Chapter 84 - Torture
~ ZEV ~
"I'm sorry… what… what did you say?" Sasha said a little louder than was strictly necessary, her voice husky with desire and weariness. The resonance of it played down his spine like fingers on a piano.
"You have no idea how much I want to just… take you right now, Sash, but I never thought it would come to this, I just… I just wanted to be close to you. I shouldn't even be doing that. They're going to smell me on you tomorrow. You're going to have wash really good, and stay away from Lhars and Xar, because if they get wind that we've been together—"
"You didn't just… You didn't just tease me, Zev. Say you didn't tease me just to—"
"No! No!" he held her tightly when she tensed as if she was going to crawl out of his lap. The water rippled against her breasts and he had to force his eyes to stay on her face. "I wasn't… I didn't think it would go this far. I just wanted you to be warm and—you have to understand, Sash, in their eyes, I have to earn you. If I don't… they'll eat me alive."
"Earn what?" she asked sharply. "What the hell, Zev? I've known you were the one for me since I was seventeen—whether these people realize that or not."
He shushed her and stroked her hair. "Don't be upset, please, let me explain: You agreed to Xar's terms. That means whatever male would claim you not only has to have beaten the other males, but he has to display for you and you have to choose him. He has to earn you—publicly. If we do this now, Sash, they'll smell me on you in the morning—smell that we had sex—and in their eyes, if I did that in private when I'm cast out… it's as if you were raped. Your mating was stolen. I can't do that to you."
"But I'm asking you to!"
He groaned and kissed her again. Her hands clung to his shoulders and she pulled him in, rocking against him again, until he wasn't even going to have to enter her to finish this.
"Sash, stop," he pleaded, one hand at the back of her neck, leaning his forehead on hers. "Please. Please listen to me. This is for you. To help you—"
"That's what you said about leaving me! That's what you said about leaving and not coming back for five years!" she spat, tears in her eyes as she struggled to get loose from him. He didn't want to force her to stay close, so he let her go, staying low in the water. Once she'd twisted out of his lap, she did too, her arms keeping her upright as she glared at him. "I can't believe I fell for this again—"
"Fell for what?" he asked sharply. "There's no falling for anything, Sash. I'm not deceiving you. I'm doing what's right. You have to wait until I've worked my way through the wolf-pack, then the other alphas. And you have to let me display for you. And you have to make me work for it."
"Make you what?"
"Make me work for it. Don't just say yes the second I show up. You have to make me earn it—they have to see that you're a match for me. Show them that sass you've got. Show them how strong you are—don't give in. Make me convince you. Make me work for it!"
"Why?" she said, the water splashing as she threw her hands up. "If we already know—"
"Because they have to know, Sash. They have to know. Then no one will challenge it. That's how we end up mates, and I can sort the rest of this shitshow out. Please…. please… baby, I'm not saying this to toy with you, I promise. You know I want you. You know I love you!"
She stared at him, her forehead lined with worry, and eyes pinched.
"Sash?" he murmured, suddenly afraid. "You know that, right?"
Her chin trembled. "I want to," she whispered. "I want it to be true."
"It is true!" He slid forward in the water to pull her into his chest again and even though she didn't pull away, she was stiff. "Sasha, look at me."
He held her by the shoulders and demanded that she meet his eye. She was looking down at the water, her lips pushed into a frown, and it was sending terror jolting through him. But finally, slowly, her eyes lifted, though her chin didn't. She stared at him out from under her lashes and puckered brow, as if afraid of what she might see on his face.
He slid his hands up to cup either side of her jaw and keep her there, eyes locked.
"You're mine," he hissed urgently. "That is never going to change, no matter what. Five years? It's nothing. I haven't stopped thinking about you and wanting you every day in that entire time. No matter what they do, Sash, they can't steal that from us, okay? Whether we do this now or in a week, nothing changes between us. What I'm trying to protect you from is them!"
Her throat bobbed, and he prayed. She didn't look away, but the worry lines and tension didn't leave her face either.
"Do you believe me?" he asked.
Sasha took a deep breath and blew it out and it fluttered against his chest—which just made his cock twitch. This was not the time!
"Sasha?"
"I believe you that you mean it right now, Zev," she said reluctantly. "Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. But the question is… will you still feel that way in a few hours when I'm not in front of you?"
"Don't ever doubt it," he rasped, then cupped the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss, poured himself into the kiss, insisting that she listen.
A long minute later, they were both panting again when Zev finally eased back to look at her. Her eyes fluttered open, slightly glazed, her lips full and plump from the kissing.
She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "Never doubt it, Sash. I'll prove it to you," he whispered.. Then kissed her again.