Heart of Darkness

Rayven sat near the fire alone while deeply lost in thoughts. The more the wedding neared the more he began to doubt his decision, knowing he was doing this for selfish reasons. What would happen to Angelica once he died, even though he wasn’t sure how he was going to die? He needed to get his heart back for that and there was no other way to do it than to make it bleed. It was not something he wanted to do. He couldn’t afford to have feelings other than those he was used to. Feelings that darkened his heart, like pain, pride, hatred and …

“My Lord…”

Startled he looked to his left where he found Angelica standing.

“May I sit.” She motioned to the chair in front of him.

He nodded and she went to sit down before looking at him. He had tried not to listen to the conversation she had with her brother earlier but failed. She told him he had been kind to her.

When? He wanted to ask. When exactly was he kind to her?

“Thank you for everything today. The clothes, jewelry, the servants, and mostly for bringing my brother.”

Was that the kind she was talking about?

“I bought the clothes and jewelry so you look presentable. When you become my wife you have to think of how you dress and carry yourself. Your reputation will be my reputation. As for the servants, we needed them anyway.”

She nodded. “Yes, yes of course.” She forced a smile.

Rayven studied all of her. It was going to be even more difficult now when she dressed nicely and smelled so good. And then he saw the mark on her hand. He had tried not to think about it. Would she have the mark if he had gone to see her when Skender told him? When he was busy trying to die.

He had really not done anything for her. Not even saved her brother. Her brother wasn’t marked a slave today because Skender had taken upon himself to save him.

That demon, as noisy as he was, he cared. Unlike all of them, he cared. Even when he messed up, it was with good intentions while they messed up knowing very well what they were doing wrong.

Perhaps that was why Angelica showed interest in him. His eyes weren’t dead like theirs. He still had hope and he fought for it. He still believed in good even when he was surrounded by the likes of him.

“Do you resent His Majesty because of your father?” He asked.

Angelica looked up at him surprised. Her eyes darted before looking at him. “I don’t resent him.” She said.

Do you like him then? He wanted to ask.

Skender had fought to find another solution knowing the world would be a harsh place to live in as a woman alone. Even if her father wasn’t found a traitor, she would struggle a lot. His delay had made things worse even if his intentions were in the right place. Would Angelica think differently of him if she knew the truth? If she knew that he tried until the last moment?

Sometimes Rayven wondered if things would be different if he had tried to help Skender, even a little. Would they have found a solution and saved her from all this trouble?

What had he done really to help her?

Nothing. And he would have continued to do nothing if she hadn’t come to him.

“I was there, when your father was killed.” He began.

She swallowed and nodded. “I hope his death was quick.”

“It was.”

He could see she cared for her father despite the situation he left her in. Rayven couldn’t relate to her. He had not shed a tear when he killed his father with his own hands. The man was irredeemable, just like him. He had raised him after all and he was the one who told him to never cry.

“Men don’t cry.” He would say.

Not even when he was a little boy was he allowed to cry. His father would punish him, mock him or humiliate him if he showed any sign of weakness.

“You don’t resent any of us, who was there when your father died? Any of us could have killed him. I… could have killed him.”

“I can’t fault any of you for doing your duties.” She said.

But what if your father was right? He could of course not ask that question without exposing what he was.

Standing up from his seat, he decided to try to save this woman from himself one last time. “Have a good night.” He said and then disappeared into the darkness before teleporting to the castle. ρꪖꪕᦔꪖꪕꪫꪣꫀ​ꪶ​

He made his way to Skender’s room to talk to him without being petty this time.

Skender sat near the fire with a glass of wine in his hand. “If you came to spit venemous words, then save your time.” He said without looking his way.

Rayven walked closer to him. “I came to speak about Angelica. I am not forcing her if that is what you think.”

Skender looked up at him with a frown. “It seems like she taught you how to communicate.”

Rayven sighed. He wondered what got into him as well. “Why do you care for her?”

“I am not sure. I guess she reminds me of someone.” He said.

“That is the only reason you wanted to save her?” Rayven frowned.

Skender stood up from his seat and turned to him. “Do I even need a reason to save someone?”

Of course not. That was what made them different.

“You have no feelings for her?”

“I like her and I care for her. Is that enough?”

“Do you like her as a woman?” Rayven asked.

“No, but why are you suddenly asking those questions?”

Rayven looked deeply into his eyes. He wasn’t lying. So he just liked Angelica? How? It made no sense. Or was he just very good at hiding it?

“Well then are you relieved that I am marrying her?”

Skender narrowed his eyes. “Should I be?” He asked.

Rayven nodded. Skender was talking about his death plan.

“She has lost enough. Are you going to marry her to leave her? Tell me which part I should be releived about?” He shook his head with a sad smile. “Well who cares right? I have no relationship with her so why should I care and you, whatever reason you are using her for, why should you care? Why should any of us care? Her father was a traitor. I killed him now it’s time to move on. It is not like I care for every traitor’s family. Or… is it my fault now that he became a traitor? That he saw my true form? The demon I am cursed to be unable to control. Did I choose to be that way?” He demanded an answer.

“You all hated me since the day I arrived. Skender makes mistakes is what you all said. Yes. I make mistakes but that is because I try to do more good than you. I make more mistakes but I also do more good. No one sees the good, unfortunately. They say humans only see your mistakes. I guess it applies to demons as well.” He shook his head again with that same sad smile.

“Everytime I tried to do something good, you all laughed. The same way you laugh when I also make a mistake. Have you ever tried to help me when I am trying to do something good?” He asked walking closer. Rayven could see that the alcohol was making him vent. “Have you ever wondered why Lucrezia punishes others when I make a mistake? But she doesn’t when you make a mistake.”

Because Skender cared about them. Rayven could care less if someone got punished.

“Well, I am sorry that you all got punished for me. I am sorry for all the mistakes and trouble that I have caused. But, you are going to die anyway right? You will not be punished in my place any more. You will escape through death. Run from your mistakes instead of fixing them. Because running is the right way. Perhpas that is what I am doing wrong. I should run as well when I do something wrong.” He lifted his hand and then shook his head as if saying no.” But I won’t. I know I am negligent. I am not good with actions and decisions but I am not a coward. I don’t run from my feelings or from my mistakes.”

Coward?

He was a coward?

“Yes Rayven. You are a coward. Keep pitying yourself, daydreaming about death and how your life is hell. The hell you created yourself. People call you a monster. I see none. I see a little boy running away.” He sighed and clapped his hands together. “I guess you didn’t come here to hear that but you are welcome.”

He stumbled his way to bed and sat down. “How could I not know what was happening to her. The last time I saw her, she was alright.” He was speaking more to himself now.

Rayven was still stuck on what Skender said previously. Hell he created himself? Little boy running away?

He took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to ger angry now. “Where did you see her?”

He must have seen her when she was with her friend. That meant he went to see her, knowing the shades were keeping an eye on them. Both of them put her in danger once.

The shades were like shadows. They could hide everywhere and not be sensed at all. They were to never be underestimated and what they loved the most was when a demon got a human mate. That was a weak link that they used very well. Both of them knew how dangerous the shades were but they let their emotions get the best of them.

Very foolish. And Rayven was still doing it. He was marrying her without preparing her for his world of danger. She would remain in danger as soon as she stepped out of his castle. Now when she finally thought she had her freedom back, she didn’t know beings that were more frightening than humans were hiding behind the shadows, waiting to torture her just to have revenge on him.

“She was… she was…” He frowned. “I… I can’t remember.”

Can’t remember? Then how did he know she was alright? They both looked at each other suspiciously.. There was only one person who could play with their minds. But why?