204 Ai's past (3)
Ai took several long minutes to calm down. Even if this was her second chance and her life was different than before with Jun by her side now, nevertheless she felt as if the wounds inflicted upon her were still fresh. They bled her heart and the old memories invoked the same grief which she tried so hard to overcome this time. The ignorance, the betrayal, the loss – was even heavier than what she felt at that night she fell.
The nauseous feeling within her settled down, feeling Jun’s gentle pats and his soft kisses on her forehead and cheek. He wiped the traces of tears off her face. As she felt relaxed, she said, “For four years, I didn’t hold my pen again for writing. Instead, Mom arranged a job for me in the university where she worked. She was retired, but she had connections. I became a professor in college and spent the next four years teaching, trying to forget everything I suffered,” her eyes stung, “It was hard, but Mom and Dad were there for me.”
There was silence for a beat. Jun then slowly said, “But you resumed writing again. You published one last book before…”
Ai nodded. Her dim and sorrowful gaze brightened for a few moments as she spoke, “I would never have had the courage. But there were two students in my class. They were a couple and when they read my book, they came to tell me how much they loved it,” she softly chuckled, “I was really shocked to know that somebody still read my books. But I felt so happy seeing their appreciation for my work. It was after so long that I had experienced that feeling…”
Jun shook.
“After much contemplation, I told them that I was MissImperfectlyFine. It was the first time I had revealed my identity.”
He widened his eyes in surprise, “Oh.”
“Yes. They were very sweet. We talked for hours. They wanted to know why I quit, but I couldn’t tell them the truth. I just made up an excuse. They really urged me to give writing another shot. At first, I declined. But they were really persistent,” she helplessly shook her head. “In the end, it was them who gave me the courage, and I decided to write a book which would reflect my life in it. Just like how I wrote my short story.”
“I see…”
“I told my Mom and surprisingly, she wasn’t against it. She advised me to do what I felt was right. Dad was worried but overall, he supported me too. So, I began writing my draft. Around six months later, when I was a little more confident with my draft and my desire to go ahead, I thought of contacting Xing Bi. I wanted to let her know that I was writing another book. But…” she trembled and tears flew once again.
“H-Hey what happened?” Jun was bewildered to see her crying.
She sobbed, and her lips quivered. “I came to know that X-Xing Bi was no more.”
Jun stiffened. “What? She…”
“Yes. She died in a drunk driving accident. I couldn’t believe it. The one and only person who was dear to me left from my writing world was gone too. Xing Bi…left me, Jun. B-But I couldn’t understand how? She hates alcohol as her mother died because of it. She told me she swore never to touch alcohol. And she died through that? I couldn’t believe she would break her vow. I know life was tough, but I also know that she wasn’t the one to succumb to her pain. I felt restless and after much thinking, I approached a private investigator. But there was nothing much to lead on.”
Her heart pricked as if stabbed by thorns. “I didn’t even get to be there at her funeral…I didn’t get to see her one last time,” she burst into tears, her heart breaking into immense sorrow.
“Ssh…” Jun was continuously brushing his palm along her hair, but her tears that gushed out of her eyes refused to stop. The pain of losing Xing Bi had struck her the hardest.
She drew in deep breaths. “It was then that I finally decided. I would complete my book and dedicate it to Xing Bi in her honor and respect. Any last doubts in my heart vanished after she passed away. Parallely, I asked my investigator to keep working on her case because somewhere in my heart, I couldn’t accept the reason behind her death. Since I wasn’t a part of Dream High or any publishing company anymore, I self-published my book after it was complete. I didn’t expect much, but it became a huge success.”
Jun felt proud. “Of course. My Ai is the best.”
She softly smiled, and her gaze seemed faraway. “I returned to Beijing for a few days, partly because I wanted to collect Xing Bi’s things and partly because my investigator wanted to meet me. That evening, I stepped into Dream High for the first time in five years. I didn’t want to, but I just wanted to check if they still kept any of Xing Bi’s stuff in storage after she left or threw it away. If they had, then I wanted to take her things with me. The staff said they did have a few things and asked me to collect it the next evening.
Until they packed the things, I went to the terrace where I usually liked to be during the time I worked there. I liked to spend my time there to take a breath of fresh air and watch the city from above. It was then that…Guiying and Yating came to meet me. Guiying was drunk, and Yating was in disbelief to see me after a long time.”
She clenched her fists. “Then you know what happened. Guiying cried and blamed me for stealing everything from her. Her career, her brother’s affection and the man she loved. She was too agitated and pushed me after which…my life came to an end that night.”