417 Call me Dad
Ai slightly widened her eyes. She couldn’t help but wonder what must have happened in his life for him to feel the need of having a second chance.
From the corridor, Jinhai looked down where Nana accompanied Xie Nuying in some taste testing as if in a trance. She seemed to be teaching Xie Nuying something which Jinhai thought must be about cooking.
“She holds everything and everyone together in this family. But more than everybody, she holds my heart and mind together. That was one reason I punched Jun. The very reason for my existence had disappeared…” his voice was grim, soft but faintly laced with sorrow.
“But it’s not only Nana why I punished Jun,” he looked back at Ai as if he encouraged her to speak her mind of whatever thoughts she had.
Ai took a thoughtful pause and slowly asked, “…Jin? That he died-“
“No. Jun…I know where he was coming from. His love for Shui was like my love for Nana. We cannot bear anybody snatching it away. So, I understand what effect the news of their wedding would have brought upon him. I even understand the momentary thought he had about killing Jin in a fit of anger. And I also understand that no matter how furious and hurt he was, he would never pull the trigger and take his own brother’s life. It was an accident.”
The air turned oddly silent.
Jinhai smiled. “He loved Shui but he could never hate his brother to the point of killing him in cold blood. Not Jin. I said before. Between the siblings, Jun and Jin were the closest. So, I didn’t punish Jun because his bullet killed Jin.”
There was one last reason which Ai knew would be true.
“His suicide?” She lowered her gaze and pursed her lips, “I know. I did scold Jun for taking away his life. I…I am not defending Jun, but his state of mind after Jin and Mrs. Liu’s death-“
Jinhai shook his head very slowly. “I am not talking about his suicide after Jin and Nana…died. I am talking about the moment when he held the gun to his temple in front of everyone. In front of his parents. In front of Nana. He wanted to kill himself in front of a mother who gave birth to him and raised him with nothing but love. He wanted to give up on his life in front of a father who might not be very vocal in expressing his love for his sons, nevertheless the father holds all his children very dear to him.”
Ai said nothing.
“Jun wanted us to see him die. The moment he would breathe his last. Ai,” his eyes swirled with an emotion which was as angry as it was helpless, “As parents who brought him into this world, the last thing we would want to see…is our son die in front of our eyes.”
His voice was choking and trembling which he was trying hard to hide. It felt like he was talking normally, but Ai could faintly sense the tremors in it as he spoke.
Jinhai lowered his gaze and stared at his palms. “The feeling of love slipping from your hands…I know that emotion. I have felt it in my past. I had almost lost Nana because of my mistakes. There is nobody in this world who would understand Jun and the pain he went through better than me. Do you know? Nana was initially supposed to marry my cousin, Jianyu.”
Her lips parted, stunned as he suddenly threw this fact to her. It took some time to process.
“Ch-Chen Zixin’s and Yunru’s father…?”
“The same man,” he smiled. “My cousin. My brother. If it was somebody else, I could fight. But how do you fight your own brother and family? Jun went through the same situation. That’s why I understand Jun’s struggles. And I always wondered to myself. If Nana had really married Jianyu, would I have killed myself? If I had lost her for real, would I have ended my existence?”
He exhaled a soft breath. “I wouldn’t because I have a family who loves me a lot. My parents, brother, grandma…they are all people who wouldn’t bear to see my dead body. For all the love I got from them, they don’t deserve to see their child dead. They didn’t raise me to be a coward and Nana and I…also haven’t raised our children to be one either.”
His palms trembled. “So when he confessed that he wanted to shoot himself, I was…just very disappointed in him. I thought, when did Jun become such a coward? When did love become so important for him that Nana and I didn’t matter anymore? Not even a little bit for him to wish to stay alive for our sake.”
Ai’s vision blurred with tears which she tried to hold onto.
“Then…Jin died in that scuffle, Nana died in the aftermath. I lost my son and wife. But Jun…chose to kill himself instead of facing reality. He ran away. I lost another of my children. And I got furious. Who did he,” he clenched his palms, “think he was to take his life lightly? Who did he think he was to take his parents’ feelings lightly? I punished Jun not because I feel he was responsible for Nana or Jin’s deaths. Nana would never blame him. I punished him for the decisions he made. I understand his pain of losing his love but that pales in comparison to seeing someone losing his life. Jun had no right to give that endless suffering to Nana and me.”
A long silence befell after which Ai bowed. “Please forgive me for the things I said to you on the banquet night, Mr. Liu. I didn’t know…the bigger picture you were looking at,” she trembled, feeling ashamed.
She might be right in some parts, but she couldn’t deny that Jinhai’s feelings as a father were completely valid. She felt a pat on his head, and she looked up to see Jinhai slightly smiling at her.
“Don’t apologize. You did make me realize that I had been in Jun’s place before, but I might have been too hard on him. I am glad you fought for him, and I am glad he found his second chance in you.”
Ai parted her lips but couldn’t form a response.
“Also, don’t call me Mr. Liu. Call me Dad. Same with Nana. Call her Mom. We are your parents as much as Mr. Zhou and Miss. Xie now,” he patted her head, “If you ever need me, you are always welcome to Liu villa or Liu Corps.”