 50 blades of grass right away.
Leo’s expression went blank for a moment. A second later, he widely grinned, thinking that Han Meng was so stupid.
“Of course. I’ll deduct 500 years from your lifespan. Thank you for your patronage, kind customer.”
“N-No. I should be the one to thank you! Actually, if it won’t offend you, can I purchase some more?”
Han Meng regretted that he only asked for 50 blades of grass when he could afford more. As top alchemists usually took 50 to 100 years at most for refining difficult pills, Han Meng believed he could get 10 more, leaving a bit over a hundred years of lifespan for himself.
Meanwhile, Leo had second thoughts. As Han Meng acted like a drug-addicted junkie. He wondered if Han Meng mistook it for marihuana or something similar.
‘Wut da hail is dis greedy junkie?’
Again, Leo’s expression looked like disgusted Uncle Roger.
**From this point, it is recommended to read Leo’s dialogues in Uncle Roger’s voice or accent**
‘Is he so desperate to the point he wants to hoard my weeds? No, no. I might be a scammer, but I’m a RIGHTEOUS scammer! If you die from over-smoking, who will come back to buy my grasses and give me more lifespan? No, son. You will enjoy my weeds, and you will come back here in one piece.’
Although he was glad that he managed to scam a random customer, he didn’t want Han Meng to die and ruin his shop’s reputation. After all, scamming local cultivators was more profitable than eating grasses.
Leo made up his mind. He tried to convince Han Meng not to smoke too much.
“As much as I want to sell you more, smoking too much weed will send you to Jesus. You should not smoke 50 weeds at once. Instead, treasure it and take it one at a time for safety… like how you take vitamin D through your butt. Your PP will turn into a soggy noodle, and your wife will complain to me that you can’t do your homework. Haiya.”
Han Meng’s expression was blank. He couldn’t understand the jargon and weird accent. Thus, he mistook Leo for a foreigner and didn’t think much of the weird choice of words.
“Err, I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Could you repeat that?”
Leo scratched his head. He stopped messing around and got to the point.
“You have to think of your health. What are you going to do if you get sick because of overdosing?”
“!!!”
Han Meng came back to his senses. He then smacked his forehead and thought to himself.
‘He’s right! Cultivators usually develop resistance to pills if they eat too many. If we eat the same pills over and over again, our dantian will develop impure Qi, and they will clog our meridians – The pill poisoning! Why didn’t I think of this? How embarrassing!’
After thinking this far, Han Meng deeply bowed, “Thank you for reprimanding this junior! I was overwhelmed by greed, and I overlooked common sense! I will never forget your kindness!”
Leo didn’t understand what Han Meng was talking about, but he was glad that he managed to convince a drug junkie not to smoke too many weeds. Leo picked up 50 black blades of grass and tossed them over.
The grasses automatically floated and hovered in front of Han Meng. The elder gleefully accepted them and put everything in his spatial ring. Then, he watched his lifespan in the status menu decrease.
Han Meng glanced at Leo. He cupped his fist and tried to ask for his identity again.
“Again, could I have your name? If it is inconvenient, you can tell me your Daoist name.”
“…”
This time, Leo had no clue idea what Han Meng referred to.
Daoist Name?
Alias?
Leo paused to think. His humor sense kicked in, and he came up with a meme nickname that was related to his origin.
“Call me Florida Man!”
“F-Florida?”
Han Meng was stunned. He didn’t understand what [Florida] meant.
In this world, Daoist Names represented a Daoist’s achievements. Whenever a cultivator completed his golden core, they always received a title or a Daoist name from their senior, mentor, or parents. The titles always reflected the person’s specialties and every cultivator took pride in the name.
For example, a swordsman could have [Swift Sword], [Quick Slash], [Invisible Blade], or [Library of Flying Swords] as his Daoist name. An alchemist could also potentially earn [Thousand Cauldrons], [Fiery Alchemist], or [Never Botch] as his title, but no one could obtain anything related to other fields that they weren’t specialized in. Moreover, one person could possess one title in their entire life.
As a result, Han Meng pondered what [Florida] referred to. He wondered what kind of power or achievements Leo had accomplished to get it.
‘It must be something grand since I haven’t heard of it before. I should go back and check the library what [Florida] means. Oh, I wonder if father knows what Florida means.’
Han Meng bowed, bidding farewell, “Very well, Benefactor Florida Man. I’ll go back to my sect and inform you that you have greatly helped us today. If you need anything, please visit our Life Sword Sect. We will do our best to accommodate you.”
After saying so, Han Meng tossed a medallion to Leo. The latter caught it with one hand.
Leo looked at the gold medallion and smiled, thinking that he had scored something valuable, “Ah, go on.”
Han Meng leaped into the sky and disappeared into the clouds.
Leo watched the cultivator fly. He pouted, envious of Han Meng.
“I wish I could fly too. Oh, well. Nothing beats lifespan! How many years do I have now, my damn shopping system?”
DING
<Your current lifespan: 787 Years, 11 months, 19 days, 8 hours, and 45 minutes.>
Because of the big sale, Leo had enough lifespan to purchase a house even though it was a store. Without hesitation, Leo spent 500 years of lifespan right away.
DING
A building menu appeared, showing the top-down view and the grits. The 10×10 blocks moved left and right according to Leo’s fingertip as he could command the building to move anywhere on the map.
As Leo hadn’t cleared the forest around the campsite yet, he moved his sleeping tent and other belongings to another area. Then, he placed the new building on top of the former campsite.
The ground was slightly elevated and flattened. Then, a large wooden cabin manifested on top of the flat floor.
The one-story cabin looked like something from the Wild West Era as it seemed old and dry. There were no display glasses like the modern grocery stores or general stores – Two small windows and a wooden door replaced them.
Looking from the front of the store, Leo couldn’t tell if it was a store or a cabin. Fortunately, the blank signboard on the roof was large enough to hint to passersby that it was a shop.
DING
<Please name your shop.>
“Oh? I didn’t expect a service from you.”
Leo was surprised. He rubbed the ring on his left hand and named his store.
There was no need for thinking. He had dreamt of using this name for 50,000 years.𝑛𝑂𝒱𝖾𝐋𝐧𝑒xt.𝗰𝑂𝚖
“We Sell Weeds!”
Although Leo had the urge to name it “Chernobyl General Store”, he felt bad for the victims. Thus, he just used a respectable name instead of a meme to avoid offending the spirits of the incident’s victims.
The store’s name was automatically painted on the signboard. It looked a lot better with color even though it was glowing green.
Leo walked around the store. As the map had shown, it covered a span of 100 square meters. Leo took a few minutes to walk around the building.
However, Leo felt like it lacked something.
“There is no fence. Will it be okay? I hope there’s no thief around here.”
Leo suddenly had an inspiration. He browsed the online shopping system and searched for certain hardware. After all, he couldn’t call himself a “Florida Man” without big hammers!
But HAMMERS in Leo’s dictionary referred to GUNS!
DING
The shopping menu showed a series of arsenal from the modern world. Leo rubbed his hands and drooled.
“My precious…”
Leo fixated his gaze on the AR-15 in the catalog. He missed his old toys in the modern world.
Unfortunately, the price was excessive. The system demanded 5,000 years of lifespan per a standard AR-15 without any mod. Leo shed the tear of a heartbroken man.
“5,000 years of lifespan?! System, you greedy motherducker! %$@#”
After moaning and whining for an hour, Leo was sober. He silently entered his new house and gazed at the blank interior.
He finally came up with a solution.
“Fine. I can’t just eat grass all day. I’ll just convert whatever I have around me into stupid toxic weeds or something. I also need to chop down trees around here. I might get lucky if I find fruit seeds or something I can grow into mutated plants.”
Leo stopped sulking and inspected the store thoroughly. At the back of the house, there was another door to the storeroom or backroom. He checked the storage area on the back and discovered that he could use it as a bedroom as well.
The room’s size was the same as a studio condominium – About 25-30 square-meter.
He started working. Leo purchased a storage bed from the online shopping system for himself. Then, he browsed the shop and looked for shelves for his ware.
Since Leo had purchased a general store from the system, it wouldn’t hurt to make it a real store!
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