Imperfect Desires

129 My Star In The Sky

In the coming days, Xiu didn't know how or when it happened but it had become a very casual thing for Darren to wait for her at the bus stop in the evening. Their short walk back home started getting longer like the things to talk about started increasing.

On this evening, they were yet again walking side by side as Darren asked, "So you'd prefer staying home rather than going out. Why is that?"

Xiu scratched her head as she said, "Because as soon as I step outside the house, I end up spending 200 dollars. And then I have to do a self-review session with my inner self to justify why I wasted that money." When Darren gave her a strange look, he grumbled, "I know I'm weird. You don't have to be so obvious about it."

Darren laughed at her reply and said, "Not weird. Just a bit unique." His words managed to make her feel a little better. "Anyway, one thing that you left behind in this year?"

"Hmm... Er..." Xiu thought about it for a while before saying, "Toxicity." Darren raised his brows in question at her and she elaborated, "I've come to realize how unnecessary toxicity is in my life. You see, I spent hours in depression because I was that idiot so-called 'compromising hero'. But now, I'm no more. Now, I'd rather be a villain in a story than a goody-two-shoes hero. At least, I'll be a villain at peace."

"That's an interesting thought," said Darren sincerely.

"What about you? What did you leave behind this year?" Xiu asked him the same question as she sat on a wooden bench placed on the sidewalks.

"Umm... I haven't left anything behind but I'm trying to. I'm trying to leave someone's shadow on my life behind. Let's see if it works or I'm just being wishful," replied Darren in a bitter tone. Shaking his head, he asked, "Moving on, the one question that you despise the most?"

"I hate it when people ask, 'How's life going?' I mean, bro it's not like life came with an instruction manual, brakes, accelerator or steering wheel. There is even no test drive. It's going the way it wants to. I can't possibly handle it." Darren couldn't stop himself from laughing again. Her words matched with her dramatic way of speaking made it seem hilarious. "If you're done laughing, it's your turn to answer the same question."

"Cough..." Darren masked his laughter with a cough and said, "Well, I hate it when people ask, 'Are you okay?' when in reality, they don't really care at all about your reply. And since 90% of people don't care, we have become accustomed to saying, 'I'm okay.'"

Xiu was struck by his words to silence for a moment. What he said was a sad reality of life. It was painful and yet truthful. When people get hurt once, they become cautious and doubtful about the next person who walks in their life. Because a silent fear lives inside them that creeps up reminding them how they were hurt before.

Xiu was exactly like that person who had become suspicious and uncertain about everything. But the way it was becoming easier and easier to stay beside Darren told her what she was missing out on. These evening walks were the most precious to her. She could hardly wait for the day to end since there was an anticipation that had bubbled inside of her to see Darren.

Seeing how his answer made the atmosphere a little too serious, he asked, "Nevermind. Moving forward, what's your greatest loss this year?"

Xiu touched her hair and blinked at him saying, "Hair loss." Darren rapped the side of her head making her scowl. "Okay, my turn. Are you a 'Photophile[1]' or a 'Nyctophile[2]'?"

"I'm a Nyctophile," he replied without missing a beat.

Xiu raised her brows in question. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," he said.

Xiu frowned as she said, "But with that big bright halo around you, I thought you'd love light instead."

"Wait. What? Big bright halo? I have a halo and I don't know that?" Darren turned his neck left and right, trying to find the halo she talked about but couldn't do so.

"Aiyo, I'm telling you there is a halo. Why can't you just believe in my words?" Xiu insisted stubbornly. "It's like light follows you wherever you go. Warm light which gives people a very comfortable feeling."

"Okay. If Sweets say there is a halo then there is a halo for certain."

Xiu patted his shoulder and said, "That's like my boyfriend." Darren rolled his eyes at her.

"Which one are you?" he asked after a pause.

"I'm a proud Nyctophile. After all, when night comes we sleep. And sleep is the real pleasure of life." Darren's expression was of someone who would say, 'Why did I even bother asking?' Xiu, however, wasn't paying attention as she continued, "I'm literally like a vampire who hates sunlight. Oh, by the way, I didn't even ask why you love night darkness?"

Darren looked up at the sky as he said, "Because nights are silent and silence often brings us to places or people that are left behind. Besides, I love stargazing."

"You like the stars?" Xiu leaned her head against the bench and looked towards the sky.

"Uh-huh," was his simple reply.

"Why?"

"Because my star is also in the sky. No, I should say my superstar is also there," Darren replied with a bitter and sad smile on his lips. He couldn't help the look of hurt that flashed through his eyes. But Xiu's attention was on the night sky. So, she didn't manage to see Darren's expressions.

"What's the difference between star or superstar? In any case, both are out of your reach," said Xiu casually, not even realizing that while she meant the real stars in the sky, he didn't.

He had been talking about the superstar who once wreaked havoc in his life. Chen Xiu who really had gone far out of his reach. He lifted his hand as if trying to catch a star in his hand as he said, "You're right. It's out of my reach now."

[1] 'Photophile': A person who loves light

[2] 'Nyctophile': A person who loves night darknessPlease go to