546 Their Own Thoughts
‘The baby, Mama, I’m talking about your little one.’
The words echoed in Alice’s mind, her heart gripped tightly, and her thoughts seemed to shatter.
‘You must be careful to keep this one safe… until it is time for you to meet each other.’
Breathing was impossible, the air was too thin, and she couldn’t pull it into her lungs. Her body was cold. There was pressure all around her. Her chest grew heavier and heavier. She couldn’t breathe. She was drowning.
‘…my heart beating with yours….’
His voice surrounded her. His warmth enveloped her.
‘I’m here,’ he whispered. ‘Just you and me. I’m always here.’
The panic and dread slowly fell away. Alice let herself slip away into his warmth. And for a time, she felt safe.
Alice opened her eyes to the darkness. She took deep breaths as she heard the echo of her own sobbing.
It was utterly dark, void of any light or color.
She swallowed, an uneasiness settling into her heart.
But then there was something in the distance, a soft green glow. Alice felt herself moving toward it until it was on the ground at her feet. She reached down to touch it, but she hesitated.
pAnDa (nov)e1 As her eyes registered what it was, she grew scared.
The soft pink and white petals, a lotus in bloom.
‘The lotus has its roots firmly in the mud and muck….’
Alice lifted her head, looking around for the source of the words.
‘Every night, it is pulled down into the cold dark waters, yet, every morning, it blooms, fresh and clean.’
Alice turned, and she saw a room, a hospital room. She lay in the bed, and beside her stood an old woman.
She noticed another bed. Myka was asleep in it. Alice furrowed her brows. Was this the night they stayed together after healing Myka’s infection?
‘That is you, Alice, the last bloom of Spring.’
The old woman moved her hand above Alice’s body, a soft green glow passing between them.
Alice gasped, feeling a warmth low in her belly.
‘Life was unkind to you, dear girl,’ the woman whispered as the glow brightened. ‘And now, you are owed that kindness.’
Alice tried to step forward to see what was happening, but the light grew blinding. She squeezed her eyes tight and turned away. But when she looked back again, she found herself staring up at the ceiling of a hospital room.
This was not the room from the memory. This was where she had woken after returning from Spring. There had been a woman, kind and gentle. She had smiled and talked with Alice, told her…
Alice’s hand instinctively moved low on her abdomen. She swallowed.
“Alice…?” his warm voice called.
She turned her head and saw him sitting beside the bed. He looked worn down. It was clear to her with just a glance that he had hardly slept and had been crying.
“Axel…” she whispered.
He took a deep breath and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers.
“I missed you,” he whispered. “I was worried.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, reaching her hand into his hair and petting him gently.
Alice felt a painful tug in her heart. The tears were already forming in her eyes, one or two having already escaped. She sniffled, and Axel pulled away.
He pulled his chair as close to the bed as he could, holding her hand as he arranged himself beside her.
“Hey…” he whispered, leaning on the bed rail to be even closer to her. “I’m here.”
Alice smiled weakly.
“I know…” she replied softly.
They were quiet for a long time. Both processing their own thoughts, feelings, and questions.
“Axel,” Alice called to him, breaking the silence.
He lifted his gaze to her. She swallowed, feeling a tight nervousness in her chest.
“You already know…” she said, “don’t you?”
Axel lowered his gaze and nodded.
“When I came to see you earlier, you were in shock… when you finally calmed down enough to fall asleep, I found out what happened,” he said quietly.
“What did she say?” Alice asked, then with hesitation. “Is it true?”
Axel looked up, he met Alice’s eyes, and she could see the calm dread he was trying to mask.
“Bell is running tests now,” he said, smiling and trying to give her some reassurance.
“But you think it’s true,” she whispered.
He swallowed and then licked his lips.
“I…” he began. Then paused and brought her hand to his cheek, resting his face against her palm. “Alice, no matter what, I love you, and we will get through this together. I will not lose you.”
Alice felt a tightness in her chest.
“Talk to me, Sweet Boy,” she whispered.
He looked at her, fresh tears gathering in his eyes. He licked his lips and sniffled.
“Bell is running the official test, but,” he began. “I can… hear… the result already.”
Alice closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
She didn’t know what she had hoped for. Her heart had already accepted that she would never have a child. But in truth, she had not prepared herself for the possibility of getting pregnant anyway.
Her hand lowered to rest on her belly, her chest tightened, and her heart ached.
“What happens now?” she asked, a soft break in her voice.
Axel squeezed her hand. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
“I’m not sure,” he whispered.
A gentle knock at the door drew their attention.
They both took deep breaths and wiped away their tears, Axel reaching forward and wiping one last tear from Alice as he gently stroked her face and gazed at her with affection.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too,” she replied.
He nodded and then cleared his throat.
“Come in,” he called out.
The door opened, and Bell stepped inside. Then, closing the door behind her, she turned to face the couple. A strange look on her face.
“Hey,” she began. “So, there are a few things we need to talk about, and I’m not really sure where to begin.”
“What do you mean?” Axel asked. “Did you check the results of the pregnancy test?”
“I ran the test, and it did come back positive,” Bell replied.
Though they already knew, Alice and Axel still felt the words like a painful blow.
“But,” Bell continued. “I also got the results of a few others test we have run on Alice in the past three days… and I’m… confused.”