Chapter 891: Skit: "Playing It Up"! (Beginning)
Chapter 891: Skit: "Playing It Up"! (Beginning)
Translator: Legge Editor: Legge
At Zhang Ye's parents' house.
Everyone was dumbfounded!
His third sister nearly fainted. "That's our brother!"
His mother stared with her mouth agape and exclaimed, "Holy shit! Why is Little Ye on stage!"
His eldest sister said in astonishment, "Why is it our brother coming on!"
Chenchen's jaw dropped!
His grandpa and grandma were staring wide-eyed. "Little Ye is performing in a skit?"
....
At Central TV.
Xu Yipeng was shocked. "What?"
Chen Ye was shaken. "What is he doing onstage?"
"They must have messed up!"
"Why is it him?"
"Damn, what happened?"
"Why did they use Zhang Ye as the replacement?"
Everyone from Central TV's Spring Festival Gala was shocked by this scene!
...
On Weibo.
"Hey, come and see! Zhang Ye has reappeared onstage!"
"Ah?"
"Zhang Ye is going to perform in the skit!"
"Is Beijing TV crazy?"
"Why did they get Zhang Ye to turn things around? It's only been an hour between the incident with Qu Haiying and now. How did they get this skit out on time?"
"Quick, read the infobox at the bottom of the screen!"
"What?"
"Performers: Zhang Ye, Yao Jiancai, Dong Shanshan?"
"Fucking hell!"
"I was wondering why Dong Shanshan was not hosting just now!"
"A host and two crosstalk comedians. Those three amateurs are actually going to perform a skit? Damn, I'm a little confused. Who can pinch me so that I know they're serious!"
"Notify everyone at once!"
"Yeah, everyone has got to know about this!"
"Quickly tune into Beijing TV's Spring Festival Gala. Something big has happened again!"
"Zhang Ye is coming on for the finale skit act!"
"@TheWholeWideWorld! Go and watch it!"
"Does Zhang Ye know how to act in a skit?"
"Who knows!"
"Surely Yao Jiancai and Dong Shanshan are not up to it either!"
...
Ha Qiqi and Zhang Zuo were dumbfounded watching the TV.
Fan Wenli and Chen Guang were dumbfounded watching their TV.
When the famous skit actress Ci Xiufang saw that familiar figure appearing on Beijing Television's Spring Festival Gala, she was also shocked. "Little Zhang? Him? Acting in a skit?"
At this moment, everyone's jaw dropped!
Beijing Television's Spring Festival Gala production team were sweating from the nerves. The staff who readied the props earlier had only managed to get everything prepared five minutes before the skit began. They then had to sprint up on stage to get the props set up and could only clear the stage when the hosts were introducing the start of the next act and the curtains were about to be drawn back up. It was a really close call. They nearly didn't manage to make it in time!
Chang Xiaoliang clenched his fists. "You've all worked hard! Great job!"
"No sweat!"
"We're fine!"
"It's Teacher Zhang who has worked hard!"
"Whether this will turn all out fine or not will depend on Zhang Ye!"
"Break a leg, Teacher Zhang!"
"Teacher Zhang, we're all depending on you!"
Hu Fei, Hou Ge, Xiao Lu, and the others were trembling and their minds were very unsettled. This was the result of extreme nervousness!
Anxiety!
Anticipation!
Unease!
But all those emotions were not going to help with anything!
For now, the stage could only be handed to the trio of Zhang Ye, Yao Jiancai, and Dong Shanshan!
It was up to fate now!
...
At the venue.
The skit began!
The audience couldn't stay shocked. Before they could really react in time, they were already staring straight at the stage and subconsciously started clapping. Loud applause rang out promptly!
Amid the applause, Zhang Ye ran to the center of the stage. At present, he was a totally different person from when he performed the crosstalk routine. His expression had changed, his costume also different. He was now dressed in a very plain sweater and jeans. As he ran out, Zhang Ye shouted, "It's over, it's over, it's over! Something big has happened! Our office's longtime director has unfortunately been swatted down like a fly and the higher-ups have dispatched another fly—I mean, a replacement. A newly appointed official always makes drastic changes to an organization upon taking charge. Now that our manager has summoned me for a meeting, and I've always had my little faults, I guess my job is on the line. I'm doomed!"
Appointed another fly?
The venue's audience snorted in laughter.
Several skit actors from a previous performance were backstage when they were stunned by what they heard. This skit's setting and characters were painted out very clearly right from the get-go. A newly appointed director? A period of crackdown? Summoned by the manager? Job is on the line? And there was even a joke within this short introduction. Just by those words, the skill could be seen and the skit was clearly in a standard format and had a concept befitting of one! It was very well thought out!
Who wrote this script?
Was it Zhang Ye himself?
The camera focused over onto an office desk. Only then did many people realize that there was another person sitting in the chair behind the desk, sleeping with arms propped up.
Dong Shanshan, dressed in a business suit, was snoring with her head down.
Zhang Ye warily looked at her and blinked several times, calling out softly, "Manager Ma? Manager Ma?"
Dong Shanshan's head swayed as she woke up. "Ah? Who is it? Yo, Little Hao, come in, come."
Zhang Ye scratched his head and said, "Apologies for disturbing your sleep."
Dong Shanshan lifted a teacup and sipped from it a few times. "It's fine, I'll get back to sleep again in a bit. No worries!"
The audience:
"Hahaha!"
"Pfft!"
A round of applause rang out!
Although there wasn't much laughing, many of the audience members had their attention pulled into the skit!
The audience settled down.
Dong Shanshan crossed her legs and sat back, looking like the manager she was. She said, "Sit. So, has your family been lately doing alright?"
Zhang Ye sat there timidly on the sofa, with both hands on his knees. "As of now, we're still doing alright. But as for what's to come…" He closed his eyes and said in resignation, "I'll leave it to fate!"
The audience were tickled pink again!
Dong Shanshan glanced at him. "I heard that you usually like to play some table tennis when there's not much to do at work?"
Zhang Ye was startled by that and quickly said, "I'll reflect! I was too playful! Playing table tennis harms others and myself. If I ever play table tennis again, I'll break both my arms myself!" He claimed out loud, "I, I, I reject prostitution! Gambling! And table tennis!"
When he said that, the entire live audience was surprised for a moment before breaking out into hearty laughter!
This gag came so suddenly that no one was prepared for it. The entire audience was laughing like crazy!
"Pfft, hahahahaha!"
"Aiyo!"
"Hahahahaha!"
"Reject table tennis?"
"Why would you place table tennis alongside vices like prostitution, gambling, and drugs!"
If it weren't for that earlier incident, the audience wouldn't have laughed like they did. Because just an hour ago, Han Li and the national table tennis team had lost their match! They even publicly pinned the blame for their loss on Zhang Ye at the post-match press conference! Saying that it was because of Zhang Ye that they had lost their match! At that time, a lot of people were amused by this reaction as they felt that the table tennis team were really ungraceful in defeat. What had Zhang Ye done? Why was it his fault just because they lost the table tennis match?
Everyone had expected that this matter would blow over and just die a natural death. But beyond everyone's expectations, within just an hour of the live broadcast of Beijing Television's Spring Festival Gala, Zhang Ye began sarcastically remarking about it after coming onstage. He was even doing it in the most outspoken of ways!
The audience exploded with laughter!
The netizens were also roaring with laughter!
"This is so awesome!"
"This is who Zhang Ye is!"
"Yeah, this is exactly who Zhang Ye is!"
"Hahahaha!"
"Reject prostitution, gambling, and table tennis? Just how did he come up with all of that!"
"I'm dying of laughter! Why did the national table tennis team have to offend him of all people! It's not like you guys don't know how much of a hooligan Zhang Ye can be! You just had to provoke him, didn't you! Look, now you've attracted his attention and got made fun of by him! And it's even happening at the Spring Festival Gala where the all the viewers in the country can see!"
"I'm cramping from laughing!"
"This grumpy temper is what I like most about Zhang Ye!"
"This skit is really a surprise!"
"Looking at how it's going, this script is certainly written by Zhang Ye!"
"Of course! Those lines are so sarcastic that I don't think anyone else but him would think of them!"
"I'm really looking forward to how it will unfold!"
"My attention is drawn!"
"@HanLi! You've gotten yourself into trouble now!"
"@ChinaTableTennisTeam You're all in trouble! Face-smacking Zhang has called all of you out!"
The netizens were so excited it was like they were having an adrenaline rush!
...
Abroad.
At a hotel near the competition grounds.
After the tournament, the table tennis team headed back to the hotel for a rest. The coach and team members also held a meeting to discuss the problems that led to their loss. After the discussion was over, everyone went about doing their own things.
"Alright, try to turn in early," Liu Yifeng, the head coach, said.
Han Li was still harping, "If it weren't for Zhang Ye's song…"
The head coach said, "If you saw that it was his song, you shouldn't have played it."
A teammate said, "I'm sure Big Han didn't know that it was sung by Zhang Ye!"
Another teammate beside them did not say anything at all. He was watching the livestreams of the Spring Festival Galas on his cell phone. Suddenly, he clicked on the stream for Beijing Television's Spring Festival Gala.
A voice sounded!
"I'll reflect! I was too playful! Playing table tennis harms others and myself. If I ever play table tennis again, I'll break both my arms myself! I, I, I reject prostitution! Gambling! And table tennis!"
Everyone in the room was shocked by that!
"Who's that?"
"What are you watching?"
"Reject table tennis?"
"Fuck, who's saying that?"
Everyone from the table tennis team went over to take a look and were angered and surprised simultaneously!
Zhang Ye!
Your grandpa!
What are you trying to say!
...
On TV.
The skit continued.
Dong Shanshan smiled knowingly and said, "I'll put it to you this way then. The newly appointed Director Yao, coincidentally, likes to play table tennis, hur hur. You know what to do, right?"
"Manager." Zhang Ye had a bitter look on his face as he spoke, varying the loudness of his voice, "You're putting me in a tight spot that way. I can at most control myself from not playing, but I can't possibly control the director!"
"Hahaha!"
"Who's asking you to control the director!"
"Hahahahaha!"
The audience laughed loudly as they started getting more and more into the skit!
Dong Shanshan was so angered that she could only roll her eyes at him. Then, she stood up and walked next to Zhang Ye. "Hao Jian, your understanding of a situation is terrible. The reason? Because you have no desire to advance in your career. Let me tell you, if you keep that attitude, you'll just be an office drone all your life!"
Zhang Ye's face lit up as he stood up and said excitedly, "Really? Then I can be at ease! My job is safe after all!" He bowed deeply to her!
The audience:
"Hahahaha!"
"Aiyo, I can't take it anymore!"
"Zhang Ye looks so weak in that role! Hahaha!"
"He's acting really well!"
"The two of them are acting really well!"
Warm applause rang out!
Dong Shanshan had no recourse but to facepalm and point at him. "Hao Jian! Your hobby and the director's hobby are the exact same, do you know how great an opportunity it is?" She fanned her hands upward. "This is the perfect chance to make your ancestors so proud that they'd rise from their graves! Aren't you excited?"
The audience cramped up with laughter again!
Zhang Ye blinked several times at her. "Where's the excitement?"
Dong Shanshan gave up and explained to him, "Come here and sit down. Look, in our department, only you know how to play table tennis. So if you can make the director happy by playing table tennis with him, wouldn't you become the director's fair-haired boy?"
Zhang Ye did not understand. "Fair-haired boy?"
Dong Shanshan snapped her fingers and looked at him, saying, "Zhang Xiaohe (a character from a novel of this world, similar to Wei Xiaobao from The Deer and the Cauldron of Zhang Ye's previous world), who practiced martial arts with the emperor, what did he end up as in the end?"
Zhang Ye blinked. "—A eunuch."
"Pfft, hahaha!"
"Eunuch?"
"Aiyo!"
"Hahahahaha!"
The audience was laughing again!
Dong Shanshan completely gave up on explaining further and stood up. She said in a speechless manner, "Alright, you don't have to understand." She took several steps toward her office desk and continued, "Starting today, the only job you have when you come into work each day is practicing table tennis. Drop the rest of your work. Prioritize!" Then she picked up her cup and drank some tea.
Zhang Ye asked, "But I can't just drop my work and play table tennis with the director every day." After a pause, he added, "Wouldn't that make me a bootlicker (mǎ pì jīng)?"
Dong Shanshan put down her teacup and sat down heavily onto her chair. Then, crossing her legs and glaring at him, she said in an almost northeastern accent, "Who're you talking about? Who are you saying is a bootlicker?"
"That's not what I meant!" Zhang Ye hurriedly tried to explain himself.
Dong Shanshan flipped her hair and said in an affected, high-pitched voice, "If you can do it, then do it! If not, then leave! Empty that position for me. Heh, I'll tell you this." She said, enunciating every word and syllable, "Our country! Has no shortage of people who know how to play table tennis!"
Applause sounded immediately from the audience!
"Hahaha!"
"Well said!"
"Well said!"
"Hahahahaha!"
The audience laughed loudly as they clapped. Someone nearly even fell out of their seat!
...
Abroad.
Liu Yifeng and his coaches all had dark expressions on their faces!
Han Li and his teammates were so angry that their faces turned green!
Fuck!
What the hell is this skit?!