Chapter 19
Chapter 19
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*T/N: My gosh this chapter is overly sweet. I’m dying 😊
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I was wearing a dress that Marianne recommended, but it wasn’t good.
It bothered me so much that I had to cover my chest with my hand.
It was the most revealing dress I’ve ever worn. It had an off-the-shoulder style and a deep v-neck.
When Marianne first handed me this dress, I was shocked. It was a dress that Achaia ladies would not wear even to an evening party. But Marianne told me that this was the design that was popular in the Empire these days.
And that was why Kwanach always wore clothes that revealed his chest. It felt strange because I lived in the north where we were more modest.
“This dress doesn’t suit me.”
Kwanach sighed heavily as I mumbled quietly in embarrassment.
He ruffled his hair and sat down next to me. The bed shook as he sat down.
“It suits you.”
“It does..?”
“But it’s a problem because it looks good on you.”
Kwanach stared at me intensely. The distance between us was no more than two fingers. Our arms and shoulders didn’t rub against each other, but we were close enough that our body scent and body temperature could be felt in the air.
As I sat close to Kwanach on the bed, my body stiffened naturally. If Kwanach decides to do it, he can overpower me with one hand.
Kwanach said, looking at me with quiet eyes.
“I told you not to be so comfortable in front of me, didn’t I?”
“Next time, I will tell my maids not to prepare such clothes.”
Kwanach bit his lip.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”
“What do you want to do…..?”
“Are you seriously asking me that? I think you’d be surprised. I can answer if you want.”
“No.You don’t have to answer.”
I shook my head hastily. I could hear Kwanach’s rough breathing.
No matter how ignorant I was, I could instinctively sense what Kwanach wanted right now.
Kwanach said with a suppressed voice.
“How are you feeling?”
“My body is tired from being in an unfamiliar place, but that’s all. There’s no pain in any part of my body.”
I made a weak face to maintain my lie about my weak health.
“I think I’m feeling a little sick. We’ve traveled a long way, my body is aching.”
Kwanach wrinkled his brow.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Shall I call the Imperial physician right now?”
“No, it’s okay. I’m not that sick….”
It was embarrassing just to think about showing this strange room to the Imperial physician.
“I think I just need to rest.”
“I heard that you looked around the main palace today. You’re not in good health. Please stay in your room if you can.”
“Yes…….”
“A sick person waited for me in such inconvenient clothes? There is no need to do that.”
Kwanach let out a low sigh.
“It’s not like I don’t have enough self control to attack a sick person.”
Perhaps I was not very good at pretending to be weak. Still, Kwanach believed and spoke with consideration for me.
For a moment, my chest tightened with pain. How could this man be so kind? Guilt and confusion welled up in my heart at the same time.
I hesitated, then averted my gaze from Kwanach and said,
“I’m sorry. Unlike you, I don’t know much about it.”
“Unlike me? Unlike what?”
“It’s the thing that happens between a man and a woman. You said that I would have my wedding night when I wanted to, but I don’t know how to do that because it’s an area I don’t know in the first place. …….”
“I think you just have to follow your body, even if your head doesn’t know. Besides, my circumstances are not that different from yours.”
“What?”
“You’re my first.”
“……”
“It means I haven’t had intimate relations yet.”
“…… Why?”
I was so surprised that I couldn’t help but ask,
“Why not?”
I couldn’t imagine that Kwanach was sympathetic.
How could the women of the empire let a man like him go unnoticed?
Besides, Kwanach was a man who could have any women and bring them to his bedchamber.
It was then that I suddenly thought of what Kwanach had said to me when we first met.
Lovemaking should be between a man and a woman in a love relationship.
So Kwanach has never loved anyone before?
I seemed to have found another common ground between us. Kwanach crumbled his face and said,
“Do you like experienced men? I’d match you if I could, but that’s a bit of a problem.”
A hint of frustration shone in Kwanach’s eyes.
“No, I’m just a little surprised. I thought you had experience.”
“Are you disappointed?”
“Of course not.”
“I just want to make it clear that I have no problem with my tolerance functioning. My libido is normal.”
“No……you don’t have to explain that to me. I’m sure you do.”
“Good.”
Kwanach took a breath and continued.
“I just didn’t want to sleep with a woman I didn’t love.”
People saved their first experience for the one they would come to love with all their heart. I knew this to some extent, but this man was truly a romantic person.
I grew up watching Diaquit invite concubines into his bedroom, without even including the Crown Princess, and I was increasingly surprised and unfamiliar with Kwanach. Of course, it was a positive surprise.
“I’m still surprised every time you say this.”
“Why?”
Kwanach’s dark brows furrowed.
“You’re too serious. You’re so …normal”
“I don’t know if it’s positive or negative.”
“It meant good, Kwanach.”
Kwanach leaned towards me, and we made eye contact.
“Good. I wasn’t going to hold any other woman but you in the first place.”
“…….”
The light from the chandelier hanging from the ceiling illuminated Kwanach from behind.
Warm shades of color. Those black eyes staring at me had been scary at first, but now they seemed gentle. Not black like iron, but black like a peaceful night.
I wondered if the fact that I was with him in what would become my home, not on the road or on the sea, had loosened me up.
Suddenly, I wanted to show this serious man my true feelings.
I parted my lips slowly, staring at Kwanach.
“Before I met you, I had a prejudice against you that I didn’t even know I had. You’re the emperor who started the revolution, so naturally I thought you’d be rough.”
“I see.”
“I thought you didn’t like me.”
“Why?”
“Because it was a political marriage. You’ve never even seen me in person. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t have much confidence.”
“For me, I …….”
Kwanach swallowed a gulp and spoke in a low voice.
“I like you very much.”
I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything spontaneous.
I felt like a ball of fire had come down my throat and was stuck near my heart. Everything from my face to my lungs burned.
It sounded as if Kwanach wanted me, not my blood or my power, but myself. Even though it wouldn’t be like that.
I replied, barely keeping my composure.
“Good, I like you too, Kwanach. You’re much better than I imagined.”
Just like me, Kwanach was silent for a while.
The atmosphere flowed strangely. When the silence became stuffy, Kwanach opened his mouth.
“May I hold your hand?”
“Yes, hands. Anytime.”
Kwanach’s large hand crawled closer to the bed and completely covered the back of my hand. The heat enveloped my skin.
Kwanach looked me straight in the eyes and said,
“If you don’t mind, we can sleep like this.”
It took me a while to think before I understood what he meant. Then I asked,
“Oh. Are you planning to sleep here?”
“No? I just said we didn’t have to rush our relationship, but I didn’t say anything about using separate rooms. Isn’t it natural for a husband and wife to use the bedroom together?
“That’s right. …… But until now, you’ve always slept somewhere else.”
“When did I do that?”
Kwanach said, tilting his head.
“On the ship. You went to your cabin after I fell asleep, didn’t you?”
“I slept on the chair. I only went to my room for a while to change my clothes and wash.”
I gasped and brushed my lips a couple of times.
“You slept sitting on a chair? Why did you do that? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Unlike here, your bed on the ship was too small. You wouldn’t be able to rest if we were sleeping together.”
My heart thumped in my chest as he said he did so out of concern for me.
“Then why didn’t you just go to your guest room and rest?”
“Where would I go when you were sick in bed?”
In the end, he had to endure several days of inconvenience because of my lies.
I couldn’t believe he spent a few nights sitting on that uncomfortable little chair because of me. No one had done this much for me except my mother when I was little.
Why hasn’t it been known until now that Kwanach was such a caring man?
The books written about the revolutionary years of Kwanach, he was described only as a tough man, cold-hearted and unafraid of challenges. Even when I briefly talked to him in my previous life, I thought he was rough.
But upon reflection, I think I was mistaken by the intimidation that Kwanach’s appearance exuded.
I told Kwanach that I was sorry and bewildered at the same time.
“Thank you. I didn’t know you were uncomfortable for so many days.”
“Well, you don’t need to know. So what are you going to do today? Can I sleep in bed with you?”
“If I say no, you won’t sleep on the chair again, will you?”
“No?”
Kwanach’s dark eyebrows wrinkled.
“Oh, no. I’m just saying. You can sleep in bed now.”
“…… sounds good.”
Kwanach nodded in satisfaction. His fingers twitched as he was still holding my hand.
“But that dress. Isn’t it uncomfortable for you to sleep in?”
“Yes. I’m afraid so.”
“You can change into your nightgown.”
“Oh… Right here?”
Once again, Kwanach’s fingers twitched. An ambiguous silence fell between us.