Imperfect Desires

209 And He Never Did

The thing that hurt about unrequited love is the fact that we often look for people who were never there in the first place. Xiu's feelings were uncertain as she heard him calling Chen Xiu as his unrequited love. She honestly never thought that there could be someone whose eyes would only look for her. That reality of being unloved and abandoned by everyone around her had left a huge imprint on her mind in her previous life.

Perhaps, that was the reason that she never even noticed that Darren was in love with her. Because the possibility of someone like him loving her seemed too farfetched. Yes, she was loved by millions of her fans but none of them fell for her real self. They fell for the artist she was, not the person she was. But the same reason was why she always felt so close to Darren even without meeting him in person because he knew her as a person and not as a star.

With complicated feelings surging through her eyes, she kept staring at Darren's back waiting for him to continue. She wanted to know how or more like why did he fell for someone like her? She wasn't perfect neither in her previous life nor now. The only thing she could think of was how Chen Xiu could never become the real her as Bai Xiu did now.

"From the time I was a kid, I had seen my mom tired. Always. Whenever she came home at night, she was so tired that she'd sleep as soon as her head touched the pillow," there was a sadness in his eyes as he reminisced his childhood and continued, "She had to work at a very young age for my sake. Because she wanted me to have the best of everything, she ruined her youth just like that working."

Xiu could feel his guilt in his tone which made her uncomfortable.

"Anyway, because of that I always wanted to grow up early and help her out. I think that was the reason why I got obsessed with go-kart racing when I was very young. My mom seeing my passion sent me to Belgium under the tutelage of her old friend and that's how I first entered my pro-race at the age of 16," he passed a photo album to her and stepped towards the glass wall to look at the darkness that had slowly engulfed the whole sky.

Xiu was shocked as she noticed how many trophies he had gotten even before his teen years. No wonder he had reporters at his back all the time as well. He was no less than a celebrity himself. Xiu also was reminded of how she always teased him by calling him 'Mr. Champion' but never took him seriously.

However, Darren was completely clueless about the mess going through Xiu's mind as he continued to talk, "Over the next four years, the SportsCar Challenge became all I could think about before I entered Formula Ford. Sitting behind a steering wheel, I often ended up forgetting the rest. The speed was a passion I couldn't let go off or so I thought. The first time I met Chen Xiu, it was when I was 20 years old- The very year I became a part of Formula Ford."

Talking about his dreams, his eyes sparkled differently and even the aura around him changed completely. One could clearly tell how much he loved being on a track. He slightly turned to look at Xiu and said, "Do you know I gave that idiot my number while she was drunk but she never called me! She literally forgot all about that night. I mean you only pretend to forget but she really forgot."

Xiu bit her bottom lip at how he didn't forget to remind her that she wasn't supposed to lie to him about such things again.

"The very next year, I was in Canada for the championship race but..." Darren took a pause or it felt like his voice faltered for some reason. His brighter mood from earlier went downhill at the speed of light making an uneasy feeling to rise in Xiu's heart and her prediction came true when he continued, "I had an accident right before the championship and I had to resign even before I could take the real flight towards my dream."

He closed his eyes as if to calm himself but as the reminder of that blast came back to his mind, he opened his eyes instantly and found Xiu staring at him blankly. He thought he would see sympathy in her eyes but all he found was emptiness. As if it was her and not him who lost his passion.

Xiu placed her hand on his arm and said, "It must have hurt." Darren raised his brow at her questioningly and she further added, "Losing without even trying."

Darren's eyes widened at her words. For years, he wanted someone to understand that his biggest regret wasn't that he had an accident. If he had the same accident on the racing circuit, he would have never regretted it that much. Because in that case, it'd mean he was doing something he loved. It'd have been at the race track where he felt a sense of belongingness.

"Are you a mind reader or something?" asked Darren as he gazed at her lovingly. "How do you know what's in my mind or heart?"

Xiu placed her hand over his chest and said, "Didn't you say that I'm in your heart? Then I have to know what's going on in my home."

Darren chuckled at the way she so casually declared his heart as her own home. He wanted to pinch her cheeks for being so adorable and that's what he did. If he could, he would squish that squishy little girl. Sigh. She was really one of a kind in his life.

"Shall I continue or are you planning on distracting me with those flirt remarks?"

Xiu puffed up her cheeks saying, "I'm an honest flirt though." Inwardly, she was really glad that he was sharing a part of his life that she wasn't a part of. Neither as Chen Xiu nor as Bai Xiu. And honestly, it felt really good to her that he was telling all of this to her even when he never shared such a huge thing with Chen Xiu.

She was the only person who felt amazing at how she was winning from her own self. But for some reason, she didn't find it weird. Because from her perspective, Chen Xiu was dead. She killed her. And that fact could never change. She neither looked like Chen Xiu now nor she acted like her then what was the point of keeping her alive in her mind? Wasn't it just torture? The type of torture Darren was living through on his own.

Being Xiu, she forgot herself but he could never forget. And he never did.Please go to