Heart of Darkness

Who am I, you might wonder

My face is only a cover

For the monster inside

I try to hide

But if you look closer into my eyes

You might discover my disguise

For I am no man, and I have no soul

No heart, and a beast I can’t control

Alone, I suffer at night

And when the sun rises again, I pretend to be alright

My only wish is to be released from the chains

And the hatred that runs through my veins

But I know that the end is near

I shall dig my own grave

And rest in it with no fear

Because death is all I crave

Rayven closed the book. Whoever wrote it had described his suffering so well. Death was indeed all he craved. He looked over at the boys’ training and his gaze fell on William. The boy was working hard and getting better each day. He caught up to the older boys that had longer training than him.

His hair got in his eyes as he fought, distracting him and giving his opponent a chance to knock the wooden sword out of his hand. The boy then proceeded to hit William with the wooden sword while William tried to pick up his.

Envy was worse than poison. The boys couldn’t accept that a younger boy who hadn’t had as long training as them was better.

Rayven didn’t bother to interrupt them and watched William get hit. He hoped the boy would rise stronger because his foolish father would soon turn his life into hell.

William crawled to grab his sword, but the boy kicked it away and kept hitting him. At last, William had enough and used his arm to block the attacks as he stood up. With a growl, he threw himself at the boy, taking him down to the ground and then began to punch him.

Rayven had never watched anything so satisfying, but it was his duty to ensure that they didn’t get seriously injured.

“William! That is enough now!”

William was angrier than he thought. Despite his orders, he landed one last punch before removing himself. He was panting and his hands remained clenched into fists.

Rayven stood up from his seat. “It is enough for today. You can leave.”

The boy that was beaten by William got help with the help of his friends, but feeling embarrassed, he pushed them away and left in a hurry. His friends followed him, and the rest of the boys wished him a good evening before leaving. Except for William. He kept standing in the same place, while blood dripped from his clenched fists.

“I got too angry.” He said, his eyes red.

Rayven had noticed that William looked tired lately, but hadn’t bothered to care. ρꪖꪕᦔꪖꪕꪫꪣꫀ​ꪶ​

“You should get some sleep.”

William gazed up at him. “How do you sleep when you suffer from nightmares?”

How did he know? Rayven was surprised at first, but then realized the boy was talking about himself. What was haunting this young boy that he couldn’t sleep at night?

He sighed, frustrated. Why did he even care? Sitting back in his chair, he held his book up. “Try reading. It helps me sometimes.”

“My sister likes to read.”

The boy liked his sister too much, but then what was there to not like?

Rayven clenched his jaw, displeased with his own thoughts.

“Maybe she can read for you.” He suggested hating himself more the more he spoke.

Slowly, William unclenched his fists and his shoulders relaxed.

“Have a good evening, My Lord.” He bowed and then turned around and left.

Rayven watched him walk away. The boy was like his sister in many ways.

After reading for a while about the man who saw himself as a monster and his never ending suffering, Rayven decided to go home. When he went to the main garden, he found William still waiting for his father to take him home.

Before he could speak to him, he smelled the scent of a woman. A sweet summer scent that reminded him of warm and sunny days. Days that didn’t exist in his life.

Resisting to breathe in her scent, he looked her way. Why did she have to come today of all days? Now he would be scolded for hurting her brother.

“William!” It didn’t take long for concern to show in her blue eyes after she saw her brother. “What happened to you?”

Her brother looked worse than the last time she scolded him. He was curious to see what she would do this time.

“I am alright.” William assured.

She grabbed his face, removed his hair before looking at the bruises. Then she released him with a sigh.

When her blue eyes shifted to his, they were burning with a fire as red as her hair. “Can he stay at home tomorrow? To recover.” She asked him.

Rayven was surprised. He had expected to be scolded. “No.” He replied.

She frowned, not expecting his answer. Why did she keep thinking that he would be kind?

“He won’t be able to learn much with these many injuries, My Lord.”

“Pain is the best teacher.” He said. It wasn’t his words, but he believed it.

Angelica narrowed her eyes,”I hope not, My Lord. Have a good evening.” She curtsied, then put her arm around her brother’s shoulders. “Let’s go home.” She said, leading him away.

Rayven tried to figure out the meaning behind her words and the reason she didn’t argue with him this time. The woman was a mystery. Probably because he couldn’t hear her thoughts, otherwise he wouldn’t be so curious about her. Why would he?