43 The Melody Was Lost
A bottomless pit opened in her stomach; out of it, an icy wave of panic covered her entire being.
Ashleigh felt herself take a shaky step back from him. She tried to swallow, but her throat suddenly became as dry as a desert.
She stared back at him with her eyes wide, hoping that she had misheard him.
‘Why did you leave me on the night of the full moon.’
His words bounced around in her mind repeating themselves in a haunting chorus.
‘No…no… he doesn’t remember…’ she thought to herself, ‘he can’t remember….’
Caleb stared back at her, unmoving, waiting for her answer.
“What?” she managed to ask.
He looked carefully at her. She could see that he was thinking, deciding. She swallowed nervously. What could she do?
Ashleigh had lied to him about what happened on the full moon because he had no memory of the actual events. But, if he remembered everything now, if he heard what she said…
Caleb took a step back, giving her a weak smile.
“I was just wondering. If you came and even removed my chains, why you would leave me to wake alone. You planned to speak to me, Galen told me as much, so why not just wait for me to wake?”
Ashleigh listened carefully to his words, trying to see if there was any kind of trick, any malice. Something to show whether he actually remembered that night. He just stood there and waited for her reply.
‘He doesn’t remember,’ she told herself once more, relief washed over her.
“Did I need to wait with you?” she replied carefully. “I didn’t really want to sleep on the floor, and it would have been inappropriate for me to do that anyway.”
Caleb gave a light chuckle.
“That’s true,” he replied.
They stood silently for a moment. Caleb looked away. Ashleigh stared up at him, her panic finally easing away.
‘Why did you ask that?’ she wondered to herself. Looking up at his features, she felt that familiar warmth inside her growing. She felt the pull to him, and she felt a deep sadness.
“Why are you asking?” she heard her voice ask without a thought.
He looked back down at her, he smiled.
But she knew, deep in her heart, that the smile he showed her wasn’t the same as the ones he had shared with her before. This smile was guarded. Once again, it was an unfamiliar and uncomfortable wall that had been built between them.
She should have been happy that he was keeping his distance. It was what she needed, what she wanted. This should have been the most extraordinary sense of relief.
“I was just curious,” he answered quietly. “Why don’t you go back inside? We will be leaving early in the morning.”
Ashleigh could only nod in reply. She turned away from him, walking toward her cabin as memories tickled at the corners of her thoughts.
She knew she should push it away, shove it down to the deepest depths of her mind and lock it away forever.
‘One last time,’ she whispered in her thoughts, ‘after today, I will also forget.’
With each step toward her cabin, her mind took another step back to the night of the full moon, back to the moment she understood what heartbreak felt like.
[The Night of the Full Moon]
Caleb laid his head on her lap. Her hand moved instinctively to his head, running her fingers through his soft hair. He smiled up at her, she returned his smile, feeling the peaceful pleasure of holding him in her arms.
“I’m tired,” he whispered.
“Sleep,” Ashleigh whispered back sweetly as she continued to run her fingers through his hair.
‘I will watch over you,’ she thought lovingly.
He took her other hand, bringing it to rest over his heart and holding it tightly there. She felt his heartbeat, and it seemed to match her own. There was something she found soothing in that.
“My heart beats for you, Ashleigh,” he whispered.
Ashleigh gasped; her fingers stopped moving for just a moment. She expected to feel fear, something that would make her run. But in reality, she felt joy.
‘I’m surprised,’ she thought to herself, ‘but I feel happy.’ ρꪖꪕᦔꪖꪕꪫꪣꫀꪶ
Her mouth curled into a half-smile; her fingers resumed their exploration of his smooth hair.
His head, his eyes, his body, everything grew heavier. Then, finally, his eyelids were beginning to close, she watched him drifting away, and she held him closer. Wanted him to feel her warmth.
“Please, don’t leave me…” he whispered as his voice drifted into sleep.
“I won’t,” she whispered back to him.
A little while later, she moved, and he whimpered.
“Caleb?” she whispered, checking if he had woken.
He made a sound, no words, just a sound.
“Are you awake?” she asked.
“Hmm…” he answered, opening his eyes slowly and heavily. Finally, he turned his head and looked up at her with a lazy smile, “you’re here.”
“Yea,” she giggled at his groggy voice.
He reached his hand up and touched her cheek. “I’m so lucky.”
Ashleigh smiled, leaning into his hand. Her heart swelled with warmth and something more.
“I love you,” she whispered softly, her words coming from somewhere deep inside that she had never felt before.
Caleb smiled again.
“I love you too.”
He relaxed in her arms, beginning his drift back to sleep, he whispered once more.
“What?” Ashleigh asked, unable to hear what he had said.
“Thank you,” he yawned, curling himself back into her lap and pulling her hand tightly against his heart once more.
She felt their heartbeats in sync again. She closed her eyes as though she were listening to a sweet melody.
“…for choosing me,” he whispered as he relaxed into the gentle embrace of sleep in her arms.
The melody was lost as her heart skipped a beat.
‘How?’ she thought to herself as a familiar panic settled into her heart. ‘how did I forget about Granger?’
Ashleigh cried silent tears in the darkness. She wept for her newfound love, for the man she loved for so long, and finally, for herself. She had never known it was possible to feel so much pain from loving someone.
She stayed with Caleb until the dawn was breaking. When Galen offered to take her place, she should have accepted. She knew it even then. But Ashleigh couldn’t tear herself away from him. These were the only moments they would have together, and she wanted all of them.
[Present]
Her tears flowed down. She tried desperately to keep her sobs silent as the ache grew. She didn’t want anyone to hear her, especially Caleb or Granger.
‘I’m sorry, Caleb,’ she whispered in her mind, ‘you deserve someone who can let themselves love you. I hope you find her and that I never have to meet her.’
***
His fingernails squeezed painfully into his palm. Caleb had planned to confront Ashleigh and tell her exactly what he remembered of the full moon. Then, to finally get a straight answer from her.
‘Why did you leave me on the night of the full moon.’
Caleb sighed as he remembered the panicked look on her face when he had said those words. How could he confront her? How could he say anything when she looked as though she had seen her own death?
‘She chose him,’ he reminded himself, ‘she lied about what happened that night because I don’t mean anything to her.’
He wanted to accept that. To just let go of her and let Ashleigh live the life she wanted, but when he thought of how Granger talked to her… Caleb let out a low growl.
‘I have no right,’ he told himself.
He took a deep, cleansing breath and looked up to see that she was finally gone. He started walking towards the cabins when his path was suddenly blocked.
“We need to talk,” Granger demanded.