Chapter 125 - Cognitive Dissonance
(Added after publication so you aren't charged for the words) 10 DAYS LEFT! Zev's Werewolf competition closes on 5 January. I know it's an expensive time, but ALL comments, votes, Golden Tickets, gifts, chapters/privilege through 5 January help! And I am planning a mass release for January to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
*****
~ SASHA ~
Zev sat quietly, staring around the circle, meeting eyes with each of the men. She could see the certainty in the way his shoulders were back and he met each set of eyes evenly, patiently. But she could also see his tension.
Would they believe him as much as he believed in himself?
Sasha turned her thoughts inward to her own heart and mind. Did she believe in him as much as he believed in himself?
And she found her answer was yes, but.
If she took away her embarrassment and fear of what others thought, if she put aside the doubts that rose in her own mind just because she saw them in the eyes of her mother and her friends… if she dismissed the fear of having to convince others that she wasn't crazy, the truth was, she did believe Zev. She believed that he hadn't wanted to leave her—or the Chimera—and that he had no intention of doing it again.
But the flipside of that truth was that he hadn't wanted, or planned to leave them the first time either.
Was it possible that this Nick, or the team of scientists the Chimera were familiar with, had some kind of control over him that he didn't even know about?
Was it possible that in this moment, under these circumstances, he had every intention of beating Xar as Alpha, claiming her, walking through this marriage rite, whatever it was, and saving the chimera from the humans? And that somehow these people would make him swerve from that?
That was what she feared, she realized.
She didn't doubt that Zev loved her. She never had. She doubted his ability to stay strong enough to protect their love.
And that thought made her want to weep.
Suddenly insecure, suddenly uncertain, she tried to lean subtly closer to him, to feel his warmth and strength and convince her body not to twist up in fear.
But she didn't want to draw the attentions of the other men. She didn't want to be some fawning woman who just hung all over her man like a leech.
She was a grown woman. She'd survived the past five years without Zev—whether she wanted to or not—and now that he was back, she didn't want to go back to the way she'd been before.
Back then, she'd just hung on his every word. She would have followed him anywhere. And he'd never taken advantage of that. He'd always kept her safe and never used his power against her.
But she didn't want to give that power back to him, she realized.
She didn't want to be in this strange world with these strange people and be no one but Zev's mate.
She wanted to… she wanted to have a life if he left again.
She swallowed hard, because admitting that meant admitting that he might leave again, and that thought opened a pit in her stomach. But one thing she'd tried so hard to do in the years since he'd left was to be honest with herself about herself.
She'd always known that Zev loved her, and she loved him. She'd also known no one else believed it after he left her.
And she knew why, as well. Because she questioned that part as well.
Love was all well and good… but how deep did it run if someone was able to just leave?
*****
~ ZEV ~
Everyone in the cave could scent Sasha's growing tension and unease. Under the circumstances, no one would judge it. But Zev was worried.
He tried to catch her eye multiple times, but she was looking down, staring into nothing, her mahogany hair falling between them like a curtain, the firelight sparking deep reds and golds in it. He took her hand again and she turned her chin slightly to look at where they were joined, their fingers entwined. She didn't resist touching him, which soothed his fear.
But she didn't look at him either. What was she thinking?
Not for the first time he cursed that she wasn't a wolf and couldn't share her thoughts with him. There were so many ways he could show himself to her, communicate. And she, already weaker, was restricted to so few.
"What's wrong?" he asked in her head again without taking his eyes off Lhars who was speaking to the others about how the humans worked, how all of them would need to handle communications until Zev had returned as Alpha and he and Sasha had completed the mating ritual.
She shook her head almost imperceptibly—to a human. The tiny movement would be a flashing light to the wolves, though they knew enough of humans to know she might make those movements simply in thinking to herself. He prayed the others would ignore it as a human strangeness and keep their focus on the discussion. But he could only keep half his mind on the words being spoken around that fire. And he couldn't afford that.
The next few days would literally determine the future of the Chimera. Their very existence if his suspicions were correct.
He almost shook his head, too.
Watching Xar submit to the humans, treat them as a human would royalty, or a powerful celebrity... it had put his teeth on edge.
The Chimera were strong, intelligent, capable, and physically so superior to humans one-on-one, it was almost laughable.
Yet, the humans evened the playing field with their technologies and weapons. And their plots.
The wolves were cunning. The Tigers were aggressive. The owls were wise. The goats were immoveable. The hares served others with a single-minded integrity that had always humbled and inspired Zev.
But the humans… the humans conquered. Their intelligence and dedication to their causes, their ability to look ahead, to plan, to create their own futures… it was staggering.
When the human intention and dedication was applied to a good cause, Zev saw them as examples in… well, almost everything. But when their motives were selfish…
He looked at Sasha again and a growl wanted to begin in his throat. She must have felt him tense because she turned, eyes widening when she caught sight of his face.
He spoke into her head.
Don't ever give up hope, Sash. I'm here. This is going to—
Footsteps, just outside the cave, sent adrenalin flooding through Zev and he leaped to his feet, putting himself between Sasha and the cave mouth.
How had anyone gotten so close without warning?
But then the shadows at the cave mouth shifted, and suddenly Skhal stood in the dim light of the fire, grinning at all of them like… well, like a wolf.
"Good evening, gentlemen. I hear it's been an interesting day?"
*****
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