Chapter 30 - Matebond
~ ZEV ~
Zev had thought about telling her countless times. Planned it. And now the moment was here and he discovered he was nothing but a ball-less pussy.
Sasha watched, confused, as he let go of her hand, turned the key so the car roared back to life, then put it in gear and they jerked forward, towards the road.
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his forearms began to knot.
"When I was born, our creators… they celebrated," he said quietly.
"Why?"
"Because with me they achieved something they hadn't before."
She waited and he swallowed, praying she couldn't tell that he was paling. He could feel his shoulders knotting because he was so afraid of how she would react.
"Before me," he said carefully, keeping his voice low and deep, "the problem was always how to create more Chimera. By that time their goal was to use us to improve the human stock. Humanity was degenerating—getting worse, not better. They said we were designed to… refresh the gene pool. Make everybody stronger, healthier. But when we couldn't reproduce with each other it was too time-consuming and expensive to keep making us. They didn't have all the technology back then, so everything was… mechanical. It would take too long and there weren't enough of us. They'd never change the world that way. But when they unlocked our ability to reproduce, there were other… limitations."
"What are those?"
He gave a half grin because he knew she'd like this part. "The Chimera mate for life. Doesn't matter which species, when they have sex, they form the matebond, and from that moment forward they're devoted to each other. Which is great when both in a pair are healthy and… alive. But about thirty years ago they discovered that if they split a pair, both became very unhealthy. And if they stayed apart, they would die. No matter what the reason, if one died, it was only a matter of time for their mate."
She put a hand to her chest. "That's so sad, but so beautiful."
He nodded and took a deep breath. "They'd been trying to break that whole cycle because even apart from our work, Chimera live very full lives. Injuries and death are a natural consequence of being so… physical. But they were losing Chimera at a rate faster than they could make them. So they kept making us and changing things. And then… then I was made."
Her brows pinched together a little. "And?"
He swallowed. "And in me they finally succeeded in building a Chimera that could mate—could have sex—without forming the bond. So if my mate died, I wouldn't. At least, that's the theory," he added softly.
"Okay," she said. "Why do you look so nervous about telling me that? I'm human. We can have sex with multiple people without bonding or dying, or whatever. I'm not going to judge you, Zev."
"That's good. I mean, thank you," he said, clenching and unclenching his hands on the wheel. "That's not the part I was scared about though," he said.
She swallowed and her fingers tensed on her thighs. "So… what is it?"
"I need you to understand, Sash, that I was young when all of this happened. Less experienced in life and still learning about the people who made me. I trusted them too much. But when they told me… I believed them."
"When they told you what?"
"They told me that my purpose was to be a… kind of like a King, I guess. A father to a nation, was the way they put it. It sounded really grand when I was fifteen, and even eighteen. Now… now I just want to laugh. But back then… it made me feel like I was important."
"Okay."
Zev took a deep breath. "They told me it was my job to build the Chimera race. They made me a stud."
There was a hesitation, then Sasha snorted, grinning. "I mean, I know. But that's hardly—"
"No, Sash, I mean… they use me as a breeder."
She stared for a long second then, just as he'd feared, she sat back, pulling away from him as much as she could in the small confines of the Jeep.
She'd clasped her hands in her lap and was rubbing her thumbs together as she stared out the window of the car.
"They took you away from me to… breed?"
Fuck he hated that little crack in her voice. "Yes," he said. "But it was never… it wasn't like with us, Sash. I mean that. Being with you… that was something so unique for me. What you and I had wasn't breeding at all. It was…"
"Love," she whispered.
He nodded and risked another look at her. She'd leaned her elbow on the ledge of the door, and her chin on her fist. She was frowning out into the night. As they approached the first street light that meant they'd be on the highway in a minute, the yellow light rolled over her face. She was so fucking beautiful it made him ache.
"So, when you told me five years ago that you wanted to tell me something… were you going to tell me about this?"
"Sort of. I was going to show you my wolf. But… I mean, I hadn't started this stuff at that point. There were a few before you, I told you that. But they were just tests. It was when… when you and I got close… they got nervous. They thought I was forming the bond with you. The only reason they let it go on was because we weren't sleeping together. That's why I was so careful with you. They were afraid if we got any closer—if we had sex—that I would bond with you and then I'd die if they took me away from you. So I promised I would never sleep with you. But it was so hard, Sasha, I loved you so much and… And you surprised me that day. I didn't know that's what you had planned and I just… I hoped… I hoped I would bond with you, because then maybe they'd leave us alone! But we didn't and…"
Her hands clenched in her lap. "Go on."
She wasn't looking at him. As Zev pulled into the on-ramp for the highway he almost reached for her hand again, but he was afraid she'd deny him like she had earlier, and he wasn't sure he could take it.. But he took a deep breath and plowed on.