134 The battle of emotions and promises
Ai shook hard. Her breasts were in Jun’s sight. The tip of his sharp nose and his lips teasingly hovered and kissed her skin, making her cling to his neck. Feeling the heat of his palm reaching out to cup her breast, she shuddered.
They wanted to stop. They wanted to discard this desire which was grappling them until they felt insane. They wanted to throw away these ambiguous feelings.
Neither of them wanted love to knock on their doors. Jun wanted to focus on Sky, and Ai resolved to give all her energy to her career. The emotion that had broken them apart in their past lives – they had no desire to bring it back to their lives and suffer again.
But they felt like moths getting drawn towards the same fire once again that had burned them miserably once before. So much that it led to their deaths.
Stop Jun…You have to stop…
A voice in his mind urged him to stop before it was too late.
But the voice in his heart threw him into a disarray, making his lips capture hers into a fiery kiss. His left hand held her head and his right hand gently massaged her breast as he dove in deeper into her mouth.
A soft moan escaped, pleasure invading Ai’s senses and covering her eyes with a misty layer of tears. The scorching heat from his body grasped her into its shackles from all sides. She craved it more and felt her lips moving in tandem with his. Her quivering hand held his face which he gripped tighter.
Jun parted and broke the kiss after a long time. He bit his tongue in order to stop himself from going any further but found himself dipping his head once again to mesh his tongue against hers. He groaned and his member twitched harder, making him firmly squeeze her breast even further. Ai bit her lip, feeling sensitive as the pleasure tingled and cascaded all up to her scalp.
A deep sigh of satisfaction escaped as he bit on her earlobe and proceeded to leave his teeth marks on her shoulder. His hand from her breast then traced her waist and reached her thighs.
Their hearts were in turmoil to push away from each other, but the fever rushing within didn’t allow them to end this intimacy. The fervor was more intense than the night in Jun’s condo.
But a battle was being fought.
“Stop…”
Jun’s forehead rested between her neck and shoulder, whispering and begging to himself to stop touching Ai. His hot and ragged breaths heated her neckline too.
“Stop…”
He was urging himself to put a brake on his actions, yet he couldn’t stop himself from caressing Ai’s face.
She lowered her head, slightly gasping. Watching a tiny teardrop wet his eyelash, her eyelids trembled. Her own feelings were not in her grasp either to the point that she began to resent herself for breaking the promise she made.
She lifted her hand to shake Jun’s fingers away from her cheek, but the warmth was so addicting that she gave up midway. Instead, she scooted closer to him, wishing to engulf herself as he surrounded her by all sides.
Ai, you are an idiot…You are really an idiot…
I wanted to stop Jun. I really wanted to. Then why did I not? Why is this happening between us…?
The strife in Jun’s eyes was the same as Ai’s. Between their physical desire and their emotional resolve, they couldn’t seem to find an answer that extinguished this fire within them.
Their determination was wavering. They knew what the onset of these emotions meant, but they were too afraid to accept it.
Because with one acceptance, the walls they built to keep love away from their hearts would come crashing down in an instant. It would crumble into dust, and they would lay bare. Vulnerable.
Jun softly kissed her cheek and let out a sad chuckle. Tears fell from his eyes, feeling helpless and furious.
“I…am a bastard, Ai,” he finally whispered after a long time.
Ai, whose moist eyes were shut, slowly opened, and she stared at him.
“I have no right to demand an answer from you. I have no right to do this to you…I am a…fucking bastard…” His brown pupils reddened, but he made no attempt to wipe his tears. His lips pinched together to form a wry smile.
His despair-filled laughter echoed inside her small bedroom.
“Ah…I don’t know how to look at myself in the mirror anymore,” he chuckled in disdain at himself. “I must be looking like such a hideous monster…Doing this to you…Really, I should just…disappear…”
Ai stared at Jun.
He was crying. After the New Year’s night, it was now that she witnessed him sobbing like a child. The distraught, the pain was so glaringly visible in his expression that it shredded her heart into pieces.
She stretched her arm and wrapped it around the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her chest. She cried along with him as she hugged him harder.
Jun trembled and embraced her naked back as his tears plopped on her breasts. They laid like that for a long, long time.
After an unknown amount of time passed by, Jun found his resolve to tear himself away from Ai. But his arms felt numb as he lacked the strength to support himself. Even so, he forced himself to get up and leave when Ai held his hand back.
He stiffened and waited. His heart pounded in his chest, anxious of what Ai had to say.
Ai loosely covered her chest with the towel and slowly sat upright. Her silence was eating away Jun’s sanity.
“You don’t have to say anything. I will-“
Suddenly, he took a noisy and sharp gasp, shuddering hard. He lowered his head and saw Ai’s dainty hand on top of his pants, touching his hardened member.
“…What are you doing?” He asked as he sat frozen like a block of ice.
Ai asked, unperturbed and composed, “What were you going to do about this?”