625 The golden clock shows the past (9)
At her home, Guiying was in a similar state as Yating, devastated and hopeless. She had buried herself in her room, hugging her knees to her chest and trembling hard as the sight of Ai’s fall refused to leave her mind. The only nightmares that greeted her sleep were that of Ai’s death.
“I killed Ai. I killed Ai. D-Did I really kill Ai? I-I really pushed her…?”
Her body shivered harder and her tears fell fiercer. Whenever she looked at her hands, all she could see was blood on them as if she was a murderer.
“No…No, no! I…I…didn’t want to push her…I didn’t want Ai to die…”
“Stop it already! You didn’t kill her!”
‘Guiying’ within her lashed out, unable to bear Guiying torturing and blaming herself. “Get it through your thick head! You didn’t kill her! You pushed her because you were agitated, not because you wanted to murder her! You didn’t know that the railing would fall off. How is it your fault-“
“Stop! Stop! Stop!” Guiying shut her eyes and ears crying hard. She knew what her alter ego would say but even though she wanted to believe in her words, she couldn’t. She couldn’t just brush off Ai’s death as an accident when it were her hands that had pushed her.
She was so ashamed of herself that she couldn’t gather the courage to meet Ai’s parents even once. She wanted to owe her blunder, but her legs felt numb to take even a step forward. Ever since that night she had been trembling and crying in her room all alone, feeling she was going crazy.
But another huge storm barged into her house in the form of an angry Cai Lingyun who was just as shocked and miserable over Ai’s death. He kicked the door open and immediately grabbed her by her hair, his eyes and expression fuming with black smoke of fury.
Apart from Yating, he was the only one who came to know later that Ai had last met up with Guiying because Guiying had herself confessed this in a state of imbalance.
“You killed Ai! You fucking killed Ai!”
An excruciating pain shot up in her scalp and she yelped but Cai Lingyun’s outrage was beyond control. “I loved her so much. I loved Ai so much…But you pushed my Ai? How dare you!!”
He slapped her hard on her cheek, making Guiying fall on her knees. Her eyes watered, her heart pounded faster.
“Why did you have to kill Ai!? Why!? What did she do to you!” He clutched her neck and dug his fingers in her skin, choking her hard. “You snatched my Ai away from me, Guiying…My own sister snatched my love from me! Are you really my sister or my enemy!”
He pushed her on the floor and kicked her body in a fit of rage. “You know what? I don’t care if that other person comes out today…” he gasped and breathed harder, “that other crazy woman who threatens me and protects you. I don’t fucking care because you killed Ai! You killed Ai, Guiying!”
Guiying writhed in pain on the floor and naturally, ‘Guiying’ fought hard to take control of her body but she didn’t let her. She didn’t let her possess her mind and body even though she could feel ‘her’ burning resentment in her heart.
For the first time in her life, Guiying felt like she didn’t need nor did she deserve any protection. If Cai Lingyun wanted to hit her, then she held no qualms.
I killed Ai…
Cai Lingyun let out his anger in the form of his physical abuse as he gritted and gnashed his teeth. “You were nowhere near Ai, Guiying! Did you fucking let your success in your head that you thought that you were greater than Ai? Never! Did you push her because you felt jealous of her? But it was useless because you could never compare to her!”
She froze. She parted her lips but couldn’t make a sound. Guilt, remorse, shame, regret – every emotion took root in her heart. But the feeling to know that she was always lesser than Ai in her brother’s eyes crushed her anew every single time even after all these years.
Her body suffered his kicks and beatings, but her heart felt too barren to feel the pain. Cai Lingyun left the house after taking out all his anger on her for the day, but she knew he would be coming back again. Tomorrow, the day after and the next…His violence after losing Ai forever was never going to end.
She tremblingly supported herself and stared at the purple bruises forming on her skin. Her phone lit with continuous calls from Zhan Yahui, but she didn’t receive any of them.
Guiying vacantly opened her cupboard and took out a photo album. It had pictures of those innocent days when they were in high school. When competition and comparison hadn’t crept in her heart yet.
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Those were such good days…
Why couldn’t we remain friends like that, Ai?
Ah I am so foolish…
It’s my fault…It was always my fault…
I snatched Yating from you first and now I snatched your life from you too…
I am…unforgivable.
Guiying kept the photo album back and shakily unlocked her phone. She ignored all text messages, including Zhan Yahui’s. Steeling her heart, she read the news circling on social media which was all filled with not only Ai but also the deaths of Liu family sons.
Her blurred gaze slowly widened as she read the names of Jin’s accident and Jun’s suicide. Then it was flashed everywhere how Ai committed suicide instead of any accident occuring.
She clearly remembered how her alter ego had threatened Shui. Was it that one action that took Jin and Jun’s lives? Not just theirs but also Nana’s who couldn’t bear the grief of losing her two sons.
The phone fell from her hands, and her body shook even more fervently than before.
How many people…have I killed?