596 Remembering Him
pAn,Da n<0,>v,e1
Tomas knew better.
After their bodies were found, Tomas tried to punish Roman. He had locked him up, whipped him with silver, and beaten him until his hands were raw. Finally, when it was clear to Tomas that Roman wouldn’t break, he let him go.
As soon as the door to his cell was opened, Roman went to find Bell.
He hugged her, held her in his arms, and felt the affection in their bond. Never in his life had he felt anything like it before.
He asked if she believed him. If she knew now that she was his and his alone. He wanted her to know that he would never let anyone come between them and that he was devoted to her.
He felt the change instantly.
The affection that she had poured into him fell away.
She froze in his arms, and her scent was muddled with fear.
Bell pulled back from him. Her smile was gone. The fondness in her eyes had turned to panic and disgust. They were filling with tears as she tried to pull away from him.
Why was she crying? Why was she looking at him like that? He thought of Alice, the small child that smiled to see that her friend was alive, even while she suffered.
Bell’s parents were dead, and he knew she was sad. But he was here. He promised to be with her. Even through her pain, she should smile at him. Why wouldn’t she smile at him as Alice had smiled at that stupid boy!
Roman clenched his jaw, feeling the rage inside him grow as she tried to move away from him.
In his anger, he claimed her that night.
The next day, he understood that he had gone too far. That he had hurt her. He went to apologize, but he overheard as she told her aunt about what he had done. As she begged her to help her escape him. As she called him a monster.
Always a monster.
He was tired of trying to fight it. Tired of searching for something that would never be his. He was a monster. He always had been. Why bother denying it anymore?
From that day forward, he did as he pleased. Bell never truly smiled again, only giving him fake smiles occasionally.
He hated that more than her tears.
Alice had never given him fake smiles. She glared at him defiantly. She refused to cower before him. Only the doll smiled. When she did, Roman hated her for it.
At her parent’s funeral, he saw how Bell had lit up when the woman from Winter came, and he knew she was trying to find a way to leave. But he would never let that happen.
Bell may not have been what he wanted. Hers was not the smile he longed for or the warmth he craved. But he could not escape the desire he felt to have her near him. To claim her.
And if he couldn’t get away from it, why should he let her?
He reminded her again not to think of leaving him, and when the funeral ended, he took the last step to bind her to him for the rest of her life.
It was during that moment that he discovered the awful truth.
The way that her screams danced in his ears as her body responded to him. Her heart pounded wildly, and her scent almost completely blended with her fear.
An intoxicating mixture to a monster like him.
In those moments, drunk on her screams and fear, he could forget about the warmth, the smile. He could forget about the girl hiding in the dark.
He gorged himself on those dark desires for more than a year. And after Bell ‘died,’ he found his own way of continuing to do so for years.
He still felt her. He still saw her fake smile on every face that looked even a little bit like hers. But none of their screams could fill the void. They couldn’t block the emptiness she had left behind or his longing for Alice’s warmth.
All they did was drive him further into the dark.
After meeting his ‘mother’ again and seeing Alice after all the years apart, he began to feel something different. Witnessing the way that Alice was fighting against Holden’s control filled him with joy.
But learning that Bell was alive. He was as happy as he was angry.
If he could finally destroy the bond between them, if he could just hear Bell’s last scream… then he might be able to break the walls down around Alice. To free her from Holden’s control.
Would she smile for him then?
Roman knew that she hated him, that she thought of him as a monster. But she thought of him. With every new face she wore, she continued to hate him. Holden made sure, no matter what, she would never forget him in that way.
He could accept that. He could embrace that. As long as she was his, as long as she was with him, it didn’t matter if it was hatred or love. So long as she didn’t smile for anyone else.
But when he saw the mark, he knew it was too late.
Once again, the Goddess had meddled in his life.
She bound his mother to a life of loneliness and pain.
She drove her to kill herself.
She forced him to betray his heart.
She bound Alice to someone else.
That was why he stayed at the Dark Queen’s side even after knowing she was not his mother. Because the Goddess had messed everything up, she was the cause of all that had gone wrong in his life.
So, if the Dark Queen wanted to destroy all that the Goddess had built and all those that revered her, he was only too happy to help.
“Even without the Goddess,” Axel growled, yanking Roman back from his thoughts. “Even without me, Alice would never have loved you!”
The anger spread across Roman’s face, and he let out a roar as he stabbed Axel again.
He hated this stupid boy. Every word from his mouth filled Roman with rage. Every mention of Alice’s name made him want to slit his throat.
There was no hope left in Roman’s heart. He knew that Alice would never smile at him. Even more, he knew the Dark Queen would eventually kill her or force him to.
The stupid boy was right. Roman knew that Alice would never blame Axel for killing her. Instead, she would know immediately who was responsible. Who infected her mate, who ordered him to kill her.
If Alice was going to die anyway, she might as well die thinking of him.
Hating him, cursing him, remembering him.