658 To forgive yourself
“I don’t have anyone like that, Grandma. Besides, I am just focusing on learning business from Dad right now. I don’t have the time,” Jin was quick to answer.
He seemed calmed and unaffected by the question and neither could anybody read his rattled emotions if he had any towards Shui.
Liu Chunhua squeezed his ear. “Work is important but so is finding your life partner. Don’t be lazy about that.”
He grinned. “I can take my time, Grandma. My four other brothers and sister have found their soulmate. I don’t really have to hurry, do I?”
“Well you don’t have to hurry but you can be on the lookout too,” she scolded.
“Haha, cool Grandma.”
His laughter might have fooled Liu Chunhua but not the others. They knew that something was off about the way Jin ignored Shui.
“Anyway, I gotta be ready for the office.”
He hopped up on his feet and went back to his room with slightly hurried steps.
—
“Jin.”
He turned and saw Jun walking towards him. The two cats were jumping and playing with each other as they followed him.
“Bro. What’s up?” He casually asked though he could read the question in Jun’s eyes.
“I just wanted to talk about what Grandma was asking you.”
He shrugged. “What is there to talk about?”
“You know what is there to talk about, Jin,” he sternly observed him. “Tell me the truth. Is there something you are hiding from me?”
The look of confusion marred his face. “Hide? What will I hide from you?”
“About how you still keep ignoring Shui. If everything, if our present has been sorted out now, if there is no threat to our future, then why are you…why aren’t you considering getting together with Shui?”
Jin held his gaze, not saying anything.
“Is it the guilt of your past life? You behaved recklessly with her to avenge the hurt she caused me. Is that what is stopping you, Jin? Are you not able to forgive yourself?”
Jin remembered the past life’s memories as if it was just yesterday. Everything that Shui did was to only protect Jun and his legacy. Whether it was marrying Jin to protect his life despite knowing that she would garner hate from everybody for the rest of her life or being the one to undertake the task of reviving Sky after his death – Shui had only and only ever thought about Jun. Her past rejection had hurt Jun but her future actions went up and beyond to pay for the pain she gave him.
And Jin had thought of and done every method possible to wound her and break her from within only to know that she didn’t deserve any of it.
Jin smiled. “You are right, Bro. It’s not so easy to forget. Shui might not know anything. It’s my choice too if I want to confess the past to her. She might come to hate me if I do. If I don’t, then she doesn’t have to know anything and we can be happy, right?”
Jun’s deep brown irises were filled with trouble. “Jin, look…” he held his shoulders and the urge in his voice was desperate to make him understand, “This is your second chance too. I was the one to snatch your life away from you and end your future with that. I don’t want you to keep getting wound up in the past and unable to move on. That’s not why we got this chance. We got it so that we find the happiness that we couldn’t in our past life. I understand you, Jin. Trust me, I do. I was the same as you. I thought I don’t deserve to be happy even with this second life. But Ai proved me wrong. She made me forgive myself.”
His palms slightly squeezed his shoulders. “And I want you to forgive yourself too, Jin. Please. I know your happiness is in Shui. Shui’s happiness is in you. You let go of her once because of me. I don’t want you to let go of her again because of the past this time. After all this time of grief and loneliness, I don’t want you to put yourself through it again. It’s fine if you want to take some time to heal and forgive. But don’t hide behind the past and lose Shui again.”
Jin smiled through his misty eyes. “Thanks Bro. I couldn’t be a good brother in the past but this-“
“No, idiot,” he tapped on his head. “It was me. I couldn’t be a good brother to you and a good son of this family.”
“I just…want to see you happy. I don’t want anything to take away that happiness from you once again.”
“I am happy, Jin. A lot. But it will only be complete when I see my brother find his happiness too.” Jun patted his head. “Don’t be harsh on yourself, Jin. Please think about Shui and you.”
—
‘Please think about Shui and you.’
Jun’s last request and the strain in his voice echoed in his mind as he silently sat in the church. There were some people around and some at the aisle but overall, there was peace and quiet.
Jin was seated somewhere on one of the middle benches and was staring into the empty space without a twitch in his expression.
A while later, the small crowd had also left the church, leaving Jin all alone. A minute later, he felt someone’s presence beside him.
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“Oh, I think it would be interesting to talk to you.”
“There is nothing interesting to talk to me about.”
“I beg to differ.”
Jin frowned and was slightly annoyed with the stubbornness. He took a glance at his side and noticed an elderly woman with a calm and mysterious smile on her lips.
He stared at her unblinkingly for a long while, eventually recognizing her. “You are that Grandma from before. The one who had Ai-chan…the cat and left her with me.”