64 Are you scared of me too?
A sharp silence descended in the air. Jun winced. The chilly air didn’t prick him as much as Shui’s words did.
“You are afraid of me?” He asked in a flat voice.
Shui softly gasped. Only she knew how hard it was on her. But she couldn’t stop it anymore. He needed to know how he made her feel even if it hurt him. It was why she refrained from talking about this to Jun. He wasn’t just her boyfriend but her childhood friend too. It was a delicate relationship, and this confrontation would have ended both friendship and love between them.
Even though we broke up, there was a chance we could have remained friends, Shui bit her lip. But this destroys everything, doesn’t it?
She didn’t answer.
Jun brushed his fingers along his cheeks to wipe off the wetness from it. Yet the more he tried, the more fruitless his efforts were.
“Ah…I scare you. I never knew.”
This was the first time Jun realized this because in his past life, they never had this confrontation. Until the last moment, Shui and Jin didn’t speak of it so as to not hurt him.
“I thought I was treating you well. But who knew I was scaring you instead? Was that why it was so easy to discard me?”
“Jun it’s-“
“No, it’s okay,” he chuckled, “The truth is out finally. I, who was supposed to protect the woman I love, was terrifying her.”
It was the harshest truth to bear.
“Your lover should make you feel safe in a relationship. But I didn’t realize I failed in it. You were scared of me…” he laughed loudly, “Oh God, you were scared of me. Why?” He faced her with a lifeless gaze. “Did you think I would hit you? O-or I would lock you up in some dark room? Or that I won’t allow you to meet anybody? Did you feel that I will turn into some psycho lover?”
Shui furiously shook her head. “That’s not it…”
He tilted his head. “Did you really feel that…I would hurt the woman I loved so much?”
She could see her breath forming a white mist in the freezing weather as tears continued to stream down.
Jun ever so slowly stretched his palm to hold her cheek. But he withdrew the next moment.
“But Jin isn’t like that, right? He is gentle and so caring. Right…we are really different in how we treat someone. Seems that in the end, everybody would prefer Jin more. Oh yeah. You remember, it was always like that in our childhood. People were always more comfortable with Jin than me. I was cold and unapproachable, and he was so sunny and affable. I never cared about that stuff because I thought that y-you…” he heaved with grief, “accepted me the way I was. The world didn’t matter to me. But I didn’t know that wanting to be with you would be so scary to you.”
He chuckled in sorrow. “All I ever did was love you. But I scared you…I scared you…”
He was mumbling more to himself now rather than talking to Shui.
“Jun-“
“Leave.”
She stopped in her steps.
“Please…leave,” there was no emotion and no warmth in his voice.
Shui silently let her tears flow. She found herself unable to move. She watched Jun collapse on his knees, his handsome face stained with moistness. Tremblingly, she turned on her heels and taking small steps, she disappeared into the cold night.
Jun remained kneeling on the ground. The frosty winds dried up his tears. His dark brown irises were too tired to cry any longer.
Scary…scary…scary…
No wonder she fell for Jin. He is not scary. I am…
Amidst the icy silence, Jun heard someone’s soft footsteps. They stopped at an arm’s distance away from him.
Jun raised his head and watched a trembling Ai crying in front of him. Her eyes were puffy, and her chest heaved as her tears plopped on the ground.
After leaving Dream High, Ai had been alone for a long time as she cried out all her pain. She was sure that rejecting Yating would be easy. It would be easy to be indifferent to him after his betrayal. But as she peered into those loving eyes once again, she felt herself waver. She was close to accepting his confession yet again.
She felt stupid.
I know what is going to happen and still I…I am such an idiot.
It took all of her strength to push him away. It took a heavy toll on her emotionally, so she couldn’t immediately return to Jun’s condo.
When she calmed down, she realized it had been too late. She had planned an enjoyable evening with Jun, but it had gone to waste.
Jun will be angry at me…
When she rushed home, she heard loud voices coming from the garden.
Ai frowned.
Who is Jun arguing with?
As she peeked through the gate, she saw a woman. For the first time she saw Shui’s face. For some reason, she felt oddly familiar to Ai.
Her back…she looks like the woman from the coffee shop that day…
Ai instinctively hid near the bushes outside the gate. From the beginning to the end, she heard everything. The tears that Ai tried so hard to stop after meeting Yating came gushing down once again.
Now she stood in front of Jun, who looked broken and in despair. He was blankly staring back at her. His eyes lost their light.
His lips curled into a smile which then broke into a disdainful laughter. “Why are you crying, Ai?”
Ai felt it difficult to breathe.
“What’s wrong? Oh. You heard everything.”
She said nothing.
“Tell me, Ai. Are you scared of me too?”
Ai shook her head. But Jun didn’t see her reaction.
His painful chuckles grew louder. “Ah, you are scared of me too. Just like Shui. See? You are shaking so much. Look at you quivering.”
He placed his palm on the ground and got up supporting himself somehow. He walked closer to her until her face was only a few inches away from her.
“Confess it, Zhou Ai. You are scared of me, right?”