Imperfect Desires

437 Just Feel Like I

[The blue sky above her was as clear as it could be. And the clarity in the sky brought a sense of freedom to the calming air around her. It was a pity that she didn't feel free inside her heart. She was sitting on the actor's chair with her one leg over the other as big black shades were covering half of her face.

A script was lying in her lap but her eyes didn't even glance at it once. All her attention was captured by the clear blue sky above her.

"Sister Xiu, they haven't prepared the set yet. You'll have to wait for a bit longer."

Even after hearing the voice of her assistant, she didn't react. She was so still that Han Bohai felt scared for a moment as he touched her shoulder to check.

"I'm alive, Xiao Han. You don't have to confirm it every time," her voice was as soft as the wind around them but he could hear the perturbation hidden underneath that voice. She was a good actor but she wasn't doing a good job of hiding her feelings from the assistant who had been with her for four or so years.

"Stop scaring me then," he requested softly and offered her water saying, "They are being too much though. How can they ask a star like you to wait?"

"Let it be," was her calm response which annoyed him.

"Sister Xiu, I warned you a thousand times to stop being nice with everyone it'll come to bite you one day but you still don't listen to me. It's because you act so understanding that those directors are eager to pamper those rich rookie actors who barely have any work."

"Xiao Han, if you'll get mad at everything in life how will you survive?" She pulled down her shades slightly and her black orbs looked at him squarely. "You have a very bright future, stop ruining it by being this impatient in life."

"I'm not being impatient though," he began. "I'm being serious. You're the A-lister actress here and yet, they are treating you like this. While that new actress comes from an influential family and that's why she's getting the treatment you deserve." It appeared like he was feeling bad for the injustice she was facing. However, she was really indifferent to it.

"We live in a two-faced world," said Chen Xiu, and as he furrowed his brows on confusion. She showed him the trending topics of today on the internet, "What does the headline say?"

"Zhou Jinhai announced his engagement with the young miss of Liu family, Liu Nuan." Han Bohai's frown deepened as he read the news headline from today. It was a hot topic since their company's CEO announced his marriage.

Chen Xiu scrolled through the screenshots she had saved and showed the screen to him again saying, "Now read this one."

"Actress Chen Xiu spotted with her boss, Zhou Jinhai on a night date. Are they announcing the relationship?" Han Bohai's feelings were complicated as he read it and could guess what she was trying to tell him.

"Isn't the world two-faced?" she questioned. "Since he announced the news of his marriage, everyone is commenting...

'Aww, they are made for each other.'

'Heaven! I love this couple!'

'They look like a real match made in heaven.'

'Congrats to you both.'

And further blah blah blah..."

"Sister Xiu," he wanted to say something but when she tilted her head sideways to face him, he stopped.

"When that one picture was posted, I was categorized as a shameless person for seducing her own boss." Han Bohai pressed his lips together not knowing how or what to say. "What did they wrote?" She tapped her head thoughtfully. "Ah, yes I remember...

'Has she lost her brain? How can she betray her fans like this?'

'What is up with these actresses and their obsession to seduce a rich guy?'

'You also need security in life? What a shame that I thought you're different than others.'

'Goddess Xiu, I didn't expect this from you!'" She pushed her shades back on to hide her eyes from him as she went on, "How is it that when she is together with him, everything is right. But if I do it, it's wrong. I'm also human. I also have feelings. Even my fans are allowed to build a future but I'm not? That's the real injustice in my opinion!"

"It's just people's opinion, you shouldn't be comparing her with yourself," Han Bohai wanted to comfort her. He had been the only one who had seen her at her best and worst. He had seen her laughing, crying, and most importantly, being real.

"Why shouldn't I?" she retorted. "She said she loves him. So do I. Then how is her love different than mine? Why her love can get the blessing of the world but mine can't? I really want to know what really is the difference between her love and mine. How can people judge that I'm after his money? Is it really that easy to judge someone?"

"Sister Xiu, you promised to move forward," he reminded her.

"I'm trying," she answered solemnly.

"I can't see it though. You need to stop letting these things get to you. It's really not worth it," he got up from the chair beside her and added, "I'm gonna check up on everything again. You better stop thinking so much."

Saying that he walked away leaving a girl sighing alone. She was standing up when she heard someone screaming. "Sister Xiu! Move!" Everything happened so suddenly that it didn't make any sense to her. All she remembered was looking up to see the lighting equipment falling right towards where she was standing.]

Right when it was about to hit her head, her eyes opened.

"Oh, thank goodness you're awake. You scared me," she heard that feminine voice and looked at Ying who was sitting on the hospital bed beside her holding her hand.

For a moment, Xiu couldn't remember anything. After that dream, she was feeling confused as she looked at her hands and touched her face anxiously. She really couldn't tell whether she was still Bai Xiu, or she had gone back to being Chen Xiu.

And if she was Bai Xiu, why did she remember that incident again? Why that particular memory? Was that because she met Liu Nuan the other day? Or was it because she felt like she heard Xiao Han's voice the other day? Whichever it was, she certainly didn't want those memories.

She stared at Ying weirdly who in turn questioned, "What? What's wrong? Is it hurting somewhere?"

Xiu extended her arms and hugged her taking Ying by surprise. "What's up? Why are you hugging me so tightly?"

Xiu shook her head saying, "I just feel like it."