641 I’m Tired
“I.. owe you?” Alice asked, looking at Ashleigh with visible confusion.
“I saved your life at the lab and with the Dark Queen,” Ashleigh stated. “So help me. Take me to Spring.”
Alice pursed her lips and closed her eyes. She took a slow deep breath through her nose and let it back out.
“If you want to get down and dirty. Count up our tabs to see who really owes who. We can do that….” Alice said. “But let me make myself perfectly clear. I am not taking you to Spring.”
Ashleigh gritted her teeth angrily. She should have known it was no use asking Alice for help. She didn’t give a damn about Caleb.
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“No, but I am probably one of the only ones still living,” Alice replied. “And I am certainly the only one here in Winter.”
“Then I’ll just get a scout to get me in and go on my own from there,” Ashleigh sighed.
“You’ll get yourself killed if you do that.”
“Then help me!” Ashleigh growled.
“I am helping you,” Alice sighed. “Spring is a death trap. Even without the fae and rogues, that place is filled with ways to die at every step if you don’t know where you are going.”
“Why are you trying to stand in my way!” Ashleigh shouted angrily. “If you aren’t going to help me, then just leave me alone.”
“You came to me,” Alice replied. “And I am not trying to stand in your way, Ashleigh. I am trying to keep you alive.”
“That was my mistake. I don’t know why I thought you might actually care about someone other than yourself,” Ashleigh huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head with frustration.
After a short silence, Alice spoke.
“Ashleigh,” Alice said calmly. “I am trying to be understanding right now.”
Ashleigh furrowed her brow, swallowing as she heard the soft but dark tone beneath Alice’s words.
“I am trying to be patient and kind with you. Because I know that you’re hurting. I know you are fighting so hard to keep from suffocating in the pain eating away at you every waking moment and probably in your dreams too.”
Ashleigh clenched her jaw and lowered her eyes.
“But as I have tried to tell you before,” Alice said, her voice shifting to an angry whisper. “You are not the only one that feels pain, anger, regret, and mistreatment.”
Silence fell between them. Alice took in another sharp breath and lowered her head.
“I have two lives growing inside of me,” she continued. “Depending on me for their nourishment, security, everything.”
Alice looked up at Axel, and she smiled sadly.
“It’s exhausting,” she whispered as a tear fell from her eye. “I’m tired. I want to sleep. But I’m afraid that if I do, I will wake to find him gone.”
Ashleigh wiped the silent tears that wet her cheeks as she listened.
“All the energy I have is for my family. For them, and for him.” Alice smiled, reaching out and touching Axel’s cheek affectionately.
Alice sniffled and sat up straight.
“I have nothing left to coddle you with, Ashleigh,” she said. “I won’t tell you to move on. I won’t tell you to grieve. I would never ask you to give up hope.”
Alice sighed, and Ashleigh could see that she genuinely was tired.
“But I will tell you to keep your pain from hurting others.”
Suddenly Ashleigh felt the fires of her anger come to life. Wiping away the last of the tears she had shed for Alice. She stood tall and stared down at Alice.
“I haven’t hurt anyone,” Ashleigh growled. “All I have done is tried to find my husband!”
“Three weeks,” Alice said. “Axel has been in this room, in that bed, for three weeks.”
Alice looked up at Ashleigh with a cold gaze.
“How many times have you come to check on him?”
Ashleigh swallowed.
“None,” Alice whispered. “Not even today.”
Her chest felt thick and heavy, like something sat on it. It was getting harder to breathe.
“He… he has you…” she forced the words to her lips. “He’s going to be fine.”
“So will you,” Alice said after a short pause.
Ashleigh felt the pressure on her chest ease, but she held tight to the anger.
“Yea, I will,” Ashleigh replied with a nod. “When I find Caleb.”
She turned to leave the room but was stopped by Alice’s next words.
“Caleb would not want you to go to Spring,” she said.
Ashleigh paused, her hand hovering over the handle of the door. But she didn’t say anything.
“Putting your life, or anyone else’s, at risk without knowing it is necessary. Caleb would not agree to that plan.”
“You think I don’t know my mate?” Ashleigh growled.
“I think you are beginning to get desperate,” Alice replied. “And that is dangerous, Ashleigh. You can’t do this alone.”
Ashleigh took a deep breath.
“I’m not doing this alone because I want to,” she sighed. “I’m doing it alone because no one will help me.”
Ashleigh pulled open the door and left the room.
Alice didn’t bother calling out or chasing after her. She was too tired for these games. Ashleigh was struggling, and no one could blame her. Even Alice wasn’t really upset with her for not checking on Axel.
But Ashleigh was childish in her emotions. She couldn’t see past herself. Sometimes she needed to be reminded that others suffered. That others felt pain. That others also clung to hope for a miracle.
Axel was here. He was recovering. But until he woke up, he was still in danger.
Alice couldn’t pretend to know exactly how Ashleigh felt, nor did she want to. Though she caught herself glancing toward the door and briefly entertaining the idea of going after the girl, she knew she couldn’t.
Not because of Axel or even the babies. But because Ashleigh wouldn’t actually let her or anyone else help.
Things for Ashleigh were only going to get worse, and she, or more likely someone else, was going to get hurt.