Imperfect Desires

739 This Has You

A moment's value can only be told by the one who lost it. Because when one loses that moment, only then he realizes what he could have done differently.

We all have that one moment in life we want to return to. To fix something, to love someone, to cherish something, or simply to live in the feelings of that moment all over again.

All of us, at some point in our lives, wondered, how different their life would have been if they had done something differently.

When Darren found himself standing underneath the same apartment complex where he once watched someone taking her last breath, he was confused. The place seemed familiar but his delirious mind couldn't figure it out. Who was he? Where was he? Where did he come from? And where was he going?

He felt a splitting headache coming on and held his head in his hands. What was he doing here? He felt like he knew the answer to each of his questions but something was stopping him from remembering any of them.

He looked heavenward as the rain fell and was stunned. A lone figure stood at the balcony and that sight brought an indescribable pain to his heart. He pushed himself to run towards the entrance and took the elevator up without noticing anything. He was like a crazed person who could only see one thing and he felt only one thing; if he was one step late, he'd lose something very precious.

Running up to the familiar condo, he pushed the door open and shouted, "No! Stop!"

The beautiful melody of Bach's 'Cello suite 1' was lingering in the air with the pitter-patter of the rain in the background. When the two melodies mixed together, it soundly beautifully heart wrenching and oddly comforting.

The condo was enshrouded in darkness. Only the light of the computer screen flickered. But he could still clearly see the figure clad in a maroon gown standing at the balcony as she gazed up at the sky and seemed to be savoring the rainfall.

Hearing his voice, she didn't immediately turn around. She waited for a moment before turning around slowly to face him. When the diffused grey light of the dark sky pushed light, Darren could see the desolate raven orbs of the girl brightening up with a tender light. Her fair skin had a rose charm because of the cold breeze and she shuddered instinctively before smiling back at him.

Her lips parted slightly as she said, "You came..."

Darren ran up to her side and hugged her frail figure in his arms tightly. As if he wanted to fuse their bodies together! When he felt the warmth of her body and the beating of her heart, her hot breath, it slowly reassured him that he didn't lose her again. He wasn't late this time. He was right on time and he would never let her leave him again.

He reluctantly pulled away from her and took off his jacket before wrapping it around her body. Then he pulled her to his side and walked back inside the condo. He made her sit on the couch and choked out, "How can you leave me again? Aren't you being very selfish? If it's difficult that reach out to someone! Why do you have to endure all on your own? There are so many people willing to be there for you. If there are ones who don't believe you then there are ones like me who only believe in you. How can you let the haters win? So what people like me are in small numbers? Hope no matter how small is still hope." He put her head against his chest and continued, "As long as one is alive, he can fight with any circumstances. Any situation can change when one is living and breathing. Death won't solve anything. You can't give excuses to the dead. I can't do anything for the dead. But as long as you're here, I'm willing to do anything!"

The girl in his arms cocked her head up and looked into his grey eyes with a smile playing on her lips. That smile seemed to pierce through his heart so deeply that he was left breathless. He never thought he would see this smile ever again. The smile that felt like a charm that always put his heart at ease.

But why was it that looking at that smile today, all he felt was pain? He longed to see this smile then why did this smile seem to break him down?

She slowly placed her cold hand against his face and caressed his face lovingly. Her eyes held a burning passion and loving tenderness. The feeling was contradicting. But how come these emotions seemed so familiar?

Had Chen Xiu ever looked at him? Why couldn't he remember it? No, she didn't! He had a feeling.

She never looked at him this way, but he was all too familiar with this feeling. Someone looks at him with the exact same burning passion and loving tenderness. And it always makes his heart skip a beat.

"Who are you to save?" he heard her soft melodic voice. "Or should I ask, what are you trying to save?"

He held her even more tightly as he answered, "Of course, I want to save you."

"Here?" she questioned. Her eyes wandered around the condo and her eyes turned melancholy, "There had never been anything to save here."

"No, it has you!" he retorted.

She placed her hand over his beating heart and smiled again, "This has me. As for this cold place, I left it long ago."