If the Deep Sea Forgets You

“Are you feeling better now?” Mo Han asked, sitting down.

“Yeah,” Xia Qingyi only nodded and sat down to eat.

Mo Han sat opposite her, and the two of them ate in silence. Xia Qingyi slowed down as she ate, thought, and spoke in the end, “I want to try and look for them.”

“What?” Mo Han looked at her.

“My past memories.” Xia Qingyi said seriously, “I thought a lot, and I feel that I can’t always remain like this and stay at your house. You have to lead your own life. And I also want to know what happened to me in the past, I want to try and find my past memories.”

“How are you going to do it?” Even though Mo Han did not look at her, Xia Qingyi felt that his face did not look good.

“I… don’t know… I can probably start by looking at the hospital records first.”

She could hear that Mo Han’s tone was not happy, and he kept his head lowered as he ate. “Did you think that I didn’t try before? Before your adoption, I thoroughly searched there and I didn’t find any useful information at all.”

“Then… from the alley that I’d remembered. Even though it’s hazy, but I… still want to try… if I could remember a little bit more…”

Xia Qingyi was interrupted by Mo Han. “Start your investigation from a hazy image?! Don’t you think this is very impractical?”

She felt a little angry and put down her bowl and chopsticks. “So, you’re saying that you don’t want to let me check?”

Mo Han kept silent and did not speak.

Xia Qingyi wanted to laugh. “I’d remember eventually even if you don’t let me check. I can’t use my memory loss as an excuse to borrow this Xia Qingyi identity, use your sister as an excuse to keep on living here!”

Since the period when they just started to know each other, the both of them clearly knew their own identities. From then on Xia Qingyi never mentioned the relationship between the two of them, so she had almost forgotten the fact that she was not Mo Han’s sister, that she was not Xia Qingyi.

“What I mean is investigate after you’ve remembered something more precise,” Mo Han was also shocked as he had not not thought that Xia Qingyi would say something like that.

Xia Qingyi narrowed her eyes at him and said nothing.

“I have to confirm that the things you remembered today are indeed real and not your imagination.”

“I remember it very clearly, it was real and it did exist,” Xia Qingyi pouted.

“Then you still have to wait until after I find you a psychiatrist and confirm it with him.”

“I don’t need to see a psychiatrist, I’m fine.”

“Calm down for a few days first, I’ll bring you to see a psychiatrist. If you remember something again like today in the future, a psychiatrist will be of some help to you,” Mo Han said sternly.

Xia Qingyi considered his words, and felt that they made sense.

“Hurry up and eat, the food’s getting cold,” Mo Han said from opposite her.

Xia Qingyi did not have any appetite at all, she put down her chopsticks after eating a few bites. The events of this morning felt like a stone crushing her heart, no matter whether she was sleeping or eating, a sentence kept resurfacing in her mind from time to time.

That was the last sentence she remembered when she was saved.

If I’m still alive, I won’t be coming back. You can treat me as though I’ve never existed. If I’m dead, just take it as repayment for your kindness for all these years.

“What did you say?” Mo Han heard Xia Qingyi mutter something with her head down.

“Eh?” Xia Qingyi lifted her head and looked at Mo Han with a stunned expression.

“What did you say just now?” Mo Han continued asking.

Xia Qingyi realized that she had probably said the sentence aloud accidentally, but she herself could not think of the reason or the scenario for the sentence; there were no other hints at all.

Just like how she knew that it was a wide world behind her, but she was trapped in an alley with a dead-end by this sentence, pacing impatiently as she watched the white sky, and all she could do was wait.

She did not intend to tell Mo Han about the sentence for now, she wanted to wait until everything was clear before telling him.

So, she only shook her head at Mo Han and kept silent.