245 Nothing makes any fucking sense
“Are you okay?” Nadia asked as she stepped into the shower where Mathew was busy trying not to lose his mind. And soon enough, the rest of the girls followed, all equally worried by Mathew’s unusual behavior.
“I will be okay,” Mathew said, remaining in the very same position that he was in for the last several minutes. With the hot drops of water constantly falling down his head and his eyes plastered to the floor.
“That’s not exactly the answer to my question,” Nadia replied, plastering herself over Mathew’s back and placing her ear right above his heart.
For but a moment, she simply listened to Mathew’s heartbeat, as if to try to guess his internal state from that one thing alone.
In a sense, it was a genius move. For how much Mathew could keep his face straight, it wasn’t possible for him to alter the way his emotions influenced his heartbeat.
Yet, ultimately, the heartbeat was just that. A rate at which his heart was beating. Just a number. And it was pretty damn hard to guess the intricacies of one’s internal state from just a number.
“You are not going to tell us what happened?” Daria asked, sitting down on the wet floor and wrapping her hands around her knees as she threw a glance at Mathew’s ass. “You know, no matter how much you want to hide it, we can see something is wrong.”
“I dare not assume otherwise,” Mathew replied, leaning his head to the side as he threw a small smirk at his girls. “Even with what happened, all of it, I dare not to even attempt fooling you.”
“Matty…” Nadia muttered, pushing herself away from his back only to then move past his, sneaking under his arm and then sliding between the shower’s wall and Mathew’s contemplative position. “Look at me,” she ordered, placing her forehead against Mathew’s chin before slowly raising her head, forcing him to raise his eyes as well.
“What happened?” Nadia then asked, lowering her head as soon as Mathew’s eyes moved to a normal level. “And I’m not going to take any excuses for an answer.”
“A lot of it,” Mathew replied. “Some stuff that makes me feel mentally filthy. Other stuff makes me baffled. And there are a lot of things that simply don’t make any fucking sense!”
Mathew’s voice suddenly burst out, finally revealing the intricate mix of emotions that was hiding deep below the surface of the mask he usually kept on his face.
The girls in the shower room turned silent, taken aback by Mathew’s sudden outburst.
It wasn’t the first time for them to see him act out on his emotions. But it was the first time for any of them, save for Nadia, to notice just how much of them was he bottling up in his soul.
“Matty…” Nadia whispered, looking right into his soul through the window of his eyes. And yet, rather than coming up with anything witty, she simply pushed her arms open before hugging him close.
Leila opened up her mouth, clearly hoping to put in two cents on her own. Yet, a quick, harsh glance that Nadia gave her from over Mathew’s shoulder was enough to put Leila’s ambitions to rest.
“It will be okay,” Nadia muttered, running her hand up and down Mathew’s naked spine. “Just take your time to think it all through. And once you are ready…” the girl stopped her words, taking a moment herself to think what was the right way to convey what she was thinking about.
“And once you are ready, you can take your time to explain it all.”
“Explain it?” Mathew muttered, closing his eyes. He then took two breaths before shaking off his motionless state of mind. He moved his hands up, grabbing at Nadia’s waist only to push her against the wall of the shower in one, quick motion.
“Huh?” Nadia released a small moan, more of a shock than pain.
After all, with all the levels Mathew pumped into her vitality, his system would be worthless if such a casual slam would be enough to cause her any pain.
“How the hell am I supposed to explain stuff that doesn’t make any sense?!” Mathew screamed out right into Nadia’s face.
Yet, as soon as his shouts left his mouth, his face tensed up.
‘I failed to control myself,’ he thought, gritting his teeth as he stepped a single pace to the back.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered through his tightened lips. He took another step to the back, only to nearly slip on Leila who was standing behind him all this time.
“It’s okay.” Nadia took a step forward, slowly chasing after her man.
There was no hint of rejection or even anger at what just transpired. She didn’t appear to mind it at all… if not for the worry that Mathew could clearly see in her eyes.
“If you don’t understand something or if something doesn’t make sense to you… How about trying to share it with us anyway?” Nadia suggested in a calm, peaceful voice.
A voice of a trainer trying to invite a scared animal to get closer.
“Ever since I claimed the fifth wife, my system evolved again,” Mathew said, raising his eyes and looking Nadia directly in the eyes. “Amongst the different perks that I received, my stats now are a sum of what I had on my own and… all of your stats,” he revealed the one thing that made the least sense.
‘There is no use trying to talk with them about how I feel,’ Mathew thought, rejecting the idea of revealing the moral quagmire he found himself in. ‘That’s something I would need a proper, male friend to talk through. And as it just so happens…’ he paused his own thoughts when his body nearly shook from the foul amusement that exploded in his soul. ‘It’s something I never had. And with a huge percentage of the world’s population succumbing to the zombie virus, I can hardly expect to get one anytime in the future!’