Chapter 107 - The Devil Of Doubt
Chapter 107 – The Devil Of Doubt
ELRETH
"Dad, what's going on with you and Mom? Why are you… what's going on?"
He waved a hand at her, but stared into his mug, rather than meeting her eyes. "You'll see, Elreth. Mates are wonderful, but every so often difficulties arise and the only way out of them is through. This is a tough one, but we'll get through it. There's nothing you need to worry about."
Elreth thought he was talking out of his ass, frankly. But she also knew that her parents wouldn't bring her or Gar into anything like this. The few times she'd seen them fight, or even struggle through things that weren't about conflict between them—the grief over losing Mam'amora and Papa Brant, for example—they'd always done nothing but reassure her and her brother. And her dad was right, they'd always gotten through it.
But this felt different. She stared at her father for a long moment, but he didn't raise his eyes. And something prickly rose from him, spiked in his scent. It was extremely rare with her father, but when he was like this—smelling like a wounded animal that had hidden itself in a temporary den to lick its wounds and heal—she knew she shouldn't push.
"Well, if you need anything, just tell me, okay? I have contacts now. I can make things happen," she joked softly. Her father huffed and smiled, though it fell off his face as quickly as it had come.
"Thank you, El, I'll keep that in mind. So, now, tell me why you're here. Much as I love my offspring, I find in my old age they rarely want to just hang out with dad," he said with a wry twist to his lips—and a quick, measuring glance.
Elreth reflected his smile. "It's true, I do have ulterior motives," she said, grimacing.
"What's going on?" he asked softly. "I'm always here, El. I want to help."
"I know," Elreth sighed. "I want to know… I think I need to know, how you managed to do this without just ordering everyone around all the time. I keep losing my temper, or getting scared and lashing out at people. And when it happens, I end up forcing them to do things my way and I know that isn't going to work, Dad. Not in the long run. I need to know: How did you keep your feelings in check when people were challenging you, or arguing with you? How did you stop from using your dominance when someone was resisting you?"
His eyebrows popped up and he gave her a look. "You really think I never used my dominance to get my way, El?" he chuckled. "Especially at the beginning. I know what you're talking about. I went through it too. You're finding your feet. You've got a tightrope to walk between letting people feel you out and finding your own center—but you also have this power that's pulsing in your veins and when someone is challenging that, it feels like the right thing to do to just crack the whip."
"Yes!" she said, dropping her face in her hands.
"I take it the meeting with the elders didn't go well this morning?"
She shook her head. "Lhern had to remove Pehrye's seat because she was prejudiced against disformed. There were… a lot of questions about that side of Aaryn being my mate. And they already knew about him being Alpha of the disformed—which I only just learned—and he was doing a pretty good job of answering their questions about that, but then someone called him incapable and I just snapped."
"Wait, an elder called Aaryn incapable?" her father said, his face painted in disbelief.
"Well, sort of?" Elreth admitted. "They said that being disformed made them incapable for anything that required shifting. But why would they even need to bring that up? Mom was human when she became Queen!"
Reth huffed and sat back in his chair. "You know… you know we had a fierce battle on our hands to get the people to accept your mother, right? It took years, and huge changes—not to mention a war—before the people truly embraced her. You can't expect everyone to just roll over and show you their bellies, El. They need to ask questions when things are happening that are different, or difficult."
"I know, I know," she said, running a hand through her hair. "I just… he's so sensitive about it—he's been treated so badly. I thought… I thought if he had some power people might stop thinking about him being disofrmed before they thought of anything else."
"That only comes with time, El. When Aaryn has been King—you are going to make him King, yes?"
"Yes."
Her father nodded in approval. "When he becomes King, he'll have to fight for respect. But he'll get it. And that's when they'll stop seeing a disformed Mate of the Queen, and start seeing a powerful ruler in his own right. Your mate is up to this, Elreth. You know it and I know it."
"I'm beginning to think he's actually better at this than I am," Elreth grumbled, finally voicing the fear that had prickled at the back of her neck ever since Aaryn sat down with the Elders and had carried himself with such… poise.
"Ah… So, now we get to the real problem," Reth said knowingly, his voice low and deep.
"I just… I feel like I'm scrambling. I didn't think it would be this way, Dad. I thought I k new how to rule. I've been thinking about all the ways I'd do things, all the things I'd be my whole life. I thought I knew how to do this. But all I feel is like I've treading water in a canyon with no way to climb the walls. Eventually I'm going to sink under the surface and die."
She dropped her face into her hands, unable to hold her father's gaze because he looked both shocked and disapproving.
"I don't know what to do, Dad. Maybe I wasn't supposed to do this at all? Maybe I've been fooling myself this whole time?"
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