680 I Didn’t Even Think To Try
Stefan had spent two weeks in the hospital after returning to Winter. Alice had sat with him for a few hours each day.
The first week he was asleep through her visits, but she would still read to him or tell him about her day. Sometimes Sadie would come with her, and they would take turns talking to Stefan or chatting amongst themselves.
Alice thoroughly enjoyed hearing Sadie talk about her Dad and Daddy. Once or twice the men had been in the room as Sadie spoke of them. When Sadie called them by their new titles, Alice had seen Myka’s warm and proud smile. And though he tried to hide it, she had also seen Peter’s shy, equally proud smile.
Seeing how well they all got along warmed her heart. Alice had known for a long time that Sadie belonged with them. Peter had become attached to Sadie almost the moment he met her, even though he didn’t realize it himself.
Alice had never worried that Myka would not connect with Sadie. He connected with everyone. But Sadie was special, and she knew that both these men would be able to see that in her and cherish it.
Alice had not, however, predicted that Stefan would also see that special quality in Sadie. So it was a welcome surprise when she saw how close they had become. And then how close he had grown to Peter and Myka.
The orphans from the war and the lab were all important to her. Teaching them, helping them heal, and finding suitable families for them had become a passion for her.
But Sadie and Stefan would always hold a special place in her heart.
She and Sadie shared a painful past that bonded them in a way no one else could understand, though Myka came close.
Stefan had been devoted to Alice since she found him in Autumn. They had gone through a lot together that night, a connection that could not be shaken.
It was hard for her to watch him sleep, knowing his body was filled with pain. But day by day, he could stay awake a little bit longer.
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Stefan had suffered, and his pain was still very real. His scars would remain for the rest of his life. But still, he smiled and laughed with her as though he were only in the hospital for a brief checkup. He asked about the twins and even made a few suggestions for names, promising that he would personally protect them throughout their life.
“I thought you were going to be a scout?” Alice asked.
“I am,” Stefan replied brightly, “but I can still protect your twins!”
Alice smiled and nodded.
“I have no doubt,” she said, reaching out and touching his cheek. “You are a brave young man. I knew that the moment I met you.”
Stefan smiled and then looked away.
“I wouldn’t be anything without you,” he said quietly. “I would have died that night if you had just decided to walk away.”
Alice sat up. Every once in a while, Stefan spoke like this. But generally, he had been working through most of the trauma from the night they escaped Autumn.
“Have you been having nightmares again?” she asked.
Stefan swallowed and nodded.
“I keep seeing my sister,” he said softly. “How she looked at me before she went up the stairs.”
Alice reached out, taking his small hand in hers. Stefan looked up at her sadly.
“I think she already knew she wasn’t coming back,” he sighed.
Alice squeezed his hand.
“Your sister was courageous,” she whispered. “What happened to her never should have happened, but she did her best to protect you.”
Stefan nodded and lowered his gaze, but Alice could see there was more troubling him.
“Stefan,” she called to him.
He looked up into her eyes, and she smiled.
“You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
Stefan nodded.
“What else is on your mind?” she asked.
He licked his lips and took a breath.
“Do you think…” he began, pausing and swallowing before he asked, “my sister would be mad at me?”
Alice furrowed her brows.
“What? What do you mean?”
He looked down into his lap.
“When that man came… I didn’t do anything. When she went up the stairs, she looked at me with that scared smile… I didn’t do anything.”
His voice was soft and shaky. Alice moved forward in her chair. She put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently.
“Stefan, listen to me,” she said. “Your sister did not want you to do anything. She was trying to protect you. There was nothing you could have done. If you had tried, the only thing that would have been different is that she would have had to watch you die first.”
Stefan nodded.
“I know…” he said softly.
“If you know, then why do you think she would be mad at you?” Alice asked softly.
Stefan sniffled.
“Because… I didn’t even think to try…” he said. “But, when Sadie…”
His voice cracked, and he sniffled again. He paused and chewed his lips between his teeth. Then, after a few moments, he took a slow breath and continued.
“When Sadie told us to run, I saw that look… I knew she wasn’t running with us….” His voice was shaky. “And I went after her. I knew I couldn’t do anything… but I still tried.”
He let out a sob.
“She was my sister, and I did nothing… wouldn’t she hate me for trying to save Sadie?” he asked through soft tears and a cracking voice.
Alice wiped the tear from her eye and took a slow breath. She stood from the chair and moved to sit on the bed, pulling him into her arms for a gentle hug. Stefan released a soft hiss at the touch against his wounds, but he did not pull away.
“I didn’t know your sister,” Alice whispered, holding him. “But I think… rather than being mad at you, she would be very happy to know you have found a family that loves you. That you love. I think that she would be proud of how brave and strong you are. But most of all, she would be glad you’re still here.”
Stefan let out his tears and held tight to Alice. She kissed his head and hummed an old tune from the broken memories of her mother.
After a few minutes, Stefan pulled away, telling her he felt better and thanking her for listening. Alice wiped his face and smiled. Then, she returned to her chair, and they continued talking about lighter subjects for a while.
But as Alice got up to leave, Stefan asked her a surprising question.
“I will see you tomorrow,” Alice smiled just before she reached the door.
“Alice,” Stefan called out.
She looked back, still smiling.
“Yes?”
Stefan met her eyes and held her gaze.
“Is Ashleigh to blame for what happened in Moonguard?”