Imperfect Desires

242 Let's Grab A Drink

Admiration and envy are the terms that are closer to each other than one think. Seeing the good brings out the good in us or the jealousy within us. However, it's not always true. Sometimes, we don't envy others just because we can't admire them. After all, envy can bud from admiration and admiration can bud from envy likewise. However, envy is also just another way of admiration.

And that's exactly what Dylan meant when he said that he was envious of Chen Xiu.

"She had nothing. How can someone who had nothing made you envious of her?" questioned Xiu while glancing at the side of Dylan's face.

Dylan gave a brittle smile as he said, "A lot of people were envious of her and her achievements. Why couldn't I be one of those people?"

"Because you lacked nothing in life," replied Xiu in a straightforward way.

His mirthless expression seemed odd to Xiu as he replied, "Indeed, I lacked nothing in life and perhaps that why I ended up admiring her even more. She lacked all that I had and yet her way of seeing life was phenomenal." He took a pause while Xiu rolled her eyes at him.

'Phenomenal? Really? Then how come I ended up being such a failure?' she wondered to herself but still silently waited for Dylan's reply. She wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Whenever I felt down, I'd only have to look around and I'd find her smiling at me through a screen. I don't think she ever realized how much that smile of hers mattered to people like me. It was all I needed to smile back at her. She was always there whenever I felt lost, tired or lonely. As if it was some kind of a connection."

Hearing his words, Xiu scoffed, "Silly, it wasn't a connection. You should say she was so famous that wherever you looked you'd find her endorsement ads. It can't be described as a connection."

Dylan glared at her again for spouting nonsense, "Oh, really? There were other ads as well. Then why was it that only she was able to affect me? I cried with her, laughed with her, felt sad with her and even fell in love with her." He turned to face Xiu and went on, "She was the angel with no wings but not just for me. Do you know she loved kids? Whenever she had time, she'd visit an orphanage, she loved spending time with those kids."

Xiu's eyes widened as she blurted out, "How do you know that?" Her shock was obvious since nobody knew what she did as a hobby, not even her assistant. Her free time was spent either wandering on the streets or visiting an orphanage. There was no doubt that she loved those kids. They reminded her of how she had no love in her life like them.

"I used to do voluntary work in the orphanages in my teens. During that summer break, I was in Capital staying with my uncle when I went to that orphanage. I honestly never thought I'd see her there laughing, playing and acting silly with those children. For the very first time in my life, I actually saw what her genuine happiness looked like." Xiu could see the admiration for herself in his eyes making her feel weird inside.

"Do you know that she spent more than half of her earning trying to make the dreams of those children come true? Because she never had the right to dream, she wanted to protect their freedom to laugh and their innocent dreams. Now, tell me how could I not be envious of her? She had nothing and yet she lived to the fullest. While I had everything and yet I couldn't stop complaining about my life."

Samuel Johnson wrote, 'Whoever envies another confesses his superiority.'

The same went for Dylan as well. He was willing to admit that Chen Xiu was superior to him in many ways. Especially when it came to her heart. She had the heart of gold. She tried to spread the love even when that was the thing most lacking in her own life. And for him, who had all the world and everyone's love in his life didn't have a clue as to how to fall in love or how to give back that love.

"You must have heard that I had the most sheltered life," Dylan looked at Xiu while she nodded in a daze. "I indeed lived the most pampered life. But I took that for granted from the very beginning. It was my goddess Xiu who made me realize that love isn't a one-way road. It goes both ways. You can't take someone's love for granted since that'd be insulting to the person in love with you."

Xiu's mind was all over the place as she tried to contemplate Dylan's words. It sounded like he wasn't talking about Chen Xiu because even while living as Chen Xiu, Xiu had never seen herself as such a person who could inspire another. She honestly believed that people only admired her for her beauty and that's all. Someone admiring her as a person? That thought never even crossed her mind.

Xiu ran a hand over her face and sat down on the floor without any care as she thought about how wrong she had been in her life. She thought Chen Xiu didn't deserve someone's love and yet there was an idiot named Regan Darren Salvay who loved her. Then she thought no one could admire her and yet there was another idiot named Dylan Qiu whose envy and admiration were all just for her.

"You said you fell in love with her, what did you mean by that?"

Dylan didn't know why she looked so pale and out of sort but he still answered, "I heard someone asking her once, 'What is love to Chen Xiu? How would you describe it?' Can you guess what she said?"

Xiu tilted her head up to stare at him, she honestly couldn't guess at all. She couldn't recall it at all.

"She said, 'Love is life.' That person asked, 'Then what is life?' She replied, 'Life is simple and straightforward. Just like love is. It's us who ends up making both love and life complicated.'" Seeing Dylan reminiscing about the past made Xiu's head hurt. "Seeing love as she described it made me fall in love with life itself."

She stood up and ruffled his hair saying, "Let's grab a drink together. I'm too sober to reminisce about that past which you seem to hold very dear to your heart."Please go to