Chapter 80 Friend Zoned
"I will not waste your time. I have had this feeling for a long time back and I just can't hold it in anymore. Bai Renxiang, you mean so much to me. I do not know how to say it since I have never experienced anything like this before I met you, but here it goes," Yi Minsheng took in deep breaths, and then let it all out.
"I have feelings for you," he confessed.
GBAGHAN
Silence, shock, disbelief, you name. Bai Renxiang is in a state of emotional unrest. She is in turmoil.
"What did...you..just s-sa-say?" Bai Renxiang asked- not sure of what she just heard. Maybe her mind is playing tricks on her due to her tiredness from work. She must be hearing things.
"I...I said I have feelings for. I...I love... you," Yi Minsheng stammered.
"I love you, Bai Renxiang. I have this huge crush on you and that has turned into my heart beating everytime I see you. Your emotions is directly proportional to mine, everytime I see you," he continued.
"I have never had the guts to tell you this but, now I have, I will say it with the most sincerest part of my heart," Yi Minsheng paused as he looked into her eyes, her face trying not to miss any emotion that might or may turn up.
"Bai Renxiang, will you please be my girlfriend? I really love you. A lot and I love Bai Xiaojin too. Can you give me a chance? Can you give us, a chance?" Yi Minsheng asked with so much desperation laced in his voice and his eyes.
Bai Renxiang's head began to spin.
'Did he just- did Yi Minsheng just say he loves me? No no no. He can not say that? Like, how can he possibly like me? A mother of a three year old whose father I do not know? What does he see in me?' Bai Renxiang eyes were still as wide as a flying saucer.
Her quietness, her absentmindedness, her body language, everything scared Yi Minsheng. The seconds ticking by felt like ages. He was dying to get an answer from her, his crush, the woman he has come to love.
"Renxiang? Are you okay?" He asked in a low concerned voice. When she did not say anything, he made an attempt to comfort her.
"I understand that this...all this confessing if my feelings to you took you by surprise. But, I just want you to know that you do not have to give me an answer now. You can think it through and tell me what you feel later on. No rush or pressure, okay?" He held her trembling hands in his warm big one. He smiled lightly at her.
Bai Renxiang sighed. In her mind, within herself, she knew that she harboured no such feelings for him. But he can not read minds, so guess she has to let him know, with her words.
"Minsheng, I am so sorry but....I do not feel...the same. I do not have feelings for you. I do not....love...you," she struggled with her words. She was trying so hard to let him down easily, in a way that he will not feel too...hurt.
"Oh," was all he could say. His mood had turned sour. His expression showed how disappointed he is. B
But why is he feeling disappointed? It is not like Bai Renxiang hinted him of her, having feelings for him since their almost three years of knowing each other.
"Look Minsheng, you are a great guy with a big heart. Most girls will dream of being with you-"
"What about you? I do not care about other girls. I care about you. Do you not see me like others do? Their dream kind of guy? Do you not dream of being with me?" Yi Minsheng interrupted her words.
"No, Minsheng. I do not. The thing is, I am not like other girls. I see you in a different way. I see you as a good friend. A very good one at that," she said softly but she did not try to sugar coat her words that much. All that Bai Renxiang said was the plain truth of how she felt about him, Yi Minsheng.
"I do not want anything more than friendship from you, Minsheng. I can't give you any chance. I can't give us, anything chance. In fact, there is no chance. I gave up on that since a long time ago. Chances be damned. I am done with giving chances," she said in a self mocking tune.
Thanks yo someone, she had lost all hope of chances.
"I am sorry for not reciprocating your love. But the truth is, I do not have the will and heart to love. Not anymore. I do not deserve to be loved by you either," she said with shaky breath.
"Do not say such things about yourself Renxiang. Everyone deserves to be loved," Yi Minsheng said.
"Like I said before Yi Minsheng. I am not like others. Instead of wasting your time on me, waste it on someone more desert. Someone who can reciprocate your love. Someone who would love you more than you love yourself," she advised.
"Find that someone because it is definitely and can never be me. We can only be friends and that is it. I do not want our friendship to get awkward because of this," she patted his left shoulder.
"Thank you for the ride though. Take care on your way back home. Good night," she smiled slightly before alighting the car.
"Bai Renxiang," Yi Minsheng called out before she left.
"Hmm."
"Please think of it. I really love you. Just, please. Think it over. Tell me you will think about it," his pleaded brokenly. His vision getting blur due to the tears that had gathered on his starry night sky eyes.
"I am sorry Yi Minsheng. I can't tell you that. I do not want to raise your hopes."