Chapter 10
Chapter 10
He stared again at Erna lying on the perfectly made-up bed. He was unable to look at her in the same way as he had in the past.
When Erna strolled down the road, members of the knights’ division would blush and straighten their postures self-consciously, and when Kalion was away, they would talk freely among themselves about how she was the most beautiful woman in Hessenguard. Kalion couldn’t have agreed more. Putting his personal feelings aside, Erna was incredibly beautiful, though this fact didn’t draw any emotion from him.
Without a single ounce of lust in him, he wondered how he was going to finish this loveless act as quickly as possible, without having to touch her any more than was necessary.
Sobbing beneath him, she coldly whispered, “I hate you.”
Caught off guard, he looked down at her in shock and saw tears cascading down the sides of her flustered cheeks, her face mostly covered by her delicate pale arms. She didn’t even want to look at him and he felt oddly rejected in that brief moment as his ego took a hard blow, as if he’d been punched in the gut.
Kalion froze… He felt humiliated. If someone else were to see her like this, what would they think of him? A half-dressed man, lying on top of a small woman who was sprawled across a bed, in tears. He’d be a dead man if anyone saw him like this, and an uneasiness immediately swept over him.
Although he had been the one to initiate this whole thing tonight, the truth was, he hadn’t had any intention of doing it immediately. He had thought that it would be a good idea to start soon, but he didn’t think she’d agree so easily, since Erna argued about everything normally.
So, when he’d suggested they do it today, during a casual conversation, he figured they’d start in a month or so at the earliest. It would be natural to take time to prepare oneself for this kind of thing.
However, she had not only agreed but had also chosen the exact time and location! As the hour drew near, he’d become more and more nervous. Such a thing had never happened to him before and he needed to prepare himself mentally. But how could he? This wasn’t how he’d expected this to turn out!
When ten o’clock came around, Kalion eventually took a glass jar from the wooden display cabinet, after staring blankly at it for quite some time, and poured some of the dark yellow liquid into a fine crystal whiskey glass. Though he didn’t like to drink alcohol, he needed this tonight.
He walked across the spacious room and stood in front of the door on the left side of it, clutching his glass tightly; the door that hadn’t once been opened since that humiliating first night together. After taking a deep breath, he slowly turned the large bronze door handle and gently opened it. To his surprise, the room looked exactly as it had then, and it sent shivers down his spine. Everyone in the duke’s castle knew that Kalion and Erna had not set foot in this room together since that awful night.
This is what it has all come down to, he thought.
The cleanliness of the room, which had been neglected for ten years, shocked him. Logs of wood burned in the fireplace making a pleasant crackling sound. It was inviting as if someone had known that they were going to use this room tonight. Of course, that couldn’t be, but it looked as if someone had been preparing it like this every day, anticipating this occasion.
After placing the now half-empty glass on the well-crafted dark wooden table, Kalion sat down on the emerald green sofa, outlined with a thick gold trimming. He thought of the people of Hessenguard who were anticipating the birth of a successor from Kalion and Erna for the two kingdoms. Erna and he had little affection for each other’s kingdoms though, and he had become more obsessed with the position of Grand Duke of Hessenguard and had moved to Hessenguard. The wealth of this country would lead to his wealth. On top of that, the Hessenguard Council, which had been very supportive since his childhood, guaranteed his activities.
Under these circumstances, there was nothing good for the people of Hessenguard when a new duke arrived.
Kalion took a sip of the alcohol he had brought with him. The potent whiskey sloshed down his throat, prompting a sigh. His mind raced as he looked around the room. Seeing it the same way it had looked before brought a vivid memory of that day back to life.
Nowadays, he had no problem eating, even if it was still uncomfortable to do so. His body was bigger and firmer than other knights, and his duties were being performed well and with no problems. But since entering this room, he couldn’t stop thinking about himself in the past and also the fact that he had to have intercourse with Erna in a little while. He wondered if he could do it.
Despite thinking about it, Kalion didn’t even feel slightly aroused. Perhaps because of the memory of his young self; he had never been moved even when he saw an attractive woman.
Sometimes, when he journeyed to nearby towns, young noblewomen from the local county estates would try to seduce him.
“Since only a child born by Erna will be recognized as a Hessenguard successor let’s just enjoy it without caring,” they’d whisper.
They’d all been beautiful women. Their extraordinary faces and luscious bodies would surely lure any warm-blooded man. When they approached him with such temptation, there should’ve been no option but to succumb. Yet, not once had Kalion reacted to such blatant seduction.
This was why he suspected that something was wrong with his body. But, after waking up to find his manhood about to burst through his pajama pants, his doubts were set at bay. Since his body had never reacted to seeing a beautiful woman, he worried if he’d be able to be intimate with Erna at all. The difference between not wanting to do it and not being able to do it was immense.
He irritably rubbed his hands on his face as he looked down.
“What the hell is going on?” he said out loud.
Normally, he’d be looking at all the documents presented to him without any of these embarrassing thoughts in his mind. He felt like a student with a dunce hat on right now, ashamed and miserable.
He should’ve consulted with Cedric. Kalion thought of his deputy, a commoner with a foul mouth and perhaps one of the knights who wouldn’t lose to anyone with lewdness, although he was said to be frivolous. Despite this, Cedric was talented and worked well.
If Kalion had received advice from him about this evening, what would he have said? Perhaps something like ‘Sir, are you worried that you can’t keep it up?’ and then chuckle at him all year, or worse, look at him with genuine pity?
Kalion shook his head and took another swallow of whiskey. Despite rarely ever drinking, he wasn’t drunk, even after a few glasses and he realized how resilient his body was to alcohol.
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the sound of another door opening out in the hallway.
The instant he lifted his head, he fell speechless. There stood Erna, hovering in the doorway, wearing a thin white silk negligee which clung to her form in all the right places. Her hair was wet and looked a darker shade of gold than usual, and her pale face glowed without the addition of any makeup.
Kalion had to admit it, Erna looked beautiful and he caught himself glancing at her twice. Beautiful to the point where, if she approached someone looking the way she did now and beckoned– with even just a flick of the hand– so many men would fall on their knees with that single gesture.
But to Kalion, it was ‘homely’ Erna. No matter how beautiful she was, all he thought of, was a young girl who had glared at him ten years ago as if she were ready to shoot daggers at him from her big wide-set eyes.
“You’re here,” she said almost dismissively.
Kalion rose from the sofa, after recovering his senses, which had been momentarily shaken. He wanted to finish this quickly. According to the book on reproduction, pregnancy could occur at once, but it may also take several months. How would he be able to keep this up for months? He hadn’t even started yet and his neck already felt tense.
Standing in front of Erna, he looked down at her small frame, had she always been this small? Usually, in the grand duke’s castle, they kept their distance from one another. The closest they’d ever gotten was in the meeting room. Though even then, they had sat at opposite ends of the table. As a result, Kalion thought she looked bigger whenever he saw her standing among others. But, standing like this in front of her now, surprisingly, the top of her head barely touched his shoulder. Of course, with others she came up only to their chests, so she was indeed short but he felt somehow strange at how small she was compared to him, considering that she was taller than him when he’d first met her. At their wedding ceremony–wearing her dazzling white wedding gown that had looked like it was about to burst–Erna had been taller than Kalion. He vividly recalled having to get on his tiptoes to kiss her after their vows had been exchanged.
While gazing at her, lost in thought, Erna suddenly turned on her heel and headed briskly out the door. He was startled and confused by her sudden behavior.
What was that about? Did she think he couldn’t perform because he hadn’t been able to utter a word to her as yet? He sank back into the sofa and wondered if he should go after her, and ask why she had left, but she just as quickly returned. In her hand was a fruity liqueur that Kalion had seen before. She poured some in a glass and gulped it down. Kalion twisted his face at her. It was a hell of a hard drink. Taking it like that would make his throat sting. But she had drunk it like it was water.
Sure enough, Erna’s eyes were soon at ease. Kalion stared at her unpredictable behavior. Then all of a sudden she jumped into the bed and said to him,
“Hurry up and do it. You know how to, right?”
The dreaded moment had arrived. About to remove his clothes, he stopped dead instead, then turned to get off the bed. But Erna’s hand latched onto him from behind.
“Where are you going? Do it quickly!”
Turning his head around, he saw her eyes beginning to well up. Kalion remembered seeing her like this. Exactly ten years ago, in this room, on that night. Erna, who had been sitting with a blanket wrapped around her, loathing everything, had had the same sad and distant look on her face as she did now.