Chapter 130 - Together
(Added after publication so you aren't charged for the words) 10 DAYS LEFT! Zev's Werewolf competition closes on 5 January. I know it's an expensive time, but ALL comments, votes, Golden Tickets, gifts, chapters/privilege through 5 January help! And I am planning a mass release for January to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
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~ ZEV ~
Zev was so preoccupied he almost missed the moment when the last of the males finally left the cave and he was alone with Sasha.
He stood near the cave mouth, waiting until they all disappeared around the corner. Without realizing it, he was still staring at the space when they were all out of sight and suddenly Sasha's arms wrapped around his middle and she leaned into his chest, bringing her gorgeous scent with her.
Zev startled back to awareness and pulled her into a hug, resting his head on the crown of her hair.
They both sighed.
All thoughts of his brother and his confusion left as Zev realized that she was there. She was really there. And she was his—mostly. Almost. He could fight for her now, and she didn't have to ignore him, and…
"I can't believe you're finally here!" he whispered and pulled up her chin to kiss her, combing her hair back with his fingers as she lifted her eyes—wide and serious—to meet his.
Which is when he remembered the tension and fear he'd been smelling on her for the past hour or more and his heart sank again.
"What is it, baby?" he whispered. "What's made you afraid?"
She shook her head. "I'm not afraid, exactly."
"What was upsetting you? I could tell before Skhal arrived, but I had to do that. I'm sorry. I couldn't leave them waiting."
"I know, I know," she said patting his chest. "I wasn't expecting you to. Really. I just… I don't know. I guess I'm still trying to accept that this is all real. And everything you've been put through since you left. I know that's taken a toll on you, Zev. I do. I just… I'm struggling with it."
His body wanted to shiver. He wanted nothing more than to just pull her into the furs and curl himself around her, make love to her, and shut out the rest of the world. But he knew he couldn't. In the end, that wouldn't help either of them.
So instead, he led her back to the fire, settled down, then pulled her into his lap. She made noises like she wasn't pleased, but when he gripped her and looked into her eyes, she stopped struggling.
So, one arm around her back, her legs over his thigh, he stroked her hair again. "Tell me. Or ask me. Whatever it is. I want you here with me and happy about it, Sash. Whatever it takes."
Her forehead crinkled and she shook her head. "See, that's just the thing. You're so freaking sweet, and loving and… so open with me Zev. I don't get it. I don't get how you just walked out and I never saw you again. I mean—I get it. If I really believed being close to me was going to kill you, I would have gone too. I get that part. But that story you told tonight… It's been three years. And you're saying you had a clue after what, six months? Definitely a year? But I still didn't see a hair of you until this week. That's just… it's crazy!"
"My life is crazy," he said sadly. "I know how it sounds. But it's just the truth. My head was messed up back then—mostly over losing you—and I think Nick used that. Like I said, being able to see photos of you, follow you, know that you were safe… it was like a balm for a while. But then it started to grate—being close enough to see you, but not close enough to touch. And the more I learned about what they were doing… the harder it got."
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~ SASHA ~
She almost didn't ask. She almost chickened out. Because he looked so miserable, and she knew he was exhausted—and she would have bet money that if she squeezed the other side of his ribs that he had very carefully positioned away from her, that he would have flinched.
He was injured, and exhausted, and worn out. And she was putting him under further pressure. But she had to know.
So she just blurted it out.
"The Zev I know couldn't… force himself on someone," she said, her stomach flipping over at the words coming out of her mouth. "I don't understand how you could have… have been there… with those women and just…. Just done that. Not if you're the Zev I really know."
His eyes closed and he hung his head, his face screwed up with pain and shame.
She curled a hand around his neck and pulled his face towards her, forcing him to meet her eyes. "Tell me," she whispered. "I'll try really hard to believe you."
"I had to be in my wolf," he said. "He's more… triggered by scent and hormones and… You're right, Sash. I can't force myself on someone. I checked with everyone of them. They all wanted it. They all gave the right signals and told me the right things. But something was off and… and I wasn't right either. All of us were there because we'd been told to be there, not because we wanted it. It was… sick."
"All of you? They made you have more than one at a time?"
"No, no, that's not what I meant. I just… They had a place they took us where we could shift without worrying about space, and… they'd always give me something before I went in. Something that would make me more… easily aroused," he said, his eyes flicking to hers to check her response. "Then I'd talk to the female and she'd say she wanted to have offspring and we'd bboth shift and…"
"Could you feel it? Or like, being in your wolf, was it different than when… you're… I mean…"
"It's differently," he said, his voice flat. "But I remember everything. I'm there. But my body's different. The triggers are different. How it works is different. The whole thing is just… fuck, Sash, I wish none of it had happened! I wish I didn't have to tell you this! I wish I could hide it, but… I can't. This is real. And it was fucking horrible for all of us!"
He was beginning to shake from head to toe. Alarmed, Sasha wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in tight.
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