Imperfect Desires

670 Best Version Of Yourself

After crying her heart out, she lost her voice even further. Since her heart had come to a decision, she felt relatively calm now. Chen Xiu had no intention of seeing a doctor for this. She didn't think she needed it now. She got up and cleaned herself up. Dressed up in clean clothes before she put on ointment on her wrists and ankles that had the bruises from the rope.

"Ah!"

Even when she screamed in pain, she still had to do it all on her own. And she did.

For the next couple of days, whatever she ate, she puked out. Her stomach couldn't hold it in. That further weakened her body. And every night, she would think up of a new way to die.

For instance...

Holding the kitchen knife in her hand, she continued to stare at it for a long time. As if some whispered in her ear, "Just do it. There is nothing left for you here. This is the only way."

In the end, she slammed the knife down and stepped back saying, "No. What if the cut is not deep enough and I survived? It'd be too much of a trouble."

It happened again, the next day...

She tied the rope and stood up on the stool. She even wore the rope around her neck when the same voice whispered again, "There is no way you'll survive this. It's very simple. Just let the stool go and it'd done. Easy, isn't it?"

Taking a deep breath with her eyes closed, she came down saying, "I have always been a fan of my swan-like neck. How can I leave such a hideous mark around it? No, no! It's not acceptable."

Just like that, she let another day passed. Even though she had wholeheartedly decided to take her own life, she still couldn't bring herself to do so. Every day she looked for an excuse. And every time she found a ridiculous excuse to step back.

Just like that, a week passed. The bruises on her skin healed sooner than she had expected. And she thought it was fortunate because that day Han Bohai came back from An City after spending a long time with his cousin.

Obviously, the first person he sought after coming back to the Capital was Chen Xiu.

"What is the occasion?" he inquired as he looked at the table full of delicacies. Every dish on the table was his favorite.

Chen Xiu's smile towards him was softer than usual. It was brimming with warmth. Her heart finally answered why she had been hesitating for the past week. She wanted to meet this idiot just one last time.

"I missed you, Xiao Bobo."

"Huh? What's wrong with you Sister Xiu? I was only gone for two weeks."

"I know but I missed you a lot. I realized how deeply you're connected to my life."

Han Bohai felt proud, "Now you know my importance."

"Am I especially handsome tonight? Why do you keep looking at me?" he joked.

"You had always been handsome." Her answer wasn't out of the norm but it gave him an uneasy feeling.

"Sister Xiu, have you been well when I was gone?" Xiu nodded her head. "Then why didn't you take any of my calls?"

"I lost my phone and without you, I'm useless. I couldn't even find a new phone for myself."

Han Bohai frowned but didn't say anything to her.

Propping her face on her hands, she said, "Bobo, if there really is the next life, I really want to have you as my brother."

Han Bohai's eyes widened, "Oh? And why is that?"

Xiu stretched her hands over and pinched his cheeks saying, "Because I really love you."

Han Bohai blushed at her response, "Sister Xiu, you really know how to flatter me."

"But all I said is the truth," she replied. Xiu stood up and played music. It was a famous cello piece.

Han Bohai frowned as he said, "Don't you always avoid such music? I remember you told me how listening to cello makes you feel lonely and suffocates you."

Xiu smiled sadly at him as she replied, "I still don't know why I always get a lonely feeling whenever I hear a cello playing around. But today, I just feel like admiring this beautiful art of music."

Han Bohai didn't find her melancholic expression strange at all. She liked talking nonsense anyway. On normal days, she'd in fact choose to listen to piano rather than cello but today must be something special that she wanted to change her taste, so he didn't question further.

It was pretty late when he decided to leave after talking and laughing around with her. Even when he was leaving, she had a bright smile on her face. But before he could leave, she held him back and hugged him saying, "Thank you, Xiao Bobo."

"Huh? For what?" he was dumbfounded.

She pulled away and replied, "For everything." She ruffled his hair and said, "Take care of yourself, and don't forget to be the best version of yourself. Dazzle the world with your charms."

"Sister Xiu, stop talking nonsense."

She chuckled, "Okay. I won't talk nonsense ever again. I promise." She even gave him a pinky promise which he was skeptical about but if he knew that she was planning on keeping that promise in that way, he'd have never agreed to it.

She waved him goodbye and finally breathed calmly. A heavy weight lifted off her heart. Later on, she cleaned up the kitchen, took a shower, changed into a maroon silk sleeping gown. Habitually, she opened Weibo and read all the profanities directed towards herself.

However, at this moment her mindset had already changed a lot from what it had been two weeks ago. She took deep breaths repeatedly before she began to walk towards the balcony.

Suddenly, a loud ringtone rang in the condo...

*To be Continued*